Our Lips Are Sealed
by toxicbluecrayon
Summary: REVISED: Bella is in for a surprise when Alice drags her to see Jasper's band. Will the guitar player, Edward, notice her? The sequel Love and Some Verses is also up!
1. Rock 'N' Roll Boy

Our Lips Are Sealed

Revised: April 26, 2009

Chapter One: Rock 'n' Roll Boy

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Stephenie Meyer. Expect some lemons...they may occur.

BPOV - November 21st, 2005

I watched as my best friend, Alice, gave Jasper feather soft kisses on his lips for good luck; ever so cautious to never actually say the hopeful words. We were at the Wise Fools Pub off of N. Lincoln in Chicago to show support to Jasper's band, "Cult Classic" (I know...how utterly original). Jasper's band has been playing shows throughout Illinois for the past 5 years and even though they gained a strong fan base, I have not once had the desire to see them live. Sure, I'm a fan of listening to the music, but only in the safe confines of my room at Alice's and my apartment. I am not a big fan of crowded spaces full of sweaty, drunken bodies. Not my scene at all.

However, tonight was different. Alice basically begged and guilt tripped me into going out. Since Alice started dating Jasper two years ago, she has been hell bent on me going to at least one for CC's shows.

"Please, Bella!" She pleaded with those sad, puppy dog eyes and Monroe pout. "I swear I'll do anything you want....for a week...no, a month! That includes not setting foot near the Woodfield Mall or 900 North Michigan! I'm totally giving up Bloomingdale's for you, Bells! Please...this one time! Jasper would be so happy to see you!"

With such a declaration and the intense sadness in her hazel eyes, how could I say no to her small request? One night couldn't kill me...right?

My attention remained affixed to the affectionate exchanges of Alice and Jasper with embers of envy burning in my eyes (or perhaps it all the cigarette smoke wafting through the club's dark interior). Sure, there were times that I wanted what they had together. My music production classes at Columbia College of Chicago kept me occupied sixteen hours of the day, but those remaining eight for sleeping left me wondering what it would be like to be loved. How it would feel to be held in the darkness of night...the loneliest hours of the night. I was never at rest.

Then I saw him.

His thin but muscular build seemed to glide across the backstage like a panther. His vibrant bronze hair that contrasted with his pale skin stuck out in every direction as if he woke from a fitful sleep...or just had some REALLY rough sex. I bit my lip and blushed at the very thought. Trying to regain my mental balance I focused on his sparkling green eyes and his firm biceps as he hoisted the black leather guitar strap over his head to rest on his left shoulder. I focused on his hands and how they grazed the neck and strings of the shiny silver Fender as he did a last minute tune-up. I watched as his hands abandoned the body of the guitar and cup the black leather clad hips that seemed to magically appear in front of him at a close proximity. My eyes turned upward to find that the leather clad hips were those of the strawberry blonde that gripped tightly to the guitar god's neck as they began to kiss.

"Hey! Edward! Quit mackin' and finishing tuning! Damn..." Emmett, CC's drummer barked out as he finished off his fourth beer in a half-hour.

Guitar God pulled away from Leatherface and began tuning. He looked up through his long lashes and shrugged at her, "I guess we'll hang after the show, Tanya."

So Leatherface's name was Tanya. Suited her, I suppose. Only a beautiful temptress would be named Tanya...ugh. God sure could be cruel.

Tanya sighed with a slightly irritated stance, "Fine. Have fun."

My eyes stayed glued to his chiseled face as he took a drink from a black hip flask that he had tucked away in his back pocket. After tightening the lid on the flask and hiding it away again, he snuck his tongue out from between his blushing lips; curling upward to devour any remaining substance. He then turned to look my direction. He caught me staring and I quickly bowed my head, but my eyes continue to peer at him through my thick lashes. He gave me a lopsided grin that caused my heart to speed up like a hummingbird's wings. I felt heat crawl up from my feet, up my legs, my stomach, my neck and finally my cheeks. I finally got the nerve to look back up. His grin grew some as my plain brown eyes met his dazzling emerald ones. He started toward my direction but was stopped by Jasper. "Hey man, we're up."

I watched as the Guitar God named Edward gave me one last glace before turning around and going out onto the stage.

Maybe tonight will not be as bad as I originally predicted.


	2. Dancing Inside

Chapter Two: Dancing Inside

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV

I watched the show, or more like Edward's playing, through the entire set of songs. Their playlist ranged from their own originals to vintage covers from the 60s through the 90s. There was something so enthralling about Edward's presence on that stage. The way he subtly swayed to the rhythm or how he held onto the guitar like it was not an inanimate object, but more like a secret lover: its body pressed closed to his hip bones and its neck resting in his right hand. The way his bronze hair and green eyes caught slivers of the flashing lights of the club.

Is it even possible for a human to be such the example of pure aptness?

Cult Classic's set ended within thirty minutes and I think that may have been a good thing. Between the sips from the hip flask, Edward was beginning to look like whatever it was he was drinking was catching up to him slowly. Even though his body fumbled about on stage, his playing remained unaffected. I watched alongside Alice as they exited the stage with drumsticks and guitar cases in hand. Edward was the last to exit and I watched hesitantly as he did a 360 of the room, his eyes landing on mine. He looked at me briefly before smiling crookedly and slightly waving with his free hand. The fact that he caught me staring cause the blush in my cheeks to deepen burgundy. Again, he made an unsuccessful attempt to walk toward me only to get blocked into what appeared to be a heated discussion with Leatherface...

My bad, I meant Tanya.

I sighed in defeat as I looked over at Alice, who had her full attention on Jasper and his unruly hair now, rather than the next band setting up.

I smirked and leaned forward to meet her ear, "I'm going to go see if the bar has anything besides booze."

Alice, with a seldom hint of attention, nodded hypnotically as she untangled a strand of Jasper's hair with her thin pale fingers. Jasper bent down some to kiss her forehead before nodding to me to acknowledge my departure. I fought my way through the crowd and managed to find a couple of free stools at the bar; this might has well been the 8th wonder of the world since there are seldom empty bar stools in any bar located in Chicago. I took a seat and fished out a twenty from my jean pocket, signaling the bartender.

While I waited for my bottled water, I began to create shoddy works of art with the spilled peanuts and cashews on the counter top's surface, not really paying attention to the person that just sat down in the stool beside me.

"Edible art?" A husky, but velvet smooth voice whispered in my ear.

I jumped slightly at the sudden company; knocking the peanuts out of place with my fingertips. I turned and felt my blush return. Guitar God was sitting RIGHT beside me, leaning forward on the bar, face toward mine with a boyish smile that made my brain turn to pottage. "You're Bella Swan?"

I blinked a couple times before nodding, "Yeah....how did you know my name?"

His smile became a smirk with a subtle hitch in the corner of his mouth. "I have my sources." He extended his hand, "Name's Edward Cullen."

I cautiously took his hand in mine and shook it. A jolt of electricity went through my hand as his large supple hand enveloped my smaller one. His fingertips, faintly weathered and calloused from years of playing, caressed the back of my wrist. I could have sworn he was tracing the faint blue vein located there. I finally forced myself to detach when the waiter brought my water and him a glass of what appeared to be Scotch and Coke.

"So, what brought you to the slummiest bar in the continental U.S?" He said with a slight chuckle after taking a sip from the glass.

I laughed gently before head motioning to Alice, "An irritable pixie and a insistent Texan."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, Alice is known for being a bit....pushy. Jasper just follows suite."

I took a sip from my water before refocusing my attention on him. I looked quickly behind him and around the bar before clearing my throat, "Where's Leath-" I stopped in mid-sentence, be nice Bella, before starting again, "Excuse me, word vomit...where's your friend?"

He laughed before taking another drink, "Home, I guess. We sorta had a little skirmish. So, you here with anyone?"

I blushed and choked out a laugh, "Um...no..."

His grin grew, "No boyfriend waiting in the wings to pounce what is rightfully his then? Hard to believe."

"No...I really don't have time for something like a relationship..." I stated with a simplistic mono tone as I spun the my water bottle's lid on the counter like a top.

"Care to tell me why?"

I shook my head, still spinning the lid. "Too long and complicated."

His long, slender fingers reached in front of me and tangled with my small fingers as he put a halt to the bottle cap. "I think I can keep up."

--------------------------------------------------------

I lost track of time and space as we talked. Alice and Jasper left for Jasper's loft a while back ago. I told Edward how I majored in music production at Columbia and with my junior year coming to a close, I've been too busy worrying about joining 'the real world'. He told me about being in his second year at the Chicago Medical School of Rosalind Franklin University. I told him about some of the flops from past relationships. He told me how he joined Cult Classic as a stress reliever.

We exchanged childhood memories and current ambitions. By then he was on his third Scotch and Coke. We finally fell silent after I told him how my last relationship was two years ago. He sat there for a minute, spinning the ice cubes in the near empty glass with his index finger. He finally looked over at me.

"Bella, may I be frank?" He said with a slight smirk, but an intensity in his eyes.

I shrugged and smiled over at him. "Sure, why not?"

"You come off a bit...prudish."

Wait...what? I blinked and laughed, "Oh no, I am so not a prude!"

He laughed and nodded, "Yeah, you are."

I lightly pushed his arm, "How so, Dr. Cullen?"

He grinned at the name drop, "Well, Miss Swan, from past cases, you seem to be rather...reserved in social activities. My diagnosis is that you need to get a life. Live a little. Do something...risqué."

I slit my eyelids slightly, with some suspicion. "Like what?"

Edward stood up and moved in between the counter top and my stool; between my legs. I shuddered at the closeness of our bodies. He leaned close to my face; even closer to my lips. I took a sharp intake of breath and waited.

He simply stared into my eyes before raising his hand up toward the bartender. Mike was his name, if I read his name tag correctly. The bartender came over to us. "Yeah, Cullen?"

"Yeah, Newton...I need two shots of tequila...top shelf, not that shoddy shit you gave me earlier. I also need some salt and two lemon wedges."

'Newton' rolled his eyes before getting everything together. It was then I realized what we were about to do. I was about to protest, but I stopped myself. No, I was going to prove I wasn't a prude, damn it.

I watched Edward's eyes grow big with shock as my fingers curled under the hem of my black camisole and start lifting the material up to expose the flat terrain of my stomach, stopping right under the curves of my breasts. I smirked. "I don't like assumptions."

I watched as Edward smirked before licking his lips. He pushed my stool back further so he can kneel down between my legs. Before crouching down, he took the salt shaker and grabbed my arm gently. Turning my wrist upward, he poured a little salt on my pounding vein. With a chuckle, he leaned down and started to suck the salt off my wrist in an exaggerated motion. I gasped and stifled a moan as I felt his tongue trace the artery. He pulled away after a minute or so, grabbed the shot glass and threw back its contents into his waiting mouth. He winked at me as he swallowed it with a sour face. I giggled as he regained momentum and grabbed the lemon wedge. He kneeled down some as he carefully squeezed the juice of the lemon onto my stomach. Starting at the waistband of my low riding jeans, he darted his tongue and began his slow journey up my stomach, stopping to suck on the skin every so often. He dipped his tongue into my navel unleashing a moan from me causing him to chuckle against my skin. Reaching the edge of my camisole, he stood up. When I thought he was done, he surprised me by squeezing the remaining juice onto my exposed cleavage and the side of my neck. He leaned down to lick the trail of the juice across my cleavage and then up my neck where he sucked gently for a few seconds before pulling away.

I opened my eyes to meet his face that had a smug demeanor. "Bella, breath."

The blush returned to my face again as I took his advice. Before I knew it, Edward's wrist was in front of me, coated in a thin layer of salt.

"Doctor's orders," He said with a hint of hauteur.

I groaned some before flicking my tongue across his wrist swiftly, teasingly. After removing a third of the salt, I began to suck down on his wrist like he did with my own. His skin tasted sweet despite the thin layer perspiration from playing in front of hot, blinding spotlights. Reluctantly, I pulled away once the salt was gone and reached behind Edward for my glass. I threw back the vile liquid and tried not to get sick as it slid down my throat ; leaving a path of fire. I quickly grabbed the wedge of lemon and squeezed it on the side of his neck near his jugular vein. Without hesitation, I stood up from my stool and pressed my body to his before my lips and tongue pressed against his warm neck. I could have sworn he groaned as I began to suck hard against his salty sweet skin. The groan was confirmed when another fell from his lips. He pulled me close to him by the hips as I continued to lick, not wanting to stop. All American Rejects' "Dance Inside" blared from the sound system as I sucked harder, moaning slightly myself. That's when I heard Edward sing along with the opening lyrics.

_"You don't have to move..."_

I sighed as Edward pulled me away from him so I would be directly looking him in the eyes. His eyes full of desire. He continued to sing along as he pulled me closer by my neck. He tilted my head up slightly so our lips were millimeters apart.

_"You don't have to speak..."_

He leaned down and pressed his lips flush to mine. My hands snaked up the back of his neck and my fingers curled into his bronze locks as the kiss intensified. I felt his tongue lightly lick my bottom lip before his teeth gently nibbled it. I gasped as he gently tugged the swollen lip with his lips and teeth. Our brief contact ended but not before he applied an open-mouthed kiss on the corner of my mouth.

With a smirk, he finished the last line of the first verse. It seemed only appropriate for our actions.

_"Lips for biting..."_

My blush returned once again and I had the feeling that as long as Edward was around me, it wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. This was wrong. He clearly was involved with Tanya.

But damn, if it didn't feel right.


	3. What Gets You Off

Chapter Three: What Gets You Off

Revised: April 26, 2009

Leaving the bar and riding the blue line home could have been mistaken as a dream; the thick fog of the lakefront enveloping the darkened streets and sidewalks of Columbia's small campus painted the perfect dreamlike terrain. South Michigan Avenue was abandoned by the usual trendsetters, artsy dweebs, and the occasional hot dog vender. I would have continued thinking that I was already asleep if it wasn't for the lean, muscular arm wrapped tightly, protectively around my waist. The smell of his cologne, Prada Infusion D'Homme (which I only recognized because my part-time job as Macy's perfume salesgirl down on State Street) mixed with the leathery smell of his black leather jacket swirling in the brisk 3 a.m. air. His warm, moist lips would caress my hairline at every pedestrian crossing. These hints of reality constantly reminded me that I was wide awake.

We made it to 18 East Congress Dormitory in a short amount of time and made our way through the lobby to the elevators. By this point, I couldn't help but notice how Edward's hand slid up the curve of my side to the underside of my left breast as we waited for the elevator to descend. I bit the bottom of my lip as I felt him trace the curve of my breast with his fingertips. The alcohol, even though I only did two shots of Mejor Blanco, must be causing me to go into this hot paralysis: a reluctance...no...refusal to stop his hand from continuing the tour of my left side. The doors of the elevator opened as his fingers grazed my hardened nipple through the thin cami. I resisted the urge to moan in approval as he pulled me into the elevator; hitting the button of the floor we needed as the doors closed.

As the elevator made a slow creep upward, I kept my head down focusing my eyes on Edward's nimble fingers as they caressed then pinched the nipple between his thumb and index finger. My breath became hitched as I arched my back so his hand would cup my breast more. He took the hint and began to rub the entirety of it before stopping abruptly. Before I could even protest, he had trailed his hand down my stomach to the hem of my cami. I gasped as I felt his cool hand slip under the top and make its way up to the breast he had abandoned seconds ago. I moaned out and dared to look up into his eyes as he pulled the cup of my bra aside to continue finger my nipple. He smirked sexily as he watched my reactions transgress from shock to absolute ecstasy. I leaned into his chest slightly as he moved his hand over to the other breast and began sucking on his exposed neck. Our pants and hiked breathing filled the elevator, but came to a halt when the doors opened.

We couldn't get down the hall and into my loft fast enough. Once we were in the entry way of my apartment, Edward took the lead and began to pull my suit jacket off with the cami following suite. Two things I was grateful for: One, Alice staying the night with Jasper. Two, that I finally broke down and wore this black lace bra and g-string set that Alice gave me months ago.

Edward grinned and whispered, "Swan...you are not quite the prude I thought you were..."

My giggles were cut short as he began lavishing my collarbone and exposed cleavage with opened mouth kisses. I felt his index fingers latch into my belt loops and pull me to the closest flat surface available, which happened to be the dining room table that Alice bought at an estate sale a year ago. He carefully spun me around so my back was facing the table; hoisting me up and laying me on top of it. His hands went to my jeans and quickly unbuttoned and unzipped them. He kissed my stomach and hip bones as he pulled the offensive garment off and tossed them aside. I felt him pause for a moment and by the way he was gasping, I guessed he was trying to catch his breath before continuing.

"God, Bella, you'll be the death of me..." He murmured as he began to graze his lips across my stomach once more. "So fucking sexy..."

Before I could respond, I felt his warm, wet tongue creep against the thin waistband of my panties, right above my drenched core. His tongue curled downward to teasingly slide itself between the waistband and my skin while his hands caressed my inner thighs. I moaned out and reached down to thread my fingers through his hair. God, this felt so good!

"Mmm, Bella. Your skin...it's like lapping up spilt cream...fuck, you are so hot..." He groaned as he kissed me right under my navel; his hands snaked upward to my waiting sex. I watched, a woman possessed by lust, as he moved the damp triangle of my panties aside to expose me to him. I felt my blush creeping up my skin as I watched him run one fingertip across the shaven plain. I waited for him to look me over and change his mind. He could have better...in fact, he did have better...I waited and waited for him to stop, but he didn't. He leaned forward, kissing the spot he just caressed.

"Bella....Italian for 'beautiful'. You are so exquisite and tonight, you are all mine."

He motioned for me to lift my hips so he can pull my g-string off completely. After tossing them aside to accompany the rest of my clothes, I gasped and watched as his head moved downward toward my glistening slit. I felt his tongue slink into my deep folds and began its quest of exploration. I threw my head back and gripped his copper locks tighter; pulling him closer. He moved his tongue up to my clit and began to suck it into his mouth as two of his lithe fingers slid inside me, curling into a "J" to stroke my g-spot. I cried out and dug my finger nails into the back of his neck as he slowly pumped the fingers.

"Oh! Ed-Edward! Harder! Please," A voice, my voice, cried out as I started to propel my hips upward to match his movements.

He complied, but not before pinning my hips down with his other strong arm. He continued to suck my swollen clit as he his hand moved faster. The coil in the depths of my body tauten as he began to hum what sounded like the tune from "What Gets You Off" by Jack's Mannequin, I could not be positive about this though. Whatever it was, it was enough to send me over the edge. My body involuntarily shook as I screamed out his name once more, not caring if the neighbor or the hall monitor heard. I felt his mouth detach from my clit as his tongue lapped up the evidence of my first orgasm in the past two years. I shivered as his warm breath swept over my slit as he finished cleaning me and pulled away. He looked up into my hooded, lust sated eyes and grinned crookedly. His hands stroked my heaving chest and sides as I tried to remember how to breath. I toyed lazily with his hair as I came down from my high.

He stood up and leaned in to kiss me with subtle urgency, pulling me into him so my naked wet core would press against his jean enclosed hardness. I couldn't take much more of the repartee. I wanted him. I NEEDED him. I parted from our kiss and quickly pulled his shirt off before unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans; pushing them down onto the floor for him to kick off along with his black boxers. I gasped at the size of him...I knew this would most likely hurt, but I didn't care. I slid off the table and pushed him back into a the nearest dining room chair. Positioning myself above him, I slowly, tauntingly, slid myself down onto him; impaling myself at the exact point of need. We both obliged a sharp intake of breath before grinding our hips together in sync. I bit my nails into his shoulder blades as he kissed my lips, across my jaw, down my neck, collarbone, then heaving breasts; taking one of my erect nipples into his mouth to suck and nibble as we both picked up speed. His left hand rested on the small of my back, leading my movements as the other trailed down; its calloused thumb rubbing hard against my engorged clit. My kisses to his neck became love bites as he played me like an instrument.

This was wrong. This was wrong. He is with someone else...someone better....this is erroneous. Immoral. Wicked. Sinful. Iniquitous. All these feelings raced through my mind as that coil tightened again; as we made love. This was not sex. Too much passion was involved. Too much care and consideration to meet the other's need. Sex was a too...distant, detached...word to be using to describe this moment. This was wrong, but, again, it felt only justified. Predestined. And oh so fucking good!

My thoughts shattered when I heard Edward whisper into my ear, "Come, Bella. Come with me..."

I felt my body shake as I meshed my body against his, gripping the hair above his sweaty neck as I cried out his name one last time. His body matched my own as our bodies' needs became met. We whimpered as we rode out the last moments of our lovemaking. After catching our breaths, we leaned into another; our bodies slick with sweat and him still deep inside me. Our swollen red lips appended against one another, moving in tune to our bodies' slowing pulses. Our kiss broke for a breath, but our foreheads remained resting against one another. His staggering , but husky voice broke the silence.

_"__ Well I'm always coming down from the night before where I left you  
I'm always coming down, but I'm doing my best to get caught  
I'm always coming down from the night before when I beg you  
To hear what gets you off  
What gets you off  
What gets you off__ ..." _


	4. Was It A Dream?

Chapter Four: Was It A Dream?

Revised: April 26, 2009

The bright rays of the sunlight shone through my bedroom window facing out onto Chicago's morning traffic. The warmth washed over my face and my naked torso. My eyes fluttered open to look down my body. The lavender sheet, covering my hips and legs, resembled that of a tidal way. I rolled over on to my other side to see that the opposite side, Edward's side, was bare. My heart skipped a beat. No, no, no...it couldn't have been a dream.

I thought back to last night after the lust had died down. I remember being very tired and dizzy from the aftermath and the alcohol. I remembered Edward carrying me into my bedroom and laying me down in the bed; tucking me in and kissing me deeply, adoringly, before crawling in beside me. I remember him draping his arm around my stomach and pulling me to him; kissing my shoulder lightly before we drifted off into a mind numbing slumber.

That only meant one thing. He left without saying goodbye. Hell, even a 'thank you' would do, I suppose. Just as I felt every inch of happiness drain from my body, I heard his voice behind me in the doorway.

"Why the sad face, love?"

I whipped around, my brunette curls bouncing as I did so. "You didn't leave?!"

He laughed and held up two Starbucks coffee cups. "I knew I should have told you, but you looked so peaceful...I thought you'd need this."

He handed me one of the cups and sighed, " I didn't know what you liked, so I guessed the Berry Chai Tea would do..."

I blinked a couple of times before nodding, "Thank you, but...couldn't you leave a note or something?"

Edward's signature grin washed across his lips as he sat down by me on the edge of the bed, reaching out to rub my hip affectionately. "Sorry...I didn't want to snoop around your place to find a pen and paper..."

I sat up, setting the coffee cup down on my night table and letting the sheet that covered my chest fall down as I wrapped my arms behind his neck; kissing him with as much passion as I could allow. I felt him smirk some before kissing me back, allowing his fingers to tangle in my hair as he did so. We parted after a few seconds. "What was that for?" He whispered afterward, his eyes locking with mine.

I shook my head, "I dunno...I guess for not leaving without saying goodbye...and for the coffee..."

Edward laughed as he ran his fingers through his messy locks. "I don't like sneaking out. Not my style...and you are welcome." He stared at me for a few minutes before looking down at his watch, then back up at me with remorse. "I should run. My classes are going to be starting in a couple of hours."

I watched as he stood up and slipped his leather jacket back on before leaning down to kiss me once more. "You were amazing last night, Bella...please, I want to see you again soon, okay?" He took my hand and slipped a piece of paper into the palm. "Call me."

I nodded slightly before kissing him again, "I will."

He grinned and walked out, bidding me one last goodbye. I listened as he clicked the lock in place on the front door before closing it behind him. I leaned against the headboard and smiled as I looked at the piece of paper he had given me. It was Cult Classic's playlist from the night before. I flipped it over to the back and smiled when I saw Edward's fine script:

Edward Cullen

Cell - 773-490-1918

Home - 773-698-4037

I blushed as I thought about last night again. I was completely out of character. I never did anything that...risqué before with anyone, including my long term boyfriends. There was something potent about Edward Cullen that kept me wanting more.

------------------------Later on that day------------------------

I slipped on my muted black pumps behind the perfume counter before smoothing out my pinstripe pencil skirt and straightened out my Macy's name tag. I had just gotten to my assigned station before my supervisor, Mr. Banner, passed by, giving me an vigilant peep to let me silently know that I was almost late again today. I blew out a sigh of relief when he continued walking and began working on the perfume displays lining the countertop. As I was dusting the Prada display and thinking about the same cologne Edward had on the night before, I heard sharp clicks of stilettos approach behind me.

"Oh, thank god you are here! If Banner were to ask me where you were one more time...." my co-worker, close friend, AND Emmett's girlfriend of three years, Rosalie, prattled out.

I chuckled and continued on to the next display, "Sorry, my class went a little late today and I missed the early train. How are you doing, Rose?"

Rosalie shrugged, "Eh, alright, Em and I...wait...what is that?" She smirked and pulled down the collar of my crisp white blouse, tracing her manicured finger nail lightly across the hickey Edward accidently left on my neck last night. I turned crimson and swatted her hand way, smiling some. "Nothing..."

Rosalie spun me around to face her with a huge grin on her face. "That is SOMETHING. Bells, did you get some last night?!"

I shushed her and pulled away, looking quickly around the foyer to be sure no one had heard. Luckily, everyone was too self-absorbed to care. "Rose, can't you be less obvious?"

She bit the corner of bottom lip; her Kat Von D Stormy lip gloss glistening under the florescent lights, a smile toying on her face. "Who was it? How was it? I want every filthy detail, Swan."

I groaned some, "Not now, okay? Jeez..."

Before she could get out another word, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to meet a pair of familiar green eyes. "Miss Swan, could you assist me in finding the perfect fragrance for a lady friend of mine?"


	5. Come See About Me

Chapter Five: Come See About Me

Revised: April 26, 2009

"Edward!" I managed to croak out in surprise at his very presence. I couldn't believe he was here, in the flesh, at my counter...buying perfume for his 'lady friend'.

Tanya.

My heart nearly bottomed out at the very gesture and I could feel the temperature of my blood plummet.

His expression, however, remained fruitful and nonchalant; as if it were perfectly customary for a man to buy his girlfriend a gift with the assistance of the Macy's salesgirl that he slept with the night before. Disappointment dissipated and something more wicked came its way. I was utterly livid. Before I could even consider mustering up the courage to give him a tongue lashing of a lifetime (with no erotic puns intended), he surprised me with a chuckle.

"My sources told me you worked here, Miss Swan..."

I couldn't help but smile in relief before countering back. He actually came to see me! "Your sources are blabbermouths, you know."

Edward's snickered coyly at my response, "I'll be sure to let Jasper know that." He quietly cleared his throat even there wasn't a hint of roughness in what he said prior. His green eyes, downcast now, gazed over the colorful array of perfume bottles that littered the clear glass counter top between us. A smile played across his lips as he tapped his fingertips, the very ones that made me croon and moan in raptures the night before, against the edge of the counter. The thought of last night's circuitous deeds caused my blush to splash across my cheeks. He smiled and waited patiently.

I took the implication of silence as a sign and began our innocent role play.

"So...you say you are looking for a fragrance for your 'lady friend', is that correct?" I asked with my best 'customer friendly' smile and pleasant voice full of perk interest. I leaned forward modestly on the countertop to peer into his eyes. "Can you tell me a little bit about her?"

Edward's fingertips continued to skim the silver frame lining of the display case, his eyes pensive. "Well...I met her at this club. She was there to see my band..."

"Oh really?" I pretended to act shocked...well, really, I was...I wasn't expecting myself to be 'the lady friend'.

"Yeah...well, I ended up spending the most incredible evening with her. I was hoping to pick up a little something for her to wear the next time I see her, which I'm hoping will be very soon...maybe even tonight after she gets off work?"

Oh hell...someone pinch me...

I've been telling myself over and over that I was digging myself a hole; that a one nighter was wrong, but a continuing relationship...that was corrupt. I couldn't see myself being that other woman. I couldn't see myself in a friends with benefits situation. I couldn't even picture being a groupie.

But, I nod and responded back in a code he'd only be able to interpret. "Oh, that seems sufficient then."

He grinned and nodded at my secret acceptance. "I was thinking about taking her out for dinner and perhaps explaining my intentions. I want to get her something in reference to last night. Particularly in the Prada line...she seemed quite fond of the cologne I wore that night and it so happens to be in that line."

"Yes, of course," I managed to sputter out as I pulled some Prada tester bottles out from the display case and sat them in front of him along with some test strips. He shook his head.

"No, I won't be needing the test strips. I want you to test them on yourself. I think it would help me make the best decision."

I nodded silently to acknowledge that would be fine. I watched as he picked up the first bottle of perfume and reached for my wrist; holding it upright in his hand. A light, cool mist hit my wrist in a matter of seconds and then the tip of his nose grazed my wrist. "Hmm..." he murmured, concentrating on the essence of the scent. He slowly pulled away, allowing his lips to slightly trace my skin as he did so.

"No...that won't do. Too musky. I picture her smelling more, delicate, like citrus or jasmine..." His eyes left mine and trailed down to the dark plum colored bottle that I just pulled out of the case. He picked it up and read the label; smiling crookedly. He looked up at me and reached up with his free hand and brushed my hair behind my shoulder before holding up the bottle with the other.

He looked around, precautious, for any voyeurs before smiling back at me. "Let's try this one."

I watched as his hand with the perfume bottle came closer to my neck before feeling another cool mist meet my the warm valley on the side of my neck; right below my ear. He leaned in to smell the scent of subtle jasmine and I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as the tip of his nose nuzzled the spot, inhaling. I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes as I enjoyed the affectionate gesture. It took several mental jabs to remind myself we were in public.

"Mmmm....exactly what I wanted," he murmured into my ear, his lips brushing its shell with every syllable. Before I could utter a word, he pulled away to retrieve his wallet. My eyes grew large as I watched him fish out three crisp fifties and a twenty. My hands reached out to grab his in effort to stop him.

"Edward...no...this perfume cost more than my lab fees at school. It's absurd..."

He shook his head vehemently, "I won't accept a decline, Miss Swan. Besides, you cannot refuse service without rightful purpose."

He handed me the money, clasping my hands around it with his own. "Please, Bella."

I sighed as I pulled away and went to the register to finalize the sale begrudgingly. Why must he be so damn complicated? I got his receipt and put it in the bag with the box of perfume, preparing to hand it back to him. I went back to where he was only to find that he was gone and Rosalie had taken his place. She smiled slyly as he handed me a folded up Clinque Happy ad that we sat out the week before last.

"Bella, what was that all about? Is that the guy? He looks familiar..." Rosalie continued to prattle out her questions as I turned my internal volume down; not really interested in answering her inquiries right now. All I wanted to do is find out what he left behind.

I unfolded the ad curiously and flipped it over to the back where Edward's neat script greeted me again.

_Miss Swan,_

_Please do not forget your engagement with me this evening for dinner. I will be waiting for you at 8 o'clock sharp at the Riva at Navy Pier. Just tell the host you are with Cullen, party of two._

_Wear something incredible along with the perfume that I just bought you. When I saw the name of the perfume, I thought of you and last night. Only one word could describe last night for me and that name on the bottle sums it up._

_I'll see you tonight._

_Affectionately,_

_Mr. Cullen_

I re-read the letter once more like a lovesick school girl before reaching in the back into the bag to retrieve the box of perfume Edward selected for me. I read the label on the box and giggled some at the connection he referred to in his letter.

_Prada: Intense_


	6. Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Six: Dirty Little Secret

Revised: April 26, 2009

The heels of my black Kenneth Cole pumps click clacked at a rapid pace down the boardwalk; the wind swished the ruche silk and chiffon of my matching black dress. I pulled my white cashmere sweater closer around me in a meager attempt to keep warm against the cold chill coming off Lake Michigan before looking down at my watch. It was now 7:57 and was approaching the Riva's doors. I thought I'd NEVER get here in time. First, there was the last minute customer that wanted to argue with me over the new return policy on opened items. Then, I had to rush home to get dressed while Alice attempted to give me the third degree on what I had done last night. I was damn near lucky I didn't miss my train.

I took a calm, collected breath before entering the Riva. I looked around to see if I could see those soft bronze locks anywhere, but was disappointed to see only a sea of brunettes, auburns, and sandy blondes. Maybe he was here. Maybe he wasn't even planning on coming. Maybe...

"Do you have reservations, miss?"

My pacing thoughts and worries came to a halt as I turned my attention to the middle-aged gentleman wearing a black tux in front of me. My guess would be that he was in his late 40s, slender, with a full head of thick charcoal black hair. He smiled kindly at me as he waited for my response.

I cleared my throat, "Yes...Cullen? Party of two."

His grin widened, "Ah! Mr. Cullen has been waiting patiently for you, Miss Swan. Please, follow me."

I followed the host down a hall away from the dining hall. Before I could ask where he was taking me, he stopped at the end of the hall in front of some double cherry doors; a thin red velvet cord draped around the neck of the doorknob. He knocked three times, opening the door when a velvety voice granted permission to enter. I stepped closer and gasped.

It was like a scene from a movie; like something similar to Penny Serenade or Sabrina. Edward was standing by one of three plate glass windows, his back toward the glistening lights of Chicago's skyline and the cool blue of the lakefront. One small round table set in the center of the room covered in a creamy cotton tablecloth, a set of wine glasses, a bottle of red wine, and two small candles; their glow casting dancing shadows across his pale face. He smiled when he saw me and began to walk over to me.

"Bella...you look utterly, heart breakingly beautiful tonight," he took my hand in his, bringing it to his lips to apply an open mouth kiss to my knuckles. I felt my blush reclaim my cheeks.

I looked around the breathtaking room. It was rich with its dark cherry paneling and hard wood floors. It was also private. I nearly choked on my intake of air as I thought about how costly and exclusive these types of private rooms were in a Chicago restaurant. Rosalie, coming from a wealthy family herself, told me stories about these private rooms and how ridiculously expensive they were to rent for one evening. My thoughts came to a close once more tonight when I felt Edward's fingers lace between mine as he led me to my seat, "I hope you don't mind, but I already ordered our meals," he tilted his head toward the silver covered trays setting in front of both chairs. I sat down in the chair that he pulled out for me and shook my head in response, but also in utter amazement.

"Edward...you didn't have to do all this. It had to have cost a fortune..." I sputtered out as I watched him sit down across from me, his hands reaching out to caress mine.

"Bella, please. It was nothing. I got this at a discount, if that eases your mind. The owner owed my father a favor..."

"Who is your father? The Don of Little Italy?" He laughed at my Godfather reference before responding, "No...he's just the chief of operations at Michael Reese Hospital. He oversaw a triple bypass on the owner's brother and business partner a few months ago. "

"Oh...this is a nice expression of gratitude. Are you sure you want to waste it on me?" I watched as he began pouring red wine into both our glasses, his lips crooked with a smile.

"Positive. Besides, I'm not the wasteful kind." He set the wine bottle back down in the middle of the table and moved toward the silver cover in front of him. "Let's eat, shall we?"

I heard his boyish chuckle as we both removed the covers. I gazed down at my plate, pleasantly surprised it wasn't something exotic or farfetched. Instead of escargot or lobster tail, there was the all-American classic: a bacon cheeseburger and some french fries.

My chiming laughter could no longer be contained and it soon created a fusion with his own robust chuckles.

His simplicity of the arrangement made me fall even more for him. This could end badly. Then again, this could be exactly what we both needed.

I was going to enjoy this for as long as I possibly could.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We managed to finish our dinner and dessert of warm apple pie a la mode between small talk about our classes, our interests, and our families. I sipped my fifth glass of wine, relishing its warmth and depth, as I listened to Edward talk about his family. His father, Carlisle, had been the chief of operations since 1996. His mother, Esme, was the Editor-In-Chief of Chicago's Luxehome magazine (a favorite of Alice's). He was an only child; his twin sister, Audrey (whom Esme named after her favorite actress, Audrey Hepburn), was stillborn. His family lived in the prestigious Edgewater district of Chicago with the lakefront in their own backyard.

I told him about Forks, Washington; the place I refer to as home. I told him about my father and Forks' Chief of Police, Charlie and how my parents went through a bitter divorce when I was only four months old. I told him what it was like being an only child in a single parent home; insisting that the situation was not a bitter one for me. I told him about the green moss covered trees that lined the brick drive way where my rusty '57 Chevy remained parked. I told him how much I missed driving the damn thing and the way it smelled of peppermint, gasoline, and tobacco.

He listened with authentic interest: a slight smile and the fire of the candles between us flickering in his mossy green eyes.

Green. I love the color because it always made me feel safe; at home.

Silence fell between us once we finished the last drops of wine. I broke my eye contact with his so I could look out the large window beside us. The darkness of night enveloped the city and the lakefront became a vast body of small tides. Transfixed, I stood up and went over to the glass, pressing my palms to its cool surface as I looked out in wonder.

I felt Edward's hands caress my hips then stomach through the sheer fabric of my dress as he nuzzled my neck with his nose. "Bella...I wanted to talk to you about my intentions..."

I closed my eyes and tried to rationalize with myself. He was going to let me down gently. He was going to simply say mistakes happen and our passion just so happened to be one of his errors in judgment. If I prepare myself for this, I will take it well in front of him. I would not show how heartbroken I'll truly be about his realization. I waited...

...and waited...

I heard his breath hitch next to my earlobe right before his lips brushed the shell of my ear, making me shiver.

"Bella...I can't leave Tanya right now. Her father is my father's best friend and colleague. Tanya's father is a man with a lot of power that can not only affect my future in medicine, but my father's. Please, understand this...but also understand that I swear to you I intend end things with Tanya when the time is right..."

I stayed silent as I tried to understand what he was saying, but it was hard to comprehend anything as his hands trailed up my stomach. His hands lightly cupped my breasts and began to massage them leisurely. I purred and tilted my head back to rest on the center of his muscular chest. "Edward...it isn't right..."

He sighed against my neck before nipping it gently, "Bella, darling, I know it isn't right, but don't you see how much I need you? How much I want you?" He began to grind his hardness into my backside, causing a moan to slip between my bitten lips. "Bella, I feel connected to you in more ways than sexually. These last two days have been bliss because of you. Give me time, baby, and you'll find me true to my word. I want to be with you. Only you. In order to this, I need your patience and understanding. We will be together soon. I promise."

He kissed my neck with urgency as he slid his hands into the cups of my dress and pinched my nipples. I gasped as I tilted my head up to meet his lips in a sensuous open mouth kiss. It may have been naive of me to believe what he said, but the sincerity of his eyes made it possible. Looking into his eyes made me realize that I would wait forever if it was what he desired.

He continued our kiss as his hands continued to mold my bare breasts. As our tongues began to dance together, I felt his hands creep out of the cups of my dress and down my body. He slipped one hand under my dress and into my red lacey thong. He toyed with my wet slit then my clit with ghostly fingertips. I gasped out in shock and immense gratification as he rubbed the aroused bud to attention.

"E-E-Edw-ard! Wh-oh fuck....w-what if someone....oh sweet god...." I whimpered as his fingers slipped into my wet core, tracing my entrance.

He growled some as he began to slip one finger into my wetness. "Fuck, Bella....so wet...no....that cord on the doorknob....oh hell....it's for privacy...." He kissed my ear lobe before sucking it into his mouth to be nibbled on. By this point, two of his fingers were pumping into me as my palms continued to hold onto the window pane for support. I watched, my eyelids partly hooding my eyes with covet, the tides slap against the rocks outside, hypnotizing me as Edward's hand continued to service me faster and harder. One of my palms detached from the pane to reach back and grip the back of his head by the hair. I pulled his mouth down to meet mine in a fraught, lustful kiss. I cried out into his mouth, muffled as I came hard against his lithe fingers. He exited my sex and my panties; bringing his fingers, glistening in the candlelight, to his swollen lips. He inserted both fingers into his mouth and sucked my nectar off as I watched in blissful torture.

"Mmmm...you taste so good, love. Better than the oldest of wines." He continued to lap up any neglected drops between his fingers as I caught my breath. Once he was through, I turned to face him. I was no longer interested in the view...at least not the Chicago view. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his body to mine so they were completely flush against each other. I began kissing his neck, chin, jaw, then finally his lips.

Between the feather light kisses, I murmured, "Edward...I'll wait...but please...don't keep me waiting long...."

He nodded before capturing my lips with his once more as he lifted the skirt of my dress and began to pull down my soaked thong, being attentive to my needs the entire time by kissing my bare skin right above the thigh high stockings I was wearing. I watched as he balled my thong up before tucking it into his suit jacket before standing up to allow me to undo his belt and dress slacks. I allowed my hand to reach into his white cotton boxers to feel his hard, long length; giving it a few strokes before pulling it out.

I gasped as he picked me up and pressed me to the cold hard glass, wrapping my legs around his slender waist before thrusting into me. I cried out as his tip started to hit my g-spot repeatedly. I grinded my hips against his as my fingers weaved through his hair; my moans and purrs mixing with his groans as he goes faster and harder. His lips connected with my collarbone, gently biting into my flesh causing me to cry out in ecstasy, "Oh god...Edward!"

"B-Bella...will you be my lover; my mistress; my Juliet of the night? Tell me now," his voice filled with lust and demand overcame the sounds of my panting and the hum of the vibrations coming off the glass window.

"Mmmm....yes!" I cried out, gripping him tighter as my heels digged into his lower back.

He pounded harder into me growling like a predator in the fierce attack of its prey.

"Bella, say you'll be my dirty little secret..."

I shook as I felt myself coming closer to nirvana, but I still managed to croon out..."I'll be your dirty little secret Edward...for now."

He grinned, cocky, before pressing his lips to mine. He reached down between us and rubbed my clit once more, unleashing my tidal wave. I shivered and shook, gripping his shoulder blades tighter as we both cried out in each other's mouths; coming together.

He waited for my breathing and stamina to come back before putting me down, my feet meeting the floor. He buttoned up his pants after wrapping my sweater around my shoulders and ruffling out my skirt. He then smiled at me and pulled me in for a slow kiss.

"Bella, my sweet, intense lover. I swear that this will work out. I will make it work out. You are a part of my life now."

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he meant every word. I just hoped that he could find that way out soon without jeopardizing his goals or his father's career.

Edward's velvety voice and soft hand entwining with one of mine captured my attention, "Hey, let's go. You can stay with me tonight."

My jaw dropped slightly, "What about Tanya?"

He laughed, "She's in New York these next couple of days."

I imagined Edward and I, under sheets and a soft duvet. His arms draped across my bare back; my naked breasts pressing against his warm chest. Eyes closed and mouths slightly parted in deep slumber.

The imagery was enough to make me merely nod in acceptance.

We left the Riva without odd glances from other patrons, surprisingly enough. Edward bid goodbye to the host from earlier as we walked out the door and toward a nearby parking lot...even closer to a silver motorcycle...a Harley Davidson to be exact.

I had to blink a few times to be sure I was suffering from hallucinations caused by mind blowing lovemaking. "Edward...is that..." I just looked at the bike, eventually pointing, speechless.

He smirked as he patted the duo seat lovingly, "Yeah, this is my other girl. Tanya hates it." He reached for my waist and pulled me closer to him, leaning down some to kiss my swollen lips. "I assure you, I'm a careful driver though...but if you feel uncomfortable, we can call a ca-"

I stopped him from continuing with another slow kiss. Eventually, I pulled away and smiled up at him, "No...I want to try this...might be fun..."

He grinned and quickly scooped me up, positioning me onto the seat after putting his helmet on my head. "Gotta protect my precious cargo," he said with a crooked grin before climbing on and starting the ignition. He revved the engine a few times before reaching down to rub one of my legs that straddled his sides.

"You better hold on tight, spider monkey..." He called out over the engine.

I complied and gripped his waist tighter, curling my fingers around the his belt as he hit the gas.


	7. Living In Twilight

Chapter Seven: Living In Twilight

Revised: April 26, 2009

I shivered as Edward pulled the motorcycle into an empty lot in his building's parking garage. I relished the warmth of the indoors as he cut the motor and stood up; running his fingers through his windblown hair. I caught his attention as I held up the memento I had found while he drove through the dark streets of Chicago after 'our date'.

We were half-way down West Clark Avenue, about to turn on Addison Avenue, where Edward's loft was located. The wind whipped around us as I gripped Edward tighter; eventually slipping my freezing hands into his jacket pockets. My fingers made contact with lace, satin, and string....then I realized why I was freezing...down there...I buried my face into the middle of his back, trying to keep myself from blushing.

"Edward, darling, why do you still have my panties?" I twirled them between my fingers as I watched him turn crimson. Good. About time he did for a change.

He deftly reached out and hooked them out of my fingers with his one long index finger, balling them up once more before sliding them into his pocket. "I wish to keep these as a relic tonight. Something I can keep close for when I can't be near you."

I didn't counter back, but nodded in understanding. I allowed him to lift me off the bike, placing me on the stable concrete floor before pulling me into a intimate kiss. Afterward, he wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the elevator; clicking the 'Up' button. We shared cherished kisses to each other's exposed flesh as the elevator descended. The doors finally opened and Edward ushered me in before hitting the button for the top floor.

The ride was silent, peaceful. This was probably because his lips were occupied with my exposed neck line. The slow, open mouth kisses were not the kind that led to sex, though. These were just kisses of expressing something deeper, more meaningful. He stopped once the doors opened again to reveal a modern hallway with white walls and black marble floors. Lacing his fingers between my own, he led me out of the elevator and down the hallway to his loft. As he unlocked the door, I massaged his shoulder blades, planting soft, lingering kisses between them right on his spine. I felt him reach back to rub my hip gently as he choked out a chuckle.

"I am happy that you can stay the night, Bella. You don't know how excited I am to have you in my bed with me; my arms around you tight...just sleeping...like a normal couple would."

A normal couple. I felt some sadness creep into my thoughts as he pulled me into his dark apartment. God, I promised myself I wouldn't think of this just yet. I wanted that with Edward.

I reminded myself what he had said earlier after we made love. We would have that. I would have the pleasure of loving Edward without the culpability. I just need to be patient.

I felt his arms wrap around my waist after he flicked the light switch, casting a warm glow around the loft apartment. It was small, but cozy as I imagined it to be. To the left side of the living room was his living room; consisting of a cream loveseat, a burgundy chaise tucked in the corner of the room. A dark cherry bookcase and a small plasma screen T.V. lined the wall opposite of the sofa. To the right was a kitchenette complete with stainless steel appliances and a breakfast bar for two. Black and white photographs and a couple of guitars flanked the white walls of the multi-purpose space. The space was modest with hints of vintage charm; a true reflection of Edward. I even noticed his vast vinyl collection along with his dark paneled GE turntable console that set in a small alcove by hit front door. The console was clearly refurbished and well-maintained.

I shook my head in amazement as I walked further into the room, forgetting my previous concerns as I took everything in. I looked back at him and smiled as I slipped my cashmere sweater off, casually draping it over the arm of the sofa.

"This is incredible, Edward...it's so light...and open..."

He chuckled as he pulled me to his chest again, kissing my hair line. "What did you expect? Riding crops, dungeons, and chains?"

I laughed, "No...not the dungeons..."

He joined in with a snicker, "Not the dungeons."

My laughter dimmed down to a subtle giggle before being interrupted by a yawn. He gently massaged the small of my back, tittering some before moving both hands down to cup my bottom. "I think I wore you out..."

"No....I'm...fin-" my protests were alternated once more with another, louder yawn. He grinned and kissed my cheek before picking me up bridal style and heading down a small hallway to what I assumed was his bedroom. I whined in disappointment. I wanted to stay awake with him forever; afraid that if I fall asleep I'll wake up without him there.

He sighed at the clear indication that I didn't want to fall asleep yet. "Baby, we have all day tomorrow together plus we don't have to fall asleep right away...we can always talk."

I reluctantly nodded as he sat me at the edge of his plush bed and began to undress me slowly. His nimble fingers pulled the zipper of my dress off; allowing it to drop down to my waist. My nipples hardened at the cool contact of the night air. He bent forward and kissed both; resting his warm hand on my tummy before going back to work undressing me. He pushed the skirt of my dress up, bunching up around my hips as he began to unclasp my nude thigh high stockings to pull each one down slowly. I lifted my hips for him as he pulled my dress along with my garter belt off, leaving me naked to him again on the center of the bed.

He smiled as he looked me over, "Beautiful, as always." He bent forward to kiss my lips as he slipped a large silk black dress shirt on my body. He began to button the pearl buttons from the bottom of the top to the middle of my breasts. He chuckled as he looked at the top that practically swallowed me into a sea of silk.

"You look so hot in my clothes, baby." I blushed at the compliment as I began to help him undress as well. I didn't want to neglect him after all the attention he had lavished upon me tonight.

After some time past between our kisses and caresses, we finally curled into Edward's queen sized bed. The white Egyptian cotton sheets was feather soft against our skin and the black satin duvet radiated heat. Edward tenderly pulled me closer by the waist, nuzzling his nose against mine before kissing my lips, tugging my bottom lip into his mouth to imperceptibly suckle. I moaned breathlessly before kissing him back; weaving my fingers into his hair. He pulled away with a smirk, slipping his hand up the shirt I was wearing to massage my side before moving up to my nearest breast to cup it dotingly.

"Bella...this feels right, doesn't it? Us, together. Holding each other. Kissing. Touching. You are my missing puzzle piece. No one can fit me so perfectly."

I blushed, "It does."

He looked deep into my eyes, copying their yearning and worship to match my own. He leaned in and kissed my lips again, whispering against them, "Soon, love, we will not have to hide in the shadows of twilight. Soon, we will be able to be that couple everyone envies. You'll see."

I nodded sleepily before reaching up to kiss him once more. "Soon."

Within minutes, we were swathed into a deep slumber, holding on to each other as if the other would disappear.

Together, without the secrecy for now. Living in twilight.

Just as I imagined a normal couple would do.


	8. News From Your Bed

Chapter Eight: News From Your Bed

Revised: April 26, 2009

This was such a hot dream.

I was in a dark room, lying on plush fabrics consisting of Egyptian cotton and satin. My night shirt was completely unbuttoned and my flesh exposed; my nipples taut and wet from an invisible, velvety lips that lazily suckled and kissed them. Ghostly hands traveled down my sides as the impalpable lips pulled away and traveled down the center of my heaving chest, down the flat landscape of my stomach, finally claiming territory of my waiting arousal. I felt my slit being parted and something wet, incredibly soft and hot slip into my swells of desire. I moaned as the phantom licked upward in between my folds, lapping up my spilling nectar before making contact with my clit. The lips paused for a fleeting moment before moving closer to kiss it slowly; eventually letting its tongue creep out to circle it. Then, without warning, the lips sucked my hard little gem into its mouth while long, slender fingers slipped inside me. Arched into a "J", the fingers pumped and tapped my g-spot over and over as the lips continued to suck; sharp teeth lightly grazing each roused nerve. I tried moving my arms, wanting to pull the mysterious lips closer to my wet core, but something held them back.

I heard a piercing scream of pleasure and my eyes flickered open to meet the sunlight seeping through the cracks of the blinds in Edward's bedroom. It was then I realized the intense pleasure from my dream was still happening. The sucking and the thrusting was all real. The cry of delight broke through the husky pants and 'mmms' coming from between my legs. I then realized that that cry was escaping my own throat. My sleepy eyes perked open and looked down my body to see a messy head of bronze locks moving vigorously between my thighs. My legs were draped over my lover's smooth naked shoulders; one hand caressed my right leg as the other kept playing me. Again, I attempted to reach down to stroke his hair back only to find my arms were pinned against the wrought iron headboard. My eyes broke their hooded gaze to peer above my horizontal position. A silver glint from the morning sun's reflection coming off my wrists caught my scattered attention. Handcuffs clasped my wrists to the bed. My turned my head; left cheek pressing to the cold fabric of the pillow beneath me. I moaned out, sealing my eyelids shut at the realization and at the first intense orgasm that shook through my body.

My eyes opened once he finished drinking from me. I felt his body ease down on top of mine; his warm, wet lips kissing my shivering jugular vein. With a shaky sigh escaping my slightly parted lips, I smiled, turning my face up to meet his flushed one. His eyes glittered in the morning light as he smirked at me, a bit smug. "Good morning, love."

"Mmm...good morning indeed," I arched my neck to kiss him. I wanted to touch him so badly, but the restraint of the handcuffs made it damn near impossible. I bit down on his bottom lip gently before he pulled away, chuckling.

"I hope you don't mind this kind of wake up call," he murmured as he traced my suspended arms with his finger tips before descending down to his shirt I was wearing, pushing one side out of the way to massage my breast. "You just looked so mouth-watering this morning...parts of your flesh exposed...no panties...mmm, and as always, you were quite delectable." He leaned down to kiss my marble hard nipple that he had been indolently teasing. I giggled and arched my back just a little, encouraging him to continue.

"Thank you...are you available, say, around 6:30 in the morning Monday through Friday? I may not be late for classes ever again..."

He smiled coyly before nipping my bottom lip, "Mmm...I'm think I can handle that."

His lips pressed against mine once more until the thin chain of the handcuffs scraped lightly against the captured bed post. He pulled away and to reach over to his nightstand to grab a small silver key. Reaching above me, his legs straddling my hips, he unlocked the cuffs and leaned forward to kiss my bruising wrists. He set the cuffs and the key back on his night table before lying down beside me, pulling me close. My hands began to trace his chest as I kissed his nipple, gently biting down on it earning me a succulent moan. I smirked, "So...how did you acquired handcuffs?"

His laugh caused his chest to vibrate against my roaming hands and lips, "Stole them from Emmett's locker one day when I was picking him up from the police station."

I chuckled some as I thought about how that could be a potential felony, stealing the property of the Chicago police department. Emmett has been with the force for three years and is a real stickler with the by-laws. Edward was lucky he didn't get caught.

The thought of Edward breaking the law made me incredibly hot again. I smiled up at him reticently as my fingertips traced the waist band of his boxers. My eyes skimmed down his body to his large, erect member; ready for my enjoyment. I looked back up at him and kissed him ardently. He got the hint right away, lifting his hips up to allow me access. I promptly pulled his boxers off to permit his erection sovereignty for the moment. I straddled his stomach, leaning forward to kiss his lips as I pressed my wetness against his skin as I began to rock my hips. I reached down between us to rub my swollen clit with my own fingers as I bit his bottom lip. His eyes shifted down between our bodies to watch my fingers work the bud causing me to moan.

"Mmm...Edward...I want you so bad...but I didn't take my birth control this morning..."

He groaned as I moved my fingers into my tight slit that he penetrated merely minutes before, "I got condoms....the night table drawer..."

I pulled away and reached into the drawer of his night table, finally retrieving a condom that was forgotten at the bottom of his drawer under a stack of guitar and motorcycle magazines and extra guitar picks. It occurred to me as I was removing it from the package and slipping it onto his hard member that the reason why he had this condom wasn't because of me. It was because of Leatherface.

The guilt had resurfaced, but was pushed aside as Edward pulled me back to him by the hips once the condom was on. He cupped the back of my neck with one hand as his other arm wrapped around my back, pulling me down on top of him. I moaned as he began to pump in and out of me. I licked his lips before crushing my lips against his, silencing his groans. God, why does everything that taste or feel so fucking breathtaking and fantastic have to be so horribly wrong? My finger nails bit into the back of his neck before my fingers urged their release only to slide up into his hair and clutch for dear life as our pelvises thrust against one another. His response to this was to slide his hand down and to rub my clit with his calloused thumb as he lavished my breasts with open mouthed kisses.

"Mmmm....Edward...." I reached down with my free hand and pressed his hand into me some more earning another cry. I prayed that it wasn't loud enough for the neighbors to hear. His lips abandoned my nipples and went up to my neck, biting down hard enough to cause me to gasp out. He pulled me closer before rolling us onto my back.

He grabbed my calves and rested them on his shoulders before thrusting into me hard and hasty. I felt myself clamp around him as he leaned down, folding me, to kiss my swelling lips. I found his hands on each side of my head and reached up to lace my fingers between his once more. He continued to tap hard against my g-spot causing me to croon out his name each time. He smirked at me crookedly, cockily, before grinding his hips against me in a circular motion.

"Ahh...fuck....Ineedtocum...." I whimpered as he moved faster. He moved forward and traced the shell of my ear with the tip of his tepid tongue.

"Come on, Bella...cum for me....with me...." His shaky voice encouraged as his thumb reclaimed my clit; rubbing rigidly as his hips continued to grind along with my own.

Our crooning became moaning and our moaning became cries of unadulterated gratification as we both let go together. His eyes clasped closed, breaking our contact, for a moment as his hips slowed along mine. Beads of perspiration sparkled on his face as the sunlight poured into the room. I sat up on my elbows, my fingers still claiming his, as I licked his upper lip twice and rather leisurely before resting my lips against his supple ones.

"Edward...." I breathlessly stated. His eyes looked into mine before kissing me once more, resting his nose against mine.

"Bella... il mio cuore rapitore di s,"

I don't know what he said to me...and I didn't care. His lips brushed against my knuckles of the hand that was still keeping his company.

It was then I knew.

I was completely and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen, a taken man.


	9. A Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction

Chapter Nine: A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction

Revised: April 26, 2009

It was near noon when I was woken up by the sun's dazzling rays. I moaned slightly as I rolled over onto my other side and scooted myself closer to Edward, but paused abruptly when my hand met his pillow and not his firm chest. I shot up and looked around to find that he was not in the room with me. At the foot of the bed was a large pastel and hot pink striped bag that I was all too familiar with due to Alice's many shopping trips: Victoria's Secret.

I grabbed the bag and peered into it to find brand new clothes, all in my size. I couldn't bear looking at the price tags. If I did, I'd probably end up walking around naked all day.

It can get pretty damn cold in Chi-town, after all.

I slipped out of the bed, carrying the bag across the bedroom to the immaculate bathroom to quickly shower and brush my teeth with the toothbrush Edward had left out for me. Quickly, I pulled on the white lace 'cheekie' panties, socks, jeans, and a pair of black chucks before moving to put on the white lacey bra, tank top, and hoodie. I brushed my hair into a sloppy bun after blow drying it. I did a quick once over in the full length mirror before going to find Edward.

As I exited the bedroom and made my short trip down the hall, I heard the familiar guitar chords of one of my favorite songs. I paused at the landing of his sunken in living room and peered out from the edge of the door frame. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw Edward, hunched over his Rickenbacker acoustic, strumming along in deep concentration. His bronze hair cascaded like a iron enriched waterfall, making a curtain between us. Not noticing my presence, he began to sing,

_The language in the dimmer rooms  
Seems to represent the light source well  
How soft they speak and seem to be at peace  
With the music and the madness that is pulling me into this  
And the shades of the lamps are woven red  
The light, it stains and consecrates  
Anointing all forgotten forms that swirl and smoke  
And haunt this place  
The girls in gowns all nurse the dark  
Pulling it near to their swelling breasts  
And watch as it seeps to their hearts  
And beats within their virgin chests  
And here I know seduction breeds  
From wanton hearts that would seduce  
And grows and spreads it's vine and leaves  
Embracing those who might have moved  
But now remain to drink the night from vials black and thick  
With intoxicating delights would leave you drunk  
Inside this dream  
And you watch them take the light from you  
And you find yourself on a velvet couch  
Tasting the skin of a foreign girl  
Her eyes are black and wet like oil  
And she ties your hands with a string of pearls  
And you tremble like a frightened bird  
As she closes in and captures you to place you  
In a silver cage deep within her poisoned womb  
So once you're safe inside, she might let you out  
To fly in circles around the room  
But it's always night and there is no moon  
And you wonder if you are still alive  
And you__'__re not sure if you want to be  
But you drink her sweat like it was wine  
And you lay with her on a bed of blue  
And it's awful sweet  
Like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you_

I waited, overwhelmed by the beauty and emotion of his private performance, before clearing my throat and stepping down into the living room. The soles of my shoes clicked against the hardwood floor as I took a couple of steps forward to where he was sitting. This caught his attention, making him look up at me. He smiled some, setting the guitar down in the chaise next to him and patting his lap.

"Hey, sleeping beauty...

I carefully sat down on his lap, relishing his touch as he wrapped his arms around my waist." I love Bright Eyes....that was....perfect. Oh, and thank you for the clothes...how did you know my size though?"

He smirked as he leaned in to kiss my throat, "Thanks....I love Bright Eyes too. And you're welcome. As for your size, the night I slept over, I snooped and wrote down the appropriate sizes...just in case." This made me blush some at the thought of Edward, looking through my undergarment drawer. He noticed this and nuzzled my cheek.

"It's not like I haven't seen your skivies, love. Quite nice, if I do say so myself."

I giggled and kissed him, "You are wicked, Mr. Cullen."

"And you are going to be the death of me, Miss Swan."

I looked around the room, my eyes falling on the black and white photographs I spotted last night. I unraveled myself from his arms to walk over to them; hoping to get a peek at his public life; the one I clearly couldn't be involved in right now.

The first photo I came across was an ultrasound showing two little babies tightly confined in the womb. I allowed my finger tips to trace both. Edward had snuck up behind me as I peered closely at the image dated January 5th, 1981. He wrapped an arm around me, pointing at the ultrasound with the other.

"The only photo I have of Audrey Rose, my twin," he murmured in my ear as he pointed to one of the babies in the picture. "She was born approximately three minutes after me. The doctor assisting my father with the birth tried reviving her...but it was no use."

I silently nodded as I reached down to rub the arm that was holding me, "You are her big brother then..."

He smiled crookedly, looking at the photo with questioning eyes, "Yeah," he said in a breathy tone.

My eyes gazed at the rest of his collection: photos of his childhood in Edgewater, his high school and college graduation photos, and photos of all his family and friends. He gave detailed information about each individual: their likes, dislikes, strengths, and flaws as I listened intently. By the time he was through, it was like I knew each person inside out. We finally made it down to the last one. A black and white photograph of him with Tanya; his arms around her waist. A exact copy of us right now. They were standing on a beach, the sunset warming their backs, as the shutter clicked. Smiling and barefoot, they looked so happy and carefree.

Edward sighed, "The Florida Keys. 2003. We just got together three months before this photo was taken...our parents were exultant that we finally started dating. We got along there for awhile...then I realized how self-absorbed she could be..."

I continued looking at the photo, wondering what Edward meant by 'self-absorbed'. I didn't have to ask for an explanation.

"Everything: every public touch, every public kiss...has to be perfect; ideal enough for us to look good; for our families to look good. She loathes the fact that I'm in a band; calls it 'shoddy'. She rather me be just a doctor that rakes in a decent amount of money. She wants me to go into plastic surgery rather than pediatrics. She claims it doesn't pay enough. She even wants to plan the future around wealth and exemplary social breeding. She wants the big, ostentatious million dollar wedding, the European honeymoon, and the utterly absurd house...too big for the two of us. She doesn't want children like I do..."

I listened as Edward talked acrimoniously about Tanya's wants and needs. Her entreaty, more like stipulation, on absolute perfection. My heart broke for him. I could see Edward, clear as day, living modestly in a small, but homely townhouse rather than an uncongenial estate. I could see him working closely with bundles of newborns, toddlers, and the premature with a sense of compassion and the utmost care. Then I can see him, coming home after a long day at work, being welcomed with open arms by bronze haired children: ranging in different ages. I wanted that for him just as I wanted it for myself some day.

He sighed and kissed the crown of my head affectionately.

"Bella..."

I looked up at him, seeing the tears setting on the brims of his eyes. I reached up to caress his cheek as I waited for him to speak. He forced a smile and shook his head. "Nothing..."

I knew it was nothing. That something was on his mind, but he was just too afraid to say it. Yet, I wasn't going to push him. It seemed like he was pressured enough by Leather face....

I mean, Tanya....controlling, manipulative Tanya that showed him no true love or common revere.

I returned my gaze to the photograph and even though he told me every dirty detail of Tayna's personality, I still found myself ridden with guilt. She was still his girlfriend, whether she was a bitch or not, and I was the mistress. The other woman. I never pictured myself in this quandary.

My mind tried to reaffirm that this wasn't wrong as long as the secret short-lived. I tried to focus on the love that exuded in the breaking of dawn, however, it still drifted back to the fact that our romance...our forbidden romance...would have that breaking point. Edward was going to have to choose at some point and my heart hid no shame that it wanted him to choose me over Leatherface...over Tanya, physically more beautiful, but terribly jaded on the inside.

This moment: its past and present, with its flaws and setbacks, turned a beautiful experience between two lovers into a sullied tale built on dilemmas, secrets, and adultery. Every kiss, every touch, every whisper full of lust was another sin broken. I reminded myself that Edward was a man of his word and someday things will work out for us. It was just a matter of when and at what cost.

Was it really a wise decision for him to select me? Plain, old Bella Swan of Forks, Washington? Living paycheck to paycheck and only the Chief of Police's daughter? Tanya had the looks, the brains, and the reputation. What could I possibly have that was better?

My saddened reality was interrupted when Edward kissed the corner of my lips. "Hey, why don't we get out of here? I got an idea on what we could do today."

I forced a smile before looking up at him, "Sure..."

He grabbed his keys and wallet before taking my hand, leading me out of the apartment and away from the various shades of blacks, grays, and whites of guilt that lined his wall.


	10. Picture This

Chapter Ten: Picture This

Revised: April 26, 2009

Edward's '48 panhead came to a stop about twenty minutes later in the Wicker Park district. After getting off the bike, he deftly helped me off and helped me with my helmet that he insisted I wore during the ride. I smiled as he straightened my hair before taken my hand in his warm one and began leading us down the sidewalk lined with maples and shops. He kissed the top of my head before taking a deep breath.

"So...here's the plan, Swan...today, we are going to do things that we have considered doing in the past, but never had the guts to do until now. For instance, I've always wanted to make up an entirely different life...just lie...to complete strangers, but still using my basics, like my name and such. So today, you are not just Bella Swan and I am not Edward Cullen."

He stopped our walk in front of the Aion Antiques and Tea Room entrance. "Today, Miss Swan, you are playing the role of Mrs. Edward Cullen. We are looking for a replacement wedding band after our three-year-old son...we'll call him E.J., short for Edward Jacob, decided to drop your ring down the sink of our little townhouse in Oakwood Shores. We've been married for four years now. High school sweethearts from Aurora, Illinois. Got it?"

My mouth hung agape as I nodded slightly, "S-sure."

He laughed and pulled me close as he led us into the shop, "I always wanted to play house. Seemed fun." He kissed my temple gently as a stout lady, perhaps in her late fifties, trotted up to us with a immense smile on her face.

"Hello dears! Welcome to Aion Antiques. I am Bernadette, the shop keeper. Are we looking for anything in particular or a nice hot cup of Earl Grey tea?" Her thick Scottish voice and motherly comportment made me smile, instantly feeling welcome.

"Actually, Bernadette, my wife and I are trying to find a replacement wedding ring. Our three-year-old son, E.J., managed to get a hold of hers when she was preparing his bath. Flushed the family heirloom down into the Chicago sewers."

Bernadette's eyes grew large like silver dollars and her pouty lips shaped into an "O" as she took in a shocked breath. "Oh dear me! You poor thing!" She took my hand in between her weathered ones, patting it gently. "You must be distraught!"

I faked my best flustered facial expression, "I am...I adored that ring and losing right before our four year anniversary too..." I bit my bottom lip to make it appear I'd tear up at any moment. I could have sworn I heard Edward choke back a chuckle as he rubbed my side.

"There, there, baby. We will find a ring just like that one. Bernadette, my wife happened to have this beautiful silver love knot wedding ring. Two love knots embracing a diamond; almost like the Claddagh. It was a cherished heirloom from my Irish ancestors. Do you happen to have something similar? Money is no demur, of course."

Bernadette's eyes brightened and her brows hitched upward, "Yes, dear! We actually have one that matches you description perfectly. Follow me, dears!" She briskly turned on her heel and scurried down the aisle way cluttered with antique furniture, books, and records. Edward's hand moved from the small of my back as he led me along.

"Edward, be reasonable, please. Money is an object..."

His lips brushing my ear stopped me from continuing, "Bella, darling, amuse me."

Bernadette led us back to a glass enclosed case, quickly unlocking it and reaching in to pull out the most gorgeous ring I had ever laid eyes on. It was timeless and even though the silver band was faded from excessive wearing, it was exactly what I imagined a wedding ring; my wedding ring (for all intensive purposes) resembling. She held it out for me to try on.

"I found it at an estate sale in Boston just this past weekend. Come on, dearie, let's see how it looks,"

I hesitantly lifted my left hand for her to slide the ring on my ring finger. It was a precise fit as if fate itself chose this ring for me. I held it up for Edward to admire with me; the small solitaire diamond, anchored down by a love knot on each side, glittered in the different hues of lights that were radiating from old Tiffany lamps and crystal chandeliers that were impartially placed throughout the shop.

I looked up at him to see that his expression matched my own; full of happiness. His crooked smile and twinkling eyes were ones similar of those of a man seeing his first baby shortly after birth. He was clearly enjoying this moment. He took my hand in his; lacing our fingers together as he looked closer at the ring.

"It's perfect. Almost an exact match. We'll take it..." He readily handed her his platinum visa credit card without blinking. I looked at him in shock.

I thumped him lightly in his stomach when she turned to go back to the card machine to process the transaction, "Edward! This ring....it has to cost a fortune! The diamond has to be at least a caret!"

He took my left hand in his and kissed the ring. "Just consider it a promise for something more, okay? I want you to have this one thing, Bella. Believe it or not, you are more than deserving of it."

I remained speechless as I watched him admire the ring once more, caressing my palm with his thumb. The intimate moment came to a close when he had to drop my hand to sign the bill. Bernadette smiled at us warmly as we made our way out of the store, calling out to us once more, "Goodbye lovelies! Make sure that wee one doesn't repeat his actions!"

We both stifled a giggle as we both closed the door behind us. He pulled me close to his side as we continued our walk down the sidewalk. I lifted up my hand to look at the ring once more. "Edward, this is beautiful...I'll cherish it always..."

He grinned and leaned down, pausing our steps in the process, and kissed me chastely on my cold lips. "You deserve only the best, love."

I kissed him back slowly, twining my fingers into the locks brushing the nape of his neck. We eventually parted and with a uneven smile, he simply stated, "Your turn, love."

Chapter Eleven: Just Like A Tattoo, I'll Always Have You

When Edward said it was my turn to be unrestricted and fanatical, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do. I smiled at him curiously, "Are there any tattoo shops nearby?"

His expression was of shock, but with hints of excitement and anticipation as he slowly nodded, "Yeah...there's Tatu Tattoos and Body Piercings on West North...wanna go?" His voice became husky as he twitched the corners of his lips upward, causing my stomach to light flips.

I nodded, biting the corner of my bottom lip, "Yeah...I always wanted to get something done."

He grinned and nodded some before running his free hand through his hair; the other hand remained clasping mine as we began walking again. "I've been thinking about getting something done too...this is a great idea."

We walked another couple of blocks, leaving West Division and eventually finding West North Avenue. The tattoo shop graced a corner lot and was rather simplistic besides the neon lights glowing red and green in the shop windows. I let out a shaky breath as I led Edward inside and up to the front desk. Small in frame with deeply tan skin, a young man sat at the desk, endlessly sketching with one hand, as the other swept back a strand long black hair behind his ear. He looked up when I cleared my throat nervously. Smiling at us both, his lip ring glistening in the florescent lighting, he put the pencil down and focused his attention on us. "Can I help you?"

Edward grinned politely at him as he rested his hands on my shoulders. "Yes, my wife and I would be interested in getting some tattoos done." I smiled some as I relished the words 'my wife'. It was a lie, yes, but it was the best, sweetest lie I've ever experienced...

Or thoroughly enjoyed, for that matter.

The young man nodded in acknowledgement, "Okay, what were you thinking about doing?"

Without really thinking, I blurted out, "The Claddagh...right, darling? That is what you mentioned this morning, correct?" I turned my gaze up to Edward, waiting for a decision.

Edward grinned at me before returning his eyes to the young man, "Yes, that's what we'd like. Nothing too big and perhaps using black and white ink only. I would like to get mine on my right shoulder blade. M wife wants hers..." He looked back down at me, waiting for me to finish.

"My right hip bone..." The young man smiled and nodded.

"Alright, I can definitely do something small for around fifty each. Normally, we do appointments only, but it being slow, I can take you both now. Are you ready?"

We both nodded. He quickly grabbed some contracts for us to sign. We filled out all the vitals and handed them back, ready to go.

The young man looked them over briefly and grinned, "Cool, my name's Gabe. Follow me and we'll start. Who goes first?"

I nervously raised my hand, "It was my idea, so I'll go first."

After prepping the work area, which consisted of sanitizing, preparing the tattoo gun, and selecting the best Tenacious D CD to play, Gabe patted the chaise, silently beckoning me to sit, and with a chuckle told me to "lose the jeans".

Thank god the panties I chose to wear that day were fairly appropriate and that Gabe seemed like a gentleman. I handed Edward my folded up jeans and took my spot on the chaise. I pulled the right side of my panties down to expose my hip bone a little better. Gabe put the trace paper on my hip and began step one. Edward and chatted nonchalantly about each other's classes as we waited for the tracing to be done. Finally, Gabe let out a sign in conclusion, "Well, we are set."

With this being said, Edward sat on the stool next to me and took my hand in his to comfort me whenever needed. I looked up into his eyes, hypnotized by the sea green, as the first needle stung my skin. I moaned out slightly, gripping Edward's hand tighter. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "You are doing beautifully, love."

I smiled at him, mouthing a 'thank you' before focusing my attention on Gabe's progress. As time went by, I became comfortable with the pain, except when Gabe did any shading. That hurt like a bitch.

It was all worth it though whenever Edward would soothe me with a gently kiss on the hand that he was holding. As the tattoo took shape, I became more excited. I couldn't wait to see it all finished.

Gabe finished mine about forty-five minutes later and after getting an excellent appraisal from both myself and Edward, he bandaged me up and began on 'my husband's'. Shamefully, I caught myself blushing as Edward pulled his black fit forming t-shirt off and handed it to me.

He took the whole experience with the needles in stride; like a total pro. I watched in awe as Gabe went through the exact steps of my own tattoo; fascinated. I couldn't believe Edward wanted to experience this with me and the fact that he picked the exact design surprised me too.

It also made me incredibly hot.

Gabe finished in record time. This time, I went against Edward's wishes and paid. This was my treat; a gift for him to enjoy. I felt an incredible high as we left the shop and walked back to Edward's bike. It was now dusk and the breeze that surrounded us was significantly cooler than it was this afternoon. I cuddled closer into Edward's side as we walked.

For a moment, it was like we were a normal couple; like we were jointly known as the Cullens, by government and God himself. We could be seen by the people walking past us as that ideal married couple; simply getting away from their townhouse in Oakwood for a rare date. We could be on our way back to that townhouse where we would tuck little E.J. Cullen in bed before continuing our date with wine, soft music, and intense lovemaking...perfection.

However, this wasn't the case. We were still illicit lovers with a lot of bridges to burn and walls to break down before reaching anything compared to that illusion. As I thought about this, I could have sworn my heart broke just a little. Did Edward want this as much as I do?

We reached the bike as the wind grew colder. Before I could get on the bike, Edward spun me around, tilting his face down toward mine allowing them to brush against them as he spoke softly, "I want to see it first."

I watched silently as he unbuttoned and zipped my jeans. He looked to see if anyone was coming in either direction before getting on his knees to pull the right side down along with my panties to reveal the bandage, careful not to expose me too much. Cautiously, he pulled the bandage off and sucked in his breath as he stared lovingly at our mutual symbol.

"Exquisite...and all mine," he murmured as he pressed his cool lips gently to the heated patch of skin, lingering there longer than I expected.

"Mmm...Edward...we should go back to your place...continue this there...after I call Alice to let her know I'm not coming home again tonight, of course...if that's okay with you?" I moaned quietly as I brushed back his hair.

I heard him snicker, "Hmm, I think that would be wonderful idea. Let's go." He kissed the spot once more before putting the bandage back on and zipping up my jeans with his nimble fingers. He helped me with my helmet before we both got on the bike. Firing up the engine, Edward pressed the gas and we flew forward into the dark abyss of the night.


	11. Just Like A Tattoo, I'll Always Have You

Chapter Eleven: Just Like A Tattoo, I'll Always Have You

When Edward said it was my turn to be unrestricted and fanatical, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do. I smiled at him curiously, "Are there any tattoo shops nearby?"

His expression was of shock, but with hints of excitement and anticipation as he slowly nodded, "Yeah...there's Tatu Tattoos and Body Piercings on West North...wanna go?" His voice became husky as he twitched the corners of his lips upward, causing my stomach to light flips.

I nodded, biting the corner of my bottom lip, "Yeah...I always wanted to get something done."

He grinned and nodded some before running his free hand through his hair; the other hand remained clasping mine as we began walking again. "I've been thinking about getting something done too...this is a great idea."

We walked another couple of blocks, leaving West Division and eventually finding West North Avenue. The tattoo shop graced a corner lot and was rather simplistic besides the neon lights glowing red and green in the shop windows. I let out a shaky breath as I led Edward inside and up to the front desk. Small in frame with deeply tan skin, a young man sat at the desk, endlessly sketching with one hand, as the other swept back a strand long black hair behind his ear. He looked up when I cleared my throat nervously. Smiling at us both, his lip ring glistening in the florescent lighting, he put the pencil down and focused his attention on us. "Can I help you?"

Edward grinned politely at him as he rested his hands on my shoulders. "Yes, my wife and I would be interested in getting some tattoos done." I smiled some as I relished the words 'my wife'. It was a lie, yes, but it was the best, sweetest lie I've ever experienced...

Or thoroughly enjoyed, for that matter.

The young man nodded in acknowledgement, "Okay, what were you thinking about doing?"

Without really thinking, I blurted out, "The Claddagh...right, darling? That is what you mentioned this morning, correct?" I turned my gaze up to Edward, waiting for a decision.

Edward grinned at me before returning his eyes to the young man, "Yes, that's what we'd like. Nothing too big and perhaps using black and white ink only. I would like to get mine on my right shoulder blade. M wife wants hers..." He looked back down at me, waiting for me to finish.

"My right hip bone..." The young man smiled and nodded.

"Alright, I can definitely do something small for around fifty each. Normally, we do appointments only, but it being slow, I can take you both now. Are you ready?"

We both nodded. He quickly grabbed some contracts for us to sign. We filled out all the vitals and handed them back, ready to go.

The young man looked them over briefly and grinned, "Cool, my name's Gabe. Follow me and we'll start. Who goes first?"

I nervously raised my hand, "It was my idea, so I'll go first."

After prepping the work area, which consisted of sanitizing, preparing the tattoo gun, and selecting the best Tenacious D CD to play, Gabe patted the chaise, silently beckoning me to sit, and with a chuckle told me to "lose the jeans".

Thank god the panties I chose to wear that day were fairly appropriate and that Gabe seemed like a gentleman. I handed Edward my folded up jeans and took my spot on the chaise. I pulled the right side of my panties down to expose my hip bone a little better. Gabe put the trace paper on my hip and began step one. Edward and chatted nonchalantly about each other's classes as we waited for the tracing to be done. Finally, Gabe let out a sign in conclusion, "Well, we are set."

With this being said, Edward sat on the stool next to me and took my hand in his to comfort me whenever needed. I looked up into his eyes, hypnotized by the sea green, as the first needle stung my skin. I moaned out slightly, gripping Edward's hand tighter. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "You are doing beautifully, love."

I smiled at him, mouthing a 'thank you' before focusing my attention on Gabe's progress. As time went by, I became comfortable with the pain, except when Gabe did any shading. That hurt like a bitch.

It was all worth it though whenever Edward would soothe me with a gently kiss on the hand that he was holding. As the tattoo took shape, I became more excited. I couldn't wait to see it all finished.

Gabe finished mine about forty-five minutes later and after getting an excellent appraisal from both myself and Edward, he bandaged me up and began on 'my husband's'. Shamefully, I caught myself blushing as Edward pulled his black fit forming t-shirt off and handed it to me.

He took the whole experience with the needles in stride; like a total pro. I watched in awe as Gabe went through the exact steps of my own tattoo; fascinated. I couldn't believe Edward wanted to experience this with me and the fact that he picked the exact design surprised me too.

It also made me incredibly hot.

Gabe finished in record time. This time, I went against Edward's wishes and paid. This was my treat; a gift for him to enjoy. I felt an incredible high as we left the shop and walked back to Edward's bike. It was now dusk and the breeze that surrounded us was significantly cooler than it was this afternoon. I cuddled closer into Edward's side as we walked.

For a moment, it was like we were a normal couple; like we were jointly known as the Cullens, by government and God himself. We could be seen by the people walking past us as that ideal married couple; simply getting away from their townhouse in Oakwood for a rare date. We could be on our way back to that townhouse where we would tuck little E.J. Cullen in bed before continuing our date with wine, soft music, and intense lovemaking...perfection.

However, this wasn't the case. We were still illicit lovers with a lot of bridges to burn and walls to break down before reaching anything compared to that illusion. As I thought about this, I could have sworn my heart broke just a little. Did Edward want this as much as I do?

We reached the bike as the wind grew colder. Before I could get on the bike, Edward spun me around, tilting his face down toward mine allowing them to brush against them as he spoke softly, "I want to see it first."

I watched silently as he unbuttoned and zipped my jeans. He looked to see if anyone was coming in either direction before getting on his knees to pull the right side down along with my panties to reveal the bandage, careful not to expose me too much. Cautiously, he pulled the bandage off and sucked in his breath as he stared lovingly at our mutual symbol.

"Exquisite...and all mine," he murmured as he pressed his cool lips gently to the heated patch of skin, lingering there longer than I expected.

"Mmm...Edward...we should go back to your place...continue this there...after I call Alice to let her know I'm not coming home again tonight, of course...if that's okay with you?" I moaned quietly as I brushed back his hair.

I heard him snicker, "Hmm, I think that would be wonderful idea. Let's go." He kissed the spot once more before putting the bandage back on and zipping up my jeans with his nimble fingers. He helped me with my helmet before we both got on the bike. Firing up the engine, Edward pressed the gas and we flew forward into the dark abyss of the night.


	12. Not As We

Chapter Twelve: Not As We

Revised: April 26, 2009

--------Four Months Later-------April 2006--------BPOV

It was Friday afternoon, around 12:30, to be precise. I was sitting at the foot of a foreign bed in a foreign room at the Four Seasons Ritz-Carlton, zipping up the back of the simple black Vera Wang dress. It was my lunch break in between my music composition and advanced music production classes. Edward's residency group had been dismissed early and being that we hadn't seen each other in over a week, he took the liberty of setting up this 'quickie'.

In other words, we were still sneaking around. I was still waiting.

And yes, it was heartbreaking and frustrating.

Edward and I continued to plan the future without taking the slightest hint of a baby step. Whenever I'd ask him when he was going to tell Tanya, he'd assure me with one of his breath-taking kisses or gentle caresses before whispering, "Soon."

"Soon" was proving to be an awful long time.

My thoughts continued to prattle through my head as I felt Edward's soft lips brush the nape of my neck again; his arms snaking around me as his hands caressed up my stomach to my breasts.

"Mmm...where are you going, baby?" He murmured in between kisses to my collarbone.

I moaned, reluctant to leave now, as his lanky fingers massaged and pinched my nipples through the thin fabric of the dress. I reached back to weave my fingers through his soft hair, not wanting him to stop.

"Mm...I have class in an hour, Edward....If I miss again, Professor Banner is going to kill me...."

He chuckled as he began unzipping the dress again, "Well....I can always excuse you from class, you know....Doctor's orders...."

His fingertips stroked my bare backside once more; leaving me shivering in their wake. His lips continued to explore my shoulders and neck as his hands made their way back up my spine. Once he reached my shoulders, he began to pull the straps of my dress down; attempting to undress me once more. As much as I wanted to, I stopped him. "Edward, baby, I have to go..."

He sighed, clearly disappointed, as I stood up to pull on my heels and grab my backpack. I leaned forward to press his lips to my own. Pulling away, I whispered, "When will I see you again?"

He rested his hand on my hip, rubbing it with his thumb, "Well...it can't be until late next week. Tanya's sisters are coming in from New York and she needs me to be on best behavior. Her parents are planning this big dinner party at the Cicero; tons of stiff businessmen talking medicine. Should be a blast."

I sighed, nodding in disappointment, before placing my hand on top of his to halt his massage. "Edward, have you thought about what we talked about last time I saw you? About Tanya?"

His hand slipped out from under mine. He lifted it up to sweep through his messy bed head before clearing his throat. "Bella...I need you to remain patient...I said I'd do it soon,"

I leaned against the chest of drawers behind me; wrapping my arms around myself as if to hold in all the anger and dissatisfaction. I shook my head before looking down at the floor between us.

"Edward...I don't think I can keep being the other woman for much longer. I'm living a lie and its wearing me thin. I hate keeping us a secret. Alice has been asking me questions. Hell, my own father keeps asking me who the 'lucky fellow' is. I need answers..."

I heard the bed frame sigh as he stood up and walked over to me, easing a finger underneath my chin. My eyes locked with his conflicted ones. A silence fell over us as he continued to think. Finally, the spell was broken.

"I'll tell her. I'll tell her this weekend, Bella. I don't want you to lose you."

My eyes fluttered some in shock. I wasn't expecting him to readily decide to do it after months of constant asking. "Edward....really? This weekend?"

"Yes."

I leaned forward to kiss him with as much emotion as possible. I wanted to cry, jump, and praise the lord for this blessing. I wanted to look right into Edward's eyes and finally say those three words I've been dying to say since we first made love...I love you...

But I didn't, not just yet.

After this weekend, I could.


	13. The Day The World Went Away

Chapter Thirteen: The Day The World Went Away

Revised: April 26, 2009

-------One and a half weeks later--------

It was Sunday afternoon and I was working a double at Macy's instead of moping around the loft, pretending that everything was peachy keen. It has been about a week and a half since I last saw Edward at the Ritz-Carlton; one and a half weeks of waiting for this twisted lie to come to an end. All day Saturday, I found myself locked away in the school production studio, listening to my old Rolling Stones' vinyl on repeated loop over the surround speakers as I pondered if Edward was ending it at that very moment.

I was beginning to think I was becoming a bunny boiler.

It was a slow day in my department, oddly enough. After spending most of the afternoon organizing inventory, I moved on to my essay for my Producing Music with Logic class. As I began going into detail about a recent experience I had with my latest recording project, Mr. Clapp, the general manager on Sundays, came up to my counter. He smiled warmly at me before clearing his throat.

"Bella, I know that you have limited experience in the jewelry department, but I have a young couple interested in finding a suitable engagement ring. Angela is out sick today and we are so short staffed. If Rosalie could cover your..."

I looked down at my watch, noting that Rosalie would be starting her shift within the next five minutes, before nodding with a smile. "Sure, it's kind of dead around here anyway."

I closed my books and set them aside before following Mr. Clapp down to the first floor where the jewelry department was located. Maybe a change in scenery will keep my mind off Edward and the aftermath of the delusional 'Tanyward' dynasty.

Mr. Clapp led me behind the counter and to the front. With their backs to the counter, I could catch snippets of a one sided conversation with the lucky man, I'll call him 'Doormat' for now. From what I gathered, the strawberry blonde female was disgusted with our selection and wished she had taken her mother's advice and went to Tiffany's on the Magnificent Mile instead. With a quick appraisal of her beige Burberry pea coat, her brown Prada clutch, to her Dior shades resting on the counter; I labeled her with 95% accuracy. She was one of those rare breeds of Chicago: pristine bitch. Sure, there were a few that lurked about Saks and Tiffany's, but not of this magnitude. Fabulous. I was witnessing a Bigfoot sighting and totally couldn't document this relic. Alice would never believe this happened.

My eyes met her hazel ones and I felt as if I was going to be sick.

Pristine Bitch was Leatherface. Leatherface was Tanya.

Then, if that wasn't a blow, Doormat turned around. His hair blown about due to the winds coming in from the north lakefront. His hair was bronze, I couldn't believe I didn't notice this before.

Doormat was Edward.


	14. Vulnerable

Chapter Fourteen: Vulnerable

Revised: April 26, 2009

Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down on you? Like the glass house you build around you in effort to protect yourself from the world around you as you observed just cracked one day and finally crashed; glass splintering all around you as you watch every dream disappear in a matter of seconds?

Have you ever felt as if your lungs just collapsed inside you; leaving you gasping for a sliver of air?

Like your heart just gave up beating in defeat? Like your very existence expired with one word or one fleeting image?

I can now say that I have felt all this in one stalwart tidal wave.

My head began to fog over as I forced myself to pull my eyes away from his panicked green ones. I looked directly at Tanya and prepared myself for the most painful action imaginable: selling an engagement ring to the very woman that I competed with for months now.

"C-can I help you?" I stuttered out, trying to control my emotions. I felt Edward's gaze burn into my profile.

Tanya, who was texting on her T-mobile sidekick, held up a manicured finger; silently directing me to be quiet.

God, I hate this bitch.

She closed it and became attentive, but with very little interest. "Yeah....Beth....my fiancé is looking to buy me a mediocre engagement ring. Your department seems to be appropriate enough for such a plight."

I looked at Edward, disgusted by his method of 'taking care of Tanya', before focusing back on Tanya. I forced a smile, "My name is actually Bella. I think I might have something nice and far from mediocre for you..."

She rolled her eyes, "Sure, sure...Beth...lead the way."

I didn't feel like correcting her again. The only feeling I was passionate about was involving my fist and Edward's Greek statuesque face. I led them both down to the end of the counter, pulling out trays upon trays of engagement rings all ranging in clarity and beauty. Engagement rings that I would catch myself looking at with such envy. She looked over every one like an appraiser rather than a blushing bride-to-be, shaking her head in disgust.

"Edward, these are absolutely dreadful. What will my friends Victoria and Jane say if they saw me wearing any one of these shoddy rings? I will be the laughing stock of Edgewater Country Club."

Edward's eyes remained downcast, too cowardly to look me in the face, "Tayna...it was your idea to come here...we could have went to Saks..."

She groaned as she set down yet another rejected ring, lightly slapping her palms down on the glass countertop. "This is just awful. I can't believe you had the nerve to propose to me Saturday night in front of all those people without a ring."

I peeked through my lashes to see Edward's jaw clench. She sighed before shaking her head once more. "I need to go to the powder room." Leaving all the rings tossed about the counter for me to clean off, she stormed down the aisle to the nearest bathrooms. With shaking hands, I began cleaning up.

"Bella...I didn't...."

I shook my head irately, "Don't....just...shut up, Cullen."

He leaned forward on the glass, just like he did the day he came to my counter to see me. "Isabella, you will allow me to explain."

I slammed the ring trays down hard on the shelves of the display cases before standing straight up to glare deep into those eyes that I loved. Hating him was painfully hard, but what else could I do?

"I will do no such thing! I don't owe you the common courtesy!" Not caring who paid witness to our feud, I reached out and jabbed him in the center of his chest. "YOU promised. YOU promised me that this was going to end so we can move on, but instead you go and propose to her."

Before Edward could counter, Tanya was back at his side. "Very well, let's go to Saks and pray that their selection is more expansive." Tanya looked at me and faked a grin.

"Beth, thank you for your attempts. I'll be sure to write your superior an adequate review on your customer service..." She paused, her eyes focusing on my hand...the same hand that held the very ring Edward bought me at Wicker Park nearly three months ago. Reaching down with her index finger, she traced its band. I fought the urge to pull away.

"What an intricate design...Edward, darling, look at this. That is EXACTLY what I desire. Where did you get this?"

My eyes left her finger and met Edward's face, "An old acquaintance gave it to me. We had a bit of a falling out...I plan to send it back to him soon."

I watched as pain, matching my own, washed over Edward's face. It took everything I had not to take it all back; to reach over and pull him close to my body. Tayna's face reconnected with mine, her left brow arched.

"Tisk, tisk what a shame, here..." She thumbed a cream business card out of her wallet, handing it to me. "If you decide to get rid of it, give me a call. I'd compensate you graciously if you decide to sell it."

I looked down at the card, feeling tears starting to creep onto the brims of my eyes:

_**Tanya L. Denali-Cullen**_

Silver Room Fashion Magazine - Co-Editor

Home: (773)278-9403

Work: (773) 278-7131

Cell: (773) 278-8251

I stared down at the card as I heard their heels click against the marble floors; one pair lingering. This was real. It was happening. She had new business cards made up, for Christ's sake. I didn't look up to see if he was still there, watching from a distance, as I ran down the corridor to the restroom. I gasped and sobbed as I ran into the closest stall; locking it before sliding down to the floor. I allowed a single moan of anguish to leave my body before dropping my face into my cupped hands.

How could he break me like this? I adored him, damn it. I lied to everyone I loved just to keep our secret safe. He had me right where he wanted me and when I least expected it, he clipped my wings.

I was no longer the captor; but the captured.

_Be my dirty little secret, Bella..._

I covered my ears, shaking my head in attempt to remove the memories...then a dark cloud rolled in...eclipsing Edward...

_You are tainted now, Bella. Filthy. An absolute waste, really..._

The tears began to fall rapidly as my past, left back in the corners of my mind, left back in Forks, Washington, began to replay.

I curled up into a tighter ball as I remembered the pain. The cold damp grass against my bruised skin. His laughter...

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I could tell by the clicking Milano Blanicks and the timid voice that it was Rosalie.

Standing up, shaking, I opened the door. She gasped as she noticed my appearance, "Bella? What happened?"

I breathed in and quietly allowed myself to begin the confession. "I....I've been seeing Emmett's brother....I'm....." My chest tightened painfully as I gasped for air between choked sobs.

"Oh Rose.....I'm so in love with him....and now it's.....it's too late!"

I looked at Rosalie through the clumps of wet mascara and waited for her to react sourly. I was shocked to feel her pull me to her body tightly.

I felt her shake her head, "Bells....oh, Bells....I knew that something was happening...I told Emmett that something wasn't right...."

My sobs drowned out the rest of her thoughts. I buried my face into her shoulder as she rubbed my back motherly.

I was broken. Damaged goods.

Absolutely vulnerable.


	15. Hate I Really Don't Like You

Chapter Fifteen: Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

Revised: April 26, 2009

I left Macy's around 8 o'clock that night, still crushed. Rosalie offered me a ride with Emmett and her, but I decided to just take the train home. I needed time to think. To mentally sketch out my next plan. Riding the El in silence as I watched the lights of State street fade in the distance, I decided my fate.

I entered our loft to find Alice on the phone, looking austere as she looked over a cream colored card in her hands. I began walking to my room, hearing her in the background.

"Jazz, she just walked in. I'm going to talk to her right now. Love you..."

I found a medium sized box in our hall closet, empty and ready to use. As soon as I stepped into my room, I tossed the box onto my bed and began the painful process of removing Edward Cullen from my life. I grabbed the black Vera Wang dress from my closet, a Christmas present from Edward, and tossed it in the box along with the half-empty Prada Intense perfume, various pieces of Victoria Secret lingerie, a couple of his Rolling Stone t-shirts he gave me, some mix CDs, and lastly the small black velvet box that contained my promise ring. A promise broken, indeed.

I picked up the box and began to make my way out of my room; coming in contact with Alice. The stern look on her face and her hands on her hips made me realize that she meant business. I knew then that Jasper found out about Edward and I. Now she knew and I was going to have to 'fess up.

Alice took the box from me and set it down on a nearby dresser. With a formidable look, she raised her hand, still holding the cream colored card, one lithe finger pointing to my bed. "Sit. Now."

I knew better than to cross Alice, so I complied with the demand, dreading what was about to happen. She looked briefly into the box, picking up Edward's Rolling Stone 'Tongue' t-shirt. She looked at it before holding it up for me to see. She knew it was his, there was no doubt about it. It was one of his favorite t-shirts to wear to gigs and band practice.

"My suspicions are confirmed, then." She dropped the shirt back into the box, her eyes never leaving mine. "Bella...what the hell are you doing?"

My voice caught in my throat as I tried to find the words in which to respond. After what seemed like an perpetuity, I gave up and shook my head in defeat. "I don't know anymore...but I'm going to end it."

Alice marched over to me and handed me the cream colored card she had been holding this entire time. I looked at it, eventually closing my eyes in effort to keep from getting nauseous and to keep from crying again. It was just another confirmation of Edward's broken promise.

To everything there is a season  
a time and a purpose  
Tanya Lisette Denali  
and  
Edward Anthony Cullen  
invite you to share with them  
a day of happy beginnings  
when they will be united in marriage  
on Saturday, the twenty-third of April  
two thousand and six  
at four o'clock  
The Holy Name Cathedral  
Chicago, Illinois

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I read over again. I shook my head brokenly

before handing the invitation back to Alice. "It doesn't matter anymore anyway..."

Alice looked at me in hesitation as bit my bottom lip to keep my pain from showing. She sighed heavily before sitting down beside me, taking my hand into hers. "Bella...Jasper saw you two together. After the last show they played...the one at The Funk..."

I thought back to that night. It was nearly one month ago and I, to Alice's surprise, asked to go along to the show. Edward had met me backstage afterward...

_FLASHBACK_

_He looked so good that night in his Diesel jeans and form fitting AC/DC shirt. I was wearing my black summer dress and red cashmere cardigan with matching Mary Jane heels. My hair cascaded down the curve of my back. He had asked me to meet him backstage after his set and I didn't hesitate when I agreed._

_As soon as he exited the stage and put his guitar away, he took me by the hand and lead me down the dark hallway away from the dressing rooms. Without delay, he hoisted me up onto a nearby guitar amp. As he kissed my throat and heaving cleavage, his hand made its way up my dress and between my legs. I felt him gasp against my collarbone as he quickly realized that I wasn't wearing any panties and that I was ready for him. Three of his soft, warm fingers slid inside me with such ease and it took everything I had not to moan as he began to pump them in and out; slow then fast. I moved my hips against his hand as our lips connected; a desperate attempt at silencing our sounds of pleasure._

_End Flashback_

I remembered how I could have sworn I heard footsteps halt to a stop close by that night, but Edward swore that he didn't hear or see anyone.

It was Jasper that night. He saw us.

I sighed heavily as I rested my face in my hands, "Oh god....Jasper saw us that night...in the hallway..."

Alice didn't respond, not to my realization, at least. "How long, Bella?"

The tears I tried to hold back began to cascade down my reddened cheeks, sore from Chicago wind burn, "About five months..."

She looked at me in shock before standing up and pacing the creaking floorboards of my room. "FIVE months? Bella....Christ! What on earth were you thinking! He's getting married in less than a month for fuck's sake!"

My cries became desperate sobs, "I didn't know! I....Fuck!" I kicked the night table by my bed over, causing my alarm clock, books, photos, and bed lamp to crash violently onto the floor. Alice looked at me in shock as tugged at my curls in frustration.

"H-he promised me....he promised that he'd....." I shook my head vehemently as the sobs raked my body. "He was going to end it.....he said he wanted me....god.....I'm such a screw-up!" The tears blinded me; making it impossible to see Alice kneel beside me, wrapping her arms tight around my trembling frame.

"You are not a screw-up, Bella Swan. I don't want you to ever utter those words in my presence again..."

She allowed me to cry in her arms until there was nothing left. When I finally fell silent, she pulled away to stroke my hair out of my face. "Bella...what are you going to do?"

My eyes remained focused on the box setting on my dresser across the room. Filled with memories of a time that was carefree and intense all at the same time. I took in a deep breath,

"I'm going to say goodbye."

------------Later that night------------

I knocked on Edward Cullen's door for the last time and waited; holding the box with one arm as it rested on my hip. I didn't bother looking him in the face in fear of breaking down again in front of him as I slammed the box against his chest.

"There. That should be all of it."

I quickly turned on my heel and began to walk rapidly down the hall to the elevator; ignoring the sound of the box dropping on the hall's marble flooring or the sounds of his charcoal black Calvin Klein shoes (the ones that I helped him pick out weeks prior) clicking, matching my pace. I reached the elevator and began to hit the down button frantically until I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist. I spun around and tried to push him away; his grip only getting tighter.

I beat my fists against his stone hard chest, "Let me go! Please! Just let me go!"

He tried pulling me to his chest, but came to an abrupt halt as my palm connected with his cheek. Tears flowed freely down my face, blinding me to his pain.

"Fuck you! FUCK YOU! You are nothing more than a coward, Edward! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AS MUCH AS I HATE MYSELF! YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WHORE!"

Without warning, Edward took my face in between his hands, crushing my lips against his. In between the frantic kisses he was placing on my lips, he whispered, "You are not a whore...please...Bella...hate me....loathe me....but don't you dare hate yourself....at least let me explain....please, darling...."

I felt my knees give out. Instead of allowing me to fall, Edward cradled me as he led us both down onto the floor. He rocked me gently as I buried my face into his crisp white dress shirt, staining it with mascara and black eyeliner. My body shook as I wailed and sobbed against my will. The elevator doors opened, chiming its arrival.

I remained on the floor with him, paralyzed.


	16. Back To Me

Chapter Sixteen: Back To Me

Revised: April 26, 2009

I couldn't comprehend how long we sat on the cold marble floor; his arms wrapped around me as I sobbed into his chest. His lips would kiss my hairline with care as my body trembled against him. I didn't protest as he picked me up and carried me down the hall to his apartment.

His living room was dimly lit by a few candles scattered about on his coffee table, painting near perfect scene to confront him. He sat me down on the nearby chaise and attempted to take my hands into his. With as much emotional strength as possible, I pushed his away. "No...don't, Edward."

He looked at me with deep remorse, "Bella....you must understand..."

My eyes burned deep into his vibrant green ones, the same ones that I fell in love with, but that love that I used to feel for him had become sour. "I do not have to understand anything, Cullen. Do you know how cheap you make me feel? How much of a slut I felt like as I waited on Tanya, YOUR fiancé? Do you realize how fucking painful that was for me? You made me a promise, Edward Cullen. Granted that promise was only brought up whenever you fucked me..."

His eyes caught on fire with my words; his face taunt and livid. "Are you implying that I didn't mean a word that I said to you since day one?"

I refused to look in his eyes; focusing my gaze away from his and to the door, planning my escape. "Yeah...I guess so....you can't deny it. All those pretty words...but life is certainly no story book, is it?" At least not for the mistress...the common whore..."

He grabbed me by the shoulders; his grip firm but not painful. His intense eyes glowed in the flickers of the candle light. "Damn it, you are not a whore. You are not a mistress..."

I jerked out of his grip and stood up, "Please, spare me your pity. If I'm not a whore or your cheap thrill, then what the hell am I?! I'm trash! I am nothing more than your used goods! I was your plaything; something to abuse!" I didn't feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I pounded my small fist into the center of my chest; letting Edward feel the wrath of every emotion that I bottled up because of him and someone else that haunted my memory each day of my life. I kept hitting myself in the in that sore spot as I continued to cry out.

"You both destroyed me! I am nothing more than garbage to you! YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF. I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR! I CAN'T STAND TO BREATH! I HATE MYSELF! I'M NO GOOD! NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM AND CERTAINLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

Edward's hands grabbed my shoulders once more, shaking me, "Damn it! Bella! LISTEN TO ME! I'm sorry! Her fucking father is the one that got me in this mess! Fuck, Bella, I was going to end it! I was going to end it after the dinner party Saturday! I swear! Bella, her father announced that we were engaged! She told him that I fucking proposed! Then when I tried to break it off with her, she threatened me...she threatened us, Bella..."

I blinked a few tears out of my sight, "W-what?"

Edward looked at me sadly before continuing, "She threatened that if I didn't carry through with her wishes, she would make sure my father was terminated and I would never receive my license to practice....then she brought you up..."

"Bella, she knows. Her friend, Victoria, saw us checking out together at the Ritz last week. Victoria informed her and Tanya threatened to not only get you fired from Macy's, but she also threatened to have your financial aid revoked at Columbia...she has the proper connections to master both."

I shook my head, trying to let it all sink in. "Edward..."

He looked down when tears began to well up in his own eyes, " Bella....it killed me to see the pain in your face at Macy's and just now...I wanted more than anything for you to be the one. I wanted it to be you at the dinner party Saturday rather than Tanya. I wanted it to be you and I picking out china and invitations together. I wanted it to be you at the jewelry counter, not as the salesgirl but the blushing bride-to-be, trying on engagement rings that could never match your own splendor. Bella...I want more than anything for it to be you at the alter...I love you...

My breath caught in my throat as I heard the very words that I've wanted to hear for so long. He loves me. It was the first time he even uttered the words. I wanted to respond, but all I can manage was a simple, "I..."

A few tears slipped down his eyes and his hands reached down for my trembling hands. "Say it."

I broke my gaze from his to stare down the floor to hide my tears. I shook my head as I tried to comprehend the very thought of us continuing this torrid affair.

"Out loud," he demanded.

I took in another deep breath...in effort to keep from doing something irrational.

"Say it..."

I finally got the nerve to look back up into his eyes, still full of tears. I breathed in again before responding, "I love you too."

He let out his breath as his lips descended down on my shivering ones. They moved carefully down my neck as his hands tore at the front of my blouse. Once the blouse was undone, he tossed it by the door. He began to strip the rest of my clothing off slowly as I watched him pay careful attention to my body and its every need.

He led me back to the chaise, laying me down. He kissed my lips slowly, his hands trailing down my sides with ghostly pressure. His kisses slowly trailed down my neck to my breasts; his warm tongue circling my taunt nipples before kissing them lovingly. His hands massaged my thighs and hips as he moved down to my stomach, kissing it ever so gently in various places.

"Oh Bella...if you could only see what I see when I look at you. You...you are so breathtaking..." He looked up into my eyes as he allowed one hand to leave my hip to only caress my stomach slowly before placing more warm open mouth kisses around my navel. "From the moment I talked to you, Bella, I imagined a life with you. I imagined us, living in a small, modest house. I imagined us sharing a life together. I imagined me coming home to you; making love to you; starting a family with you..." His eyes looked back down to my flat stomach before affectionately stroking it. "I can't live in a world where you don't exist, Bella. Please..." He buried his face into my flesh and I began to feel his hot tears cascade over my hip bone.

I felt my own tears escape once more as I stroked his hair gently, "Oh Edward, what are we going to do?"

He pulled away only to lean down and press his lips under my navel tenderly, "I will think of something...Bella...I swear on everything that I cherish...I will get out of this mess."

I sniffled inaudibly before tugging his hair softly in effort for him to move his attention up my body. He obliged and was face to face with me in seconds; stroking strands of my hair from my wet, tear-stained cheeks. I sat up on my elbows, pressing my naked chest to his cotton one, and placed a loving kiss on his swollen lips.

"I love you, Edward...I love you so much..."

I felt his breath hitch slightly as he broke the kiss, but his lips remained close to mine, brushing lightly as he responded in a husky voice.

"I love you, Bella Swan."

My shaking hands trailed up his chest to the collar of his shirt; fingers hooking in between the knots of his black silk tie in effort to loosen its hold around his neck. I peppered many soft, lingering kisses to his lips as I continued to tug the tie loose, relieved when it finally let down its defenses. I slid the tie off his neck and tossed it on the floor. I began slowly undoing the first three buttons of the shirt as I rotated my hips against his abdomen; my damp panty-clad core rubbing leisurely against him. He released a groan; closing his eyes as his lips parted. I felt his hands slowly slide back down my sides; each calloused fingertip tracing each of my ribs. I mewled as I felt his thumbs slide under each side of my thong's waistband.

I leaned into him again; kissing his supple lips once more, before whispering against his lips, "Make love to me."

His eyes, hooded with lust, gazed deep into my own for what felt like an eternity before he nodded. Wasting no time, his fingers curled around the waistband of my panties and ushered my hips upward so he could pull them down my legs; his eyes never leaving mine. Once the offending garment was discarded, I felt his lips against the palm of my left foot. His soft lips and chin with hints of stubble brushed lightly against my ankle as his kisses started trailing upward, eliciting a moan from my parted lips. He sucked lightly on the flesh of my calf, the crevice of my knee, then my inner thigh. His warm, wet tongue darted out to caress my thigh lovingly, slowly moving up my thigh only to stop at the apex between my shivering legs.

"Bella...you're shivering...are you cold?" He whispered against the middle of my thigh in between another kiss. I reached down and brushed my fingers through his hair before nodding.

"Just a little..." I managed with a breathy tone.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, he was up on his feet and I was being carried bridal style in his strong, lean arms to his bedroom. He pulled down the covers before lying me down on "my" side of the bed; tucking me in so I'd stay warm as he undressed. I watched, entranced, as his naked silhouette walked over to the dresser across the room. A moment passed before the music filled the room; tuning my attention closer, I began to recognize the first song.

"_We Can Work It Out_ by The Beatles?" I queried as he crawled into his side of the bed; pulling me flush against his body. I relished the warmth radiating off his skin before leaning in to kiss his Adam's apple. He released an embarrassed laugh.

"Is it too corny?"

I laughed, blushing a deeper shade of red, "No...actually...I love the Beatles. This song is very sexy, you know. Now, it may be overkill if _Let's Hang On_ by Frankie Valli comes on after this song..."

I squeaked and giggled as he attacked my face and neck with his kisses; his nimble fingers tickling my tummy. His actions stopped abruptly as he looked down at me with a look of pure adoration; the candlelight from the nightstands casting dim shadows across his cheekbones.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. It's heartbreaking, really."

I was deemed speechless by the very words and felt the tears welling up in my eyes again. I didn't want this moment to ever end between us and prayed silently that someday, somehow things would work out.

His lips found mine again; starting a slow, sensual dance with my own before becoming more risqué as our desire began to rise again from a deep slumber. His hand, originally cupping my taunt breast, moved down my heaving chest, my stomach, then in between my legs. I moaned into his mouth as two of his fingers began tracing my wet slit before dipping into my entrance. He growled; allowing his tongue to trace my parted lips.

"Bella...god, you are so fucking wet for me...I still have a hard time believing I do this to you."

I looked down the terrain of my perspired body and watched as his hand began to pump in and out at a painfully slow pace. There was something so erotic about watching his fingers work me like that; as if he was tuning his guitar or playing the piano. My view was obstructed when he leaned in to take one of my erect nipples into his mouth. I licked my lips and allowed myself to mewl as he sucked the tender bud; rolling his talented tongue around it before gently biting. His fingers moved faster and harder, arching into a 'J' to successfully hit my g-spot. I gently tugged at his bronze locks as my moans accompanied his muffled panting.

"Mmm...oh, Edward....god...that feels...oh! Oh! Right there! MMM!"

I moved my hips against his hand as he hit my g-spot head on. His lips started moving downward until he was right above my core; his hot breath hitting my wetness.

"Cum, Bella. I want to see you cum in the palm of my hand," He murmured as he leaned down to kiss my clit before flicking the tip of his tongue across it in one swift lick. I cried out as I began to shake, not from being cold, but from being incredibly turned on.

I felt my muscles tense then relax as I let go. He palmed my sex in his hand until he was sure I was done. Kissing my naval lovingly, he waited for me to catch my breath before removing his hand from the spot. I watched as he licked the fingers he pleasured me with moments ago clean before positioning himself over me; his hardness rubbing across my stomach as he leaned in to kiss me.

"Potrei bere per sempre da voi se you' la d lo permette."

He slipped his tongue into my mouth, allowing mine to dance hesitantly with it. I was always hesitant about French kissing; too afraid I'll screw it up. I pulled back some, kissing the tip of his tongue before reaching in between us, leading his erection down to my entrance in a subtle attempt to admit that I wanted, more like needed, more of him.

"What did you just say?" I whispered as I began placing open mouth kisses along his defined jaw line. I heard him chuckle as he leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of my ear as he spoke.

"It's Italian. Mom has family scattered about Italy still and we visit them every so often. It means,' I could drink from you forever, if you'd allow me.'"

I giggled before leaning up to kiss his shoulder, "More?"

I felt him grin against my neck as he planted another kiss, "Ti amo"

"What's that mean?"

I gasped as I felt him enter me slowly. I rotated my hips against his as he began to thrust. He pressed his lips to my ear again, eliciting a groan before murmuring, "I love you..."

I purred as we began to move together at a slightly faster pace. Gently tugging his hair, I led his face up from the crook of my neck so we'd be eye to eye. I pressed my forehead to his, noses touching, before lightly pressing my lips against his own. I didn't kiss them, instead I allowed my lips to brush his as I fought out the words against the tidal wave of passion.

"Mmm...ti amo...ti amo!"

The words flowed between my lips like a chant as I felt his hands slide down my body to grasp my thrusting hips. He sat up on his knees as he lifted my hips upward off the bed; his thrusts getting stronger as he pulled me closer to him so my pelvis would rub against his own. I cupped my breasts in my hands, toying their peaks, as our cries of pleasure began to build.

His right hand trailed closer to my center as he watched me fall apart; his thumb massaging my clit. He leaned back down toward my body, careful not to crush me. Our thrusts became more frantic, but remained in sync as his lips met mine over and over.

We both cried out in ecstasy as we climaxed together; our movements slowing then finally stopping all together. Our lips still remained sealed together long after we came; muffling the last of our moans. Finally, our lips parted, but he remained inside me. My eyes finally became focused again; the white and gold fireworks made of dots were gone. All I could see now is his smile, the beads of sweat above his brow that glowed in the candlelight, and those bright, piercing green eyes. I reached up with my trembling right hand and stroked back his hair as his fingers played with the promise ring on my left hand. I looked over to see its diamond glitter in the Chicago moonlight. I was glad when he insisted that I wear it again.

I didn't notice how close his face was to my own until I felt his bottom lip caress my ear lobe.

"Sposilo… è la mia moglie."

I turned to peer up at him; the tips of our noses touching. "What does that mean?"

He grinned, nuzzling my nose with his own, "You'll know soon enough."

I blushed and nodded, not caring to push the subject further. Whatever it was could wait. The world at this point on had stopped spinning and everything was at a standstill.

Then again, it was like this every time I was with Edward Cullen.

------An Hour Later-----

We were now resting comfortably in his bed; candles lit on each nightstand, their vibrant glow casting across the ocean of midnight blue satin sheets and bathing our naked flesh in the warmth of their light.

Edward's fingertips untangled themselves through my curls before tracing down the spine of my bare back. His eyes didn't leave mine as he pulled me closer to him for another kiss. I kissed him back, allowing my hands to clasp his shoulders. He pulled away slightly, twisting his head down to kiss the leather wristband I had worn for over two years now. I shuddered slightly at the memory of why I had originally bought it. It wasn't for the design, but more so to wear as a shield; a mask to shroud a dark past.

"Bella, what's the matter? Are you cold?" He stopped kissing the skin peeking out from underneath the bracelet.

I looked away from him in effort to hide my shame. I didn't want him to ever find out what exactly brought me to Chicago three years ago.

"Bella..." He reached down to cup my chin so I'd be forced to meet his concerned eyes, "Baby, you are shaking....you look so sad..."

"I-I'm fine...just..."

He looked at me, seemingly debating on what to say, then his voice broke the silence. "Bella, when you were confronting me...you said, "You both destroyed me" and that you "weren't good enough for him". Who were you talking about, sweetheart?"

I looked at him, stunned. I didn't remember saying those things because I was distraught. I felt a couple tears of shame slide down from my eyes.

"No...you'll find me disgusting....you'll hate me..."

His eyes reflected hints of pain and worry as he continued to press the subject, "We need to be honest to one another, Bella. That is the first step to making this work. Tell me...please..."

I fought the demons in my head and tattered heart, thinking about the pros and cons of telling him my story. Finally, I relented.

"I was seventeen-years-old when I met James Abbot. He was a sophomore at Washington U. His dad was an old fishing buddy of my dad's..."

I took a shaky breath as I stared at the leather band longer, "We sort of hit it off at one of his family cook-outs. He taught me how to play tag football and he actually seemed interested in me and my ambitions. He was going to college to be an attorney."

"A week later, he had called me to ask me out to the movie. We went to see a double retro feature at the Skyline Drive-in: _Barefoot in the Park_ and _Breakfast at Tiffany's_. After that and a few other dates, we became exclusive."

I bit my lip to keep from crying as the memory of that one night came crashing through the barriers of my mind.

"H-he was always...pushy....not understanding when I said I wanted to wait...that I wasn't ready...."

I felt Edward's grip tighten around me. I glanced up to see his eyes were burning with tears of rage. I closed my eyes tight as I continued on.

"I-it was late one night during a date when he took me to his dorm one night....his roommate was out of town...we started kissing....and making out. He tried to undress me....I tried to stop him and he got angry. He...h-he....he st-started to b-b-beat me..."

The sobs I tried to hold in broke through as I thought back on the pain. Each blow causing me to cry out in agony. The hands of my lover was now the hands of a monster.

"J-James...ripped my clothing off.....and...he.....oh god...." I couldn't continue to speak about how he stole my virtue. Or how I would receive a blow to the face each time I even whimpered. I couldn't tell Edward about how his white bed sheets were stained my blood and how he called me a "filthy whore" as he surveyed the stains himself.

"H-h-he told me I was...worthless....damaged goods....t-that no man would want a slut like me.....he didn't bot-t-her dr-dressing m-m-me.....he wrapped me in a s-s-heet...and dumped me...in a meadow....near LaPush beach w-w-where some boys from the reservation found me the next day...."

I looked at the bracelet, "Dad thought it'd do me some good to move away from the memories of that night....s-so I came here...my first year...was so painful. I had nightmares every night....saw him everywhere: on the streets, at work, in classes...his memory haunted me until I couldn't take anymore."

For the first time in two years, I untied the straps holding the cuff in place, tugging it off and lying it between our bodies. The vertical scar that ran across each vein in my wrist was freed from its shroud. I allowed Edward to look at the scar, tracing it with his calloused fingertips as I finished.

"Alice was the one that found me....I was lying on the kitchen floor, the butcher knife still in my hand...she called 911...I got to the hospital in enough time to receive stitches and a psychiatric evaluation...she has been painfully overprotective of me ever since..."

Edward's face still hinted anger, but most of all, pain. He shook his head , tears spilling from his eyes. "Oh baby...I'm so sorry...you are not damaged goods....you are perfect...I want to track him down...I want to slowly torture him to death...he deserves the worst death imaginable..."

I cried silently as Edward ranted, "Please...don't....Edward, I don't want to him to ruin this too....not this moment....please..."

I felt Edward's lips press against my cheeks, kissing away the tears. He then tilted his head to the side to kiss the scar. "Bella...no matter happens...remember that you are worth everything...a life without you...without your smile, your laugh, your sparkling eyes, your touch....it would be like not seeing another sunrise."

I leaned forward and kissed his chest as I tried to catch my breath from the confessions. "I love you..." I whispered once I calmed down.

"You are my life now...and forever."


	17. Hanging On Too Long

Chapter Seventeen: Hanging On Too Long

Revised: April 26, 2009

April 9, 2005 (One week Before the wedding/five weeks later)

BPOV

Time passed at a painfully fast pace. The kind of pain one would feel from fresh gunshot wound or the clean snap of a bone. Our night together had become a band aid of the situation we were facing. Weeks afterward, everything remained the same as before. By day, Edward and Tanya remained the ideal couple with the perfect family and perfect life. By night, Edward and I remained furtive lovers with frequent meetings around Chicago's seedier hotel chains in fear of being caught any place in the city, or worse, our living quarters. When these meeting occurred, we lived the illusion that we were holy and devout to only each other. Once the hotel room door closed, we carried on a pure love that fogged over the complication and the approaching wedding.

After that night, I decided to no longer plead with Edward to end things with Tanya. I didn't want to see him throw his future out the window for someone as unworthy as myself. We lived in two separate worlds: his full of social climb and wealth. I was too ordinary; too jaded for the spotlight as the doctor's girlfriend or, better yet, wife. Tanya had that poise and social breeding.

It was exactly one week before the wedding and I was getting ready to leave Edward's apartment after having a quick lunch date. He had just left for a meeting with the priest conducting the ceremony next Saturday. Throughout lunch, he remained quiet and distant; not mentioning anything about breaking things off with Tanya.

I watched him grab his planner and cell phone before coming over to give me a gentle kiss on the forehead. He asked me to lock up when leaving. Without another word, he left.

After filling his dishwasher and tidying up his living room, I was ready to leave. I was almost at the door when a stack of papers on his desk caught my attention. I walked over, scolding myself for snooping, and allowed my eyes to gaze over each item: endless wedding invite responses, a ten page guest list, dinner menus, honeymoon plans (Tanya insisted on the Caribbean), and the expensive wedding announcement that was placed in the life and style section of the April 8th Chicago Tribune. I picked up the newspaper, ignoring some stray documents hidden underneath it that fell to the floor. My eyes glazed over with tears as they met Edward's and Tanya's smiling faces in a photo that was taken two weeks ago. I forced myself to focus on the article:

_Mr. and Mrs. Trevor Denali the third and Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen are pleased to announce the engagement of Tanya Lisette Denali to Edward Anthony Cullen. Tanya Denali is a 2002 graduate of Dartmouth University and is currently the co-editor of Chicago's elite fashion magazine: __Silver Room__. Edward Cullen is a 2001 graduate of Dartmouth University and is currently enrolled in his final semester at Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine and Science. After receiving his __doctorate__ this May, he will begin pursuing Pediatrics at Mount Sinai Medical Center._

_Tanya Denali is the beloved daughter of Trevor Denali the third, chairman of the Liaison Committee of Medical Education, and Veronica Denali, head trustee of Chicago's Columbia College Board of Directors. Edward Cullen is the beloved son of Carlisle Cullen, Mount Sinai Medical Center's Chief of Operations, and Esme Cullen, Editor-in-Chief of __Luxehome__ magazine._

_The wedding party includes maid-of-honor Jane Locke, bridesmaid Lauren Curtis, bridesmaid, Victoria Patterson, bridesmaid Jessica Stanley, best man Emmett Cullen, groomsman Jasper Whitlock, groomsman Laurent Debouis, and groomsman Seth Clearwater._

_A spring wedding is planned at The Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago, Illinois on April 23rd, 2005 at 4 P.M. The happy couple is registered at Tiffany's and Company, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Macy's State Street Department Store. _

I sighed heavily as I read it over once more. How could I ever compete with her? It was simple: I couldn't. Edward's entire life was planned out for him, or so it seemed. My life was scattered and not full of that much purpose. I was going to school on a shoestring budget to work in music. He was doing something meaningful.

I tossed the paper lightly onto the desk's surface before reclaiming the documents that scattered to the floor earlier. I was putting them in order by page number when I happened to catch glimpse of Edward's signature. I paused to look at the documents, guilt-ridden. Through prattles of legal lingo and large dollar figures, I came to the realization that it was an employee contract with Mount Sinai Medical Center. Edward was already asked to join the team before completing the med program.

I sat on the floor in a daze, looking over the papers once more. This was the American Dream. Edward's future in medicine was in place. Soon, he would have the perfect wedding, wife, home, and maybe even children, if Tanya were to change his mind.

I could picture the white picket fences, old red English bricks, the hunter green shutters, and the two strawberry blonde toddlers playing out in the front yard.

I focused, but couldn't see me anywhere in that fantasy. I couldn't see my involvement at all in Edward's life.

I finally realized that this wasn't meant to be; it was a love that was losing the battle of endurance. Edward deserved the very best in life and as much as I hate to realize this, our love needed to end. For his sake. Besides, maybe his reluctance to leave Tanya was simply because he truly did love her.

I set his contract; his new polished life, on the desk with the announcements and plans for the future. With tears glistening in my eyes, I reached for a pen and a piece of stationary and began to scribble. I looked at the letter once more, reading it over carefully:

_Edward - _

_I tried so hard. I'm incredibly sorry...I can't keep living a lie and neither can you. You should be happy and care free. You should be with Tanya. She is better suited in the life you will lead after medical school. _

_Thank you for showing me the way. I finally have an idea of what I need to do now._

_I love you. Take care,_

_-Bella_

I folded the letter in half, writing his name on the front as neatly as possible. I went over to his acoustic and slide the note in between the strings, sure he would find it tonight. Without a second glance, I left Edward's apartment for the last time.

I also left Edward's life.


	18. She's Leaving Home

Chapter Eighteen: She's Leaving Home

Revised: April 26, 2009

EPOV

Tanya and I sat silently in a vacant pew of the empty cathedral waiting for the minister to conduct our final marriage evaluation as per the Catholic tradition. A typical groom-to-be should be focusing on their wedding, especially since this my own was a week away. I should be preoccupied with trivial things such as practicing my vows, picking up my future wife's ring from the jeweler, or crunching numbers on the growing wedding expenses, but I wasn't thinking like a groom.

I was thinking like a prisoner.

I was trapped and my desire to be with my true love was missing in a maze of mixed emotions. As a man, brought up by his parents with the education of ethics and strong Catholic morals, I have sinned. I had fallen from grace by falling in love with a woman, a beautiful woman with a kind soul, that was not my fiancé.

And, the worst sin to commit beyond adultery: the urge to turn my back on this commitment of matrimony.

Since the night Bella stayed with me; Made love with me; confided in me her pain that lingered from her past, I thought about my options. Tanya had us right where she wanted us. Bella's financial aid at stake, my new contract with the hospital at risk along with my father's position. I was afraid that my opportunity to leave her was diminished upon her discovery of my infidelity...

Then, I had a plan.

The plan came after a sleepless night without Bella. I was thinking about my two options:

1) Marrying Tanya and risking a happy life for the stake of social status.

2) Or, leave the path that had began in 2003. Leave the familiar; the safe; the dull and go forth on a new path that held promise even though it wasn't as weathered and beaten as the old one. I could be with my love, il mio cuore rapitore di s, Bella. We could start off slow and normal as we have always desired than move forward into something more.

I laid there in my bed at 3 a.m. staring out at the glowing lights radiating from Wrigley Field and the Red line, as images of something more came into my head. Bella...my lover, my best friend...my wife. I could picture her clear as day, standing at the altar of The Holy Name Cathedral, a thin white veil covering her blushing face as I slip her wedding band on her finger; reciting each vow with sincerity and absolute devotion. I could almost feel her warm lips against mine as I imagined saying goodbye to her each morning as I headed off to work. I could imagine her glowing face as she watched me kneel down to kiss her swollen belly goodbye; her fingers tangled in my locks.

I knew what I had to do.

I was prepared for the consequences. If Bella were to lose her funding to continue at Columbia, I would pay for it all or enroll her elsewhere, if it got dirty. As for my contract with the hospital, I was willing to give it up. There are hospitals all over Chicago and, in fact, the entire country. I would do whatever it takes to see Bella happy.

I drew out a long breath, breaking the awkward silence in the cathedral, before speaking, "Tanya....I can't do this...."

Tanya's head turned to look at me with a cold glare. "Edward...we've discussed this...there will be implications...to both you, your father, Emmett...even _her_..."

My jaw tightened as I stood up, returning her glare with my own. "Feel free to threaten me, Tanya...but don't you dare bring my family or _Bella_ into our problems..."

"Why can't I bring that home wrecking nobody into this? She caused this damage, Edward!" Tanya's voice broke the whisper it once carried. She was now standing up, her face inching closer to mine with each word. I was livid.

I jabbed my finger into her chest without further thought, "She is _not_ a home wreaker nor is she a nobody. Bella is smart, beautiful from the inside out...she has more to offer than you and I adore her." I waved my hand in the error, emphasizing the cathedral, "This was your dream to begin with, Tanya...this was all yours; not mine. Bella is the only thing I want...that I need. I cannot and will not do this...even if it costs me my job...or reputation."

I pushed past her and out of the pew, storming down the aisle and toward the entrance. Her voice followed me as I opened the door, the air of freedom washing over me.

"If it doesn't work out, Edward...and you know it won't, I'll be here Saturday! You WILL marry me. You value your medical license and family members far too much not to!"

I slammed the door behind me and ran over to my panhandle. Revving the engine a few times before hitting the gas and flying forward to my apartment; elated.

I was ready for Bella and I to begin our lives together: as one.

---------Twenty Minutes Later----------

EPOV

The panhead came to a skid as I stopped in my usual parking space a little too abruptly. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was run up to my apartment and tell Bella the news. My Bella. I felt my cheeks flush at the thought as I ran up the stairs; not wanting to wait for the elevator.

I reached my floor, slightly out of breath, but still emotionally high. I unlocked the door of my apartment and charged in.

"Bella!"

I waited for a response: the clicking of her black vintage kitten heels, her sigh, anything. The silence still hung in the air. I walked into the living room and looked around for her, but found that she was gone along with her purse and jacket. As I continued to turn around in the room, looking for her, my eyes glimpsed a folded piece of paper tucked between the strings of my acoustic. I went over and pulled it gently out from under the strings, seeing "Edward" written neatly in Bella's handwriting. I walked over to a nearby chair as I folded it and began to read, feeling a cold sweat break along my hair line.

She was gone. The lying and the sneaking around was unbearable for her and she feared for future....for my happiness...a happiness that relied on her only.

I held the paper in my tight grip. I waited too long to leave Tanya and Bella, my true love, lost hope. My meteor flashed across the black storm clouds; lighting up an empty life with its vibrancy, only to crash somewhere in the far distance.

I crumpled the letter in my fist along with my hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow. I cried. I cried for her. I cried for the future. I cried for the children Bella and I could have had together. Most of all, I cried for myself.

My life, my world...it all came crashing down.


	19. The Empty Room

Chapter Nineteen: The Empty Room

Revised: April 26, 2009

----Saturday, April 23rd, 2006----

BPOV

It has been one week since I exited Edward's world and the pain was more than what I imagined. I was returning to the lifestyle I followed before I met Edward. I studied, throwing all my thoughts of Edward into my classes. I hadn't heard anything from him, which made me wonder whether he was just trying to give me space or if he had found happiness with Tanya. Regardless, I was crushed that he didn't take that effort of communication.

Then again, this was my request.

The hours became days and the pain of a love lost took over my thoughts. I tried to imagine a life without Edward. A life filled with lonely mornings. A life of regret. Ever since I left Edward that letter, I've had nightmares: about being alone, about Edward meeting me on the street...calling me a coward or a bitch for leaving him, but this wasn't the worst part of the nightmare. It was when he morphed into James...my rapist...that I woke up sobbing in the dead of night.

Alone.

Edward was my guardian; my protector of the past. Now that we were broken, I lived in fear. I reverted back to the vulnerable seventeen-year-old girl; violated and betrayed by love.

I was in my bedroom, sitting in the window sill in my black satin pajamas and flimsy black robe, staring down at the street below. I stayed in my room the entire day, watching the clock tick closer to my closure of a life chapter. Closer to Edward's new life.

Three o'clock came quicker that I had hoped. At this point, I was positive. This was my only way out of the pain; of the constant nightmares. My heart was already broken beyond repair. I had to carry through this...

"Bella?" Alice's wind chime like voice broke my thoughts. I turned to see her, standing cautiously in the doorway in the black Vera Wang dress I gave her to wear...the same one Edward gave me and insisted I kept along with my ring that still remained on my finger. Behind her stood a concerned Jasper, looking like a Southern gentleman in his black tux.

"Bella, we are going now...Jasper needs to leave early to help Edwa-"

"Okay, have fun..." I murmured, interrupting her to avoid hearing his name. I closed my eyes tightly, pressing my forehead to the cold window pane.

"Bella...I can totally stay here with you? We can watch some campy 60s horror movies and pig out..." I stopped her with a shake of my head.

"Alice...for the last time...go. I'm fine."

"...okay....but Bells, please...call me if you need something....I...we love you, Bella."

I simply nodded as they both kissed my forehead, leaving my room quietly. When I heard the door of our apartment close, I wiped away some tears I had shed as I watched them leave. Finally, I reached into the pocket of my robe...revealing my salvation from this anguish.

---- 3:50 P.M.----

I finished packing the last box. It was to Charlie, my dad. I surveyed the darkened and near empty room before going over to my desk to make labels for all six boxes:

_**Alice**_

_**- Photos**_

_**- Necklaces**_

_**- The red dress you gave me for my birthday last year**_

_**- Our friendship necklace....I love you with all my heart. This couldn't be prevented.**_

_**Dad**_

**- Mom's wedding ring that you gave me after she died. I never deserved it.**

**- Grandma Swan's quilt**

**- The jewelry box you gave me when I turned ten.**

**- My teddy bear, Mr. Jack. Remember when you won him at the fair for me? I was only five.**

**I love you so much, daddy. Please...forgive me.**

I labeled the two boxes before marking the last four for Goodwill. I stacked the boxes neatly in the corner of my room before walking over to the record player Jasper had refurbished for me as a Christmas gift nearly two years ago. I reached over onto my bed to retrieve the 45 record I laid out to play when the time came. With a pen, I wrote on the plain white center label: _Edward...this doesn't matter anymore._ I adjusted the record player before setting the 45 down on the turntable. I set the needle on the groove before turning up the volume half-way and setting the loop on the arm of the needle so the song would play on repeat. A tear slipped down my face as I took off the ring Edward had given me. I looked at its splendor one last time before sliding it down the anchor holding the record in place in the center as the opening verse began:

_I'm so tired of learning to talk_

Building fences on the wall

In this state, I shall not remain

I went down the hall and into our kitchenette to pour myself a glass of red wine. I looked back down at the bottle of Alprazolam that I had stopped taking since I met Edward. I was happy when I was with him, so I automatically thought I could stop treatment...but I saved them...just in case.

_This don't matter like it did before_

This don't matter much anymore

I opened the bottle of pills and thumbed out the last fifteen I had kept. I looked at them, feeling a sense of closure; relief, tears coming down rapidly now. Without another thought, I began taking all the pills, two at a time with a gulp of wine in between.

_Change my mind or help me to try_

I'm afraid and I'm not satisfied

In this state I shall not remain

_I don't want to go, but if I die young_

Fill my empty room with the sun

Fill my empty room with the sun

By the time I took the last two, I was beginning to feel the effects. I held onto any stable surface I could find with one hand as I walked back to my room; wine sloshing out of my glass and onto the white carpet.

_This don't matter like it did before_

This don't matter much anymore

This don't matter like it did before

This don't matter much anymore

Daylight is not the same

When your stabbing at the stars

In your eyes, and bleeding

Is what you see

My room....grew smaller, darker, and cold as my body cradled itself against the doorway. I watched as the wine glass crash to the floor, red splashing everywhere on the hardwood floor. I tried to make my feet move toward my bed so I can lay down. Half-way there, the room began to spin...my body falling forward toward the floor. Before making contact with the cool floor below me, I felt my head connect with something hard, possibly my night table. The pain was overwhelming at first, but a calming darkness began to flood in to replace it. My body finally met the bottom and I was at peace as the world went black...

_This don't matter like it did before_

This don't matter much anymore

This don't matter like it did before

This don't matter much anymore

This don't matter much anymore


	20. Logic of a Friend

Chapter Twenty: Logic of a Friend

Revised: April 26, 2009

Jasper's POV

Alice and I made it to the church at twenty after three. Alice had requested on the train ride that she remained in the cathedral while I assisted Edward; simply saying that she didn't have the desire to see him or wish him the best. I couldn't deny her this lone request after seeing for myself how broken Bella had become at such an incredible pace. She sank further into her on prison; not eating and barely sleeping. Each day she faded, she became a ghost.

Alice saw this too and I could see the effect it had on her own emotional state. Ever since I met Alice, I've observed the connection that she had with Bella. Bella was her confidant, her best friend, and sister. Bella's pain became her pain.

As Alice's protector, I wasn't about to object and force her to face Edward. In fact, I found it surprising and brave that she even accompanied me to the wedding. As always, my little pixie intrigued and amazed me.

I kissed her lips tenderly, gently cupping her neck with one hand while the other massaged the small of her back. She smiled weakly as I pulled away.

"I'll see you after the service..." I whispered in her ear before turning on my heel and heading to the back of the church where Edward's prep room was located. I knocked firmly on the door and waited until the door swung up, showing a highly frustrated Edward . Emmett, his older brother sat on a nearby table, grinning smugly.

"Uh...am I missing something?" I asked Edward before stepping inside the room, closing the door behind me as I began to pull off the hot tux jacket; tossing it into a chair. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Well...my incompetent dolt of a brother is throwing fuel onto the fire by not following Tanya's directions. She told him not to drive his hummer and to ride in the limo provided...and what does he go and do?"

Emmett groaned, "Oh my god, dude, it's not that serious! I am a grown man...a respected man of the Chicago Law Enforcement. If I wanted to drive a clown car to this funeral, I totally would have...in a clown costume. Seriously, Tanya is such a bitch and needs a good fuc---" I took the initiative and clasped my hand around Emmett's mouth.

"Emmett...you are in the house of the Lord, can you cool it? Besides, you were raised to be a good Catholic boy."

He merely rolled his eyes at my scolding.

I shook my head before removing my hand from his mouth. "Em...would it be cool to break up this sentimental moment between you and your brother? I need to have a word with him. Alone."

Emmett nodded, "Gladly. He's being a major downer today...worse than Rosie on the rag, I swear..."

I rolled my eyes and pushed the third stooge in our group out of the room; closing the door behind me. I turned to Edward. To be blunt, he looked like hell, an exact copy of Bella. He had deep purple circles of sleep deprivation under his tired green eyes. His hair, sloppier than normal. His skin paler. He looked like a man on death row; 45 minutes before his execution.

He broke the silence first, "How is she, Jasper? How is Bella?"

I sighed heavily before sitting down in the chair across from him, staring at him with some unchecked anger. "How do you think she is doing? She is depressed, Edward. She's been locked up in her room: not eating, not sleeping...she has become a zombie. She's sacrificed her own happiness for yours..."

His head whipped up, eyes menacing, "She wants me to be happy? She has a funny way of showing it since she dumped me via letter!" He slammed his fist down on the tabletop between us, causing the vase of roses in the center to shudder. "I adored her, damn it. I gave her everything possible..."

"But you didn't give her the only thing she wanted: You. Completely without restriction. You played house when it was convenient with you, Edward. She wanted what Alice and I have...you can see that just by looking at her now. She wanted to share that love and affection with the world, but you...you restricted her. You kept her heart silent. All she wanted was you...yet, here you are, getting married. You bitch that she left, but I didn't see you do a damn thing in attempt to get her back..."

Edward sighed heavily, "What could I have done? I figured she didn't want to be bothered..."

This time the table shuddered under my own fists, "FIGHT FOR HER! God, Edward! You told her you loved her, right?"

Edward nodded, his eyes downcast.

"Then don't give up on her! She needs you as much as you need her. You and I both know that this whole arrangement between you and Tanya is a cop-out of what you truly want. If you love her, Edward, you need to end this now and go to her. True love is a rarity and once you lose it...Edward, you'll never get it back."

I stood up and went over to the door, ready to leave. Before opening the door, I turned back around to look at him. He looked like he was in shock. Good.

"Follow your heart for once, man. Whatever you decide...make sure it is the right choice for you. I'll be at the altar."

I left Edward to his thoughts, hoping that I made some impact.


	21. Bittersweet Symphony

Chapter Twenty-One: Bittersweet Symphony

Revised: April 26, 2009

EPOV

Part One - Sing for Absolution

I fell into a daze as Jasper left the room; his words repeating themselves over and over in my head at a deafening tone.

_"True love is a rarity and once you lose it...Edward, you'll never get it back."_

I thought about this for over a week now. I debated every second of the day, with every intake of breath, whether or not I should go through with this day's plan. I debated on whether or not I should have picked up the phone and call her...my Bella...

"_She's been locked up in her room: not eating, not sleeping...she has become a zombie."_

My cowardly acts left Bella's very soul in shambles. It nearly killed me to think that Bella was this unhappy; this utterly disappointed. I was too chicken shit to stay true to my word. I didn't give Bella what she wanted most: a sense of love, devotion, and commitment. I made her hide in the shadows out of mere convenience; to avoid any complication that may occur.

_"Follow your heart for once, man. Whatever you decide...make sure it is the right choice..."_

What the hell was I doing here? What possessed me to continue carrying out Tanya's wishes for the ideal when I was more than reluctant to participate?

Simple: I was afraid.

I had let Tanya's threats break me down. I could have cared less if she got my doctorate revoked or I lost that contract with the hospital, but then she brought Bella into this...put her education and future at stake.

Then I remembered what Bella had said to me the night we reconciled. We were in the bed, my arms wrapped protectively behind her back. I was talking to her about Tanya and the threats, giving her more details about the actions Tanya could take to bring us to our knees. After I told Bella how Tanya's mother was the head trustee of Columbia's board and how that could affect Bella's future at the school. I remember waiting as she took all my information into consideration. I was scared to death that it'd scare her off. Then, with those sparkling chocolate brown eyes staring deep into mine, she surprised me.

"_Edward...I don't care. I don't care about Columbia. I don't care about a future that doesn't involve you. You....that's all I want. If that means losing everything, then I'm prepared. I am not capable of living in a world without you...it'd be like living without air."_

Her voice, heavenly, filled my head as the memory replayed over and over. The only reason why Bella didn't fight Tanya back was because she thought this marriage was something I wanted.

Was it?

The answer finally dawned to me as the sun began to seep through the cathedral's stained glass. Finally, the morning rain stopped and, like a sign, the sun casted rays into the once darkened dress room. There was beauty. There was hope. Lastly, there was truth.

I opened the door leading out to the hallway and began my trip to the altar. I was mentally prepared to take on my predator while I unleashed some ungodly confessions in front of God and his jury made of Chicago's gossip girls and social kings.

There is a time, a place, and a purpose; according to our wedding invitations.

And this was it.

Part Two: Turn! Turn! Turn!

Four o'clock flew forward and soon enough I was standing on the altar, prepared and unafraid of my decision. I knew I had to do this. I watched as everyone stood to greet her as she walked down the aisle toward me; a fake smile plastered on her face. I felt my anger begin to brew.

She took her spot beside me. The priest began his sermon before moving into the rites of marriage. Now, more than ever, I was glad we decided to go forward on a simple ceremony rather than the Catholic tradition. She would look over at me with that smile of gratification that I "came crawling back."

I smiled back at her, playing along in a game that she was unwillingly a participant now.

My eyes locked with hers when prompted by the priest as he began my vows. I waited patiently as he came to the most pivotal question of my life:

"Edward, do you take Tanya to be your lawfully wedded wife? To honor, respect and to hold her needs before your own. To keep her as your one true love as God has ordained, for all of your life. This day do you affirm before God and all witnesses your undying loyalty and pledge to forsake all others for her? To uphold her in sickness and health, to be her best friend, sharing in your happiness and sorrow, to always have compassion and love without reservation or reward. Though life may be rich or poor, to her alone will thee hold. To her this day before God do you pledge this vow?"

I looked at Tanya through the veil and with a smirk, I let go of the answer I've been preparing for all morning.

"No."

Her smile quickly contorted into a menace, "Edward....quit goofing off..." She looked at the priest then at the church full of socialites, "H-he's such a kidder..."

I looked at her with disgust as I pulled the boutonniere off my tux, tossing it to the floor. "I'M NOT KIDDING. I'M DONE, TANYA. I have been done, damn it! I told you I wanted to end this and you put me on the spot! Threatening to get my dad fired from the hospital, threatening to get Emmett booted from the police force, threatening not only my future but Bella's future..."

I turned to face the crowd, on a roll and no longer afraid, ready to break my secret, OUR secret. A secret that wasn't dirty to begin with, but was full of promise. I breathed in and yelled as loud as possible. "Father, I have sinned! I have sinned for ever thinking I can go through with this falsehood of a relationship! I beg your forgiveness for even thinking Tanya, this spawn of the devil, was worthy enough to be my wife. Please forgive me for leading my true mate on all this time...please...give me the strength to fight for Bella...my one and only true love."

I turned to thump a shocked Emmett in the arm, "Can you take me to 18 E. Congress? I need to get Bella back before I screw up even more..."

Emmett grinned, "Sure thing, little bro...thank god you decided not to marry that bit-opps...sorry dude..." Emmett crossed himself once before taking the keys from his pocket. I looked to see Jasper, smiling smugly at Tanya before looking over at me. I grinned back.

"Thanks."

He nodded, "Just go. Get her. Love her. "

I nodded as I began to rush down the aisle, leaving the perfect world of white picket fences, seven figures, and utter boredom behind.

It was time for some imperfections.

Part Three: This Bitter Pill

We finally made it to 18 E Congress and in moments, I'd see my Bella: the girl I wanted to spend my life with. Emmett parked the hummer as I ran into the lobby and up the stairwell, not wanting to wait for the ancient elevator. The same elevator we connected in several months ago. I smiled, taking two steps at a time, as I remembered the smell of her hair, the way she parted her lips in mid-moan as I kissed her soft neck.

Soon, we will be together. Soon, we will not have to hide.

I made it to her apartment door and knocked. No answer. I knocked again before finally giving up and retrieving the spare key hidden on top of the door frame. Quickly, I unlocked the door. That's when I got that uneasy feeling...it was far too quiet.

"Bella?"

My eyes ghosted around the living room. Nothing out of place...until I saw the burgundy stains varying in size on the white carpet. I reached down to stroke the smaller stain, allowing the liquid to stain my fingertips. The spot was still damp. I brought my fingers to my nose, smelling the faintness of wine.

"Bella? Are you home?"

I stood back up and began to follow the trail of wine down the hall, leaving the front door open for Emmett. That uneasy feeling gradually grew as I heard music coming from her bedroom. Her door was partially open and the room was dimly lit by the Christmas lights that hung on a bookshelf above her desk.

As I came closer, I saw her small, pale feet. Then her black silk covered legs...she was lying down on the floor, evidently on her stomach.

"Bella? Baby?"

I peered inside and gasped at the sight. Her face was covered by the curtain her hair created, her arms lying outstretched above her head. The flimsy black robe splayed out across her body.

She must have tripped and fell. She is not the most graceful creature. I went over to her and rolled her carefully on her side, her head falling to the side. There was a rather large gash in her forehead. I quickly took off my coat and balled it up to use to apply to the wound.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

"Bella...come on, answer me, damn it...please..."

I reached down to caress her check only to be stunned by how cool and clammy her skin was compared to its normal temperature. My eyes scanned the room for the culprit item she tripped over. That's when I saw them...

The shattered wine glass and a few stray pills...white pills...my mind went back to what she had told me weeks ago...

_"Alice was the one that found me....I was lying on the kitchen floor, the butcher knife still in my hand...she called 911...I got to the hospital in enough time to receive stitches and a psychiatric evaluation..."_

No....no....please God.....not her.....

Emmett came rushing into the room before I could react. "Oh my god...Edward..."

My body went rigid and I went into doctor mode. "Emmett...I need you to call the paramedics...and tell them that there has been a suicide attempt..." I felt for her pulse, careful not to move her too much in fear she had suffered damage from the fall. I breathed a sigh of relief as I caught trace of something in her wrist. "Tell them her pulse is slower than average, but steady and that there is head trauma..."

Emmett nodded and quickly dialed 911 on his cell, reporting Bella's condition and our location as I hurried around the room looking for the pill bottle. Not seeing it anywhere, I ran out of the room and began my hunt. Bella most likely took the pills in the kitchen. I ran into the small kitchenette and began tearing it apart for the bottle. I needed to find out what she had taken if I was going to help her at all. Frantic, I rummaged through the trash can, relieved to find an orange pill bottle with Bella's name on it. I held it under the streaming sunlight coming from the window above the kitchen sink.

Alprazolam: used for panic disorders, depression, anxiety. Overdose can lead to confusion, decreased body temperature levels, weakness, loss of balance or coordination, feeling light-headed, fainting, comas...

Death. Alcohol only increased the effects.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I ran back to her room. Emmett was down next to her giving her mouth-to-mouth. His job as a police officer made him knowledgeable in these types of situations. I looked around the room, in avoidance to seeing Bella in such a fragile state for it was killing me. I saw the boxes: neatly marked with names of new ownership. I noticed how bare her room was and realized that she planned each detail of her death...her attempt at death...like Tanya planned the wedding.

The tears didn't fall until I heard the song that she had playing on loop on her phonograph. I went over to look at the label of the 45:

_**Marjorie Fair - The Empty Room**_

Right below the title, there was something written in Bella's handwriting. I stopped the record and peered down to see what it said, catching a glint of gold in my eye...Bella's ring was resting in the center of the 45, an arrow pointed from the ring down to Bella's note. I covered my mouth to hold in my wails...

_Edward....this doesn't matter anymore._


	22. Remember to Breathe

Chapter Twenty-Two: Remember To Breathe

Revised: April 26, 2009

Part One: Goodbye, My Almost Lover

EPOV

Everything from that moment on was a daze. I vaguely remember the paramedics arriving. I vaguely remember the ride in the ambulance with Bella, who was still unconscious. All I can remember is holding her small, clammy hand in mine. The twitching of her thin fingers kept me sane...they let me know that she was still alive.

While loading Bella into the ambulance, Emmett phoned our dad and asked for him to meet us at the hospital. I didn't trust anyone else to tend to her, not even myself.

Dad was standing outside as the ambulance pulled up to the emergency room doors. Emmett and I both helped the medics unload Bella. My eyes remained glued to her face that remained pale and emotionless. I couldn't imagine her not smiling again; her eyelashes never fluttering like a hummingbird's wings whenever she was thinking too intensely or whenever she was embarrassed. Never hearing her laugh or seeing that beautiful crimson blush invade her cheeks... I simply couldn't imagine her dead.

My father came over to me as the medics took over and pushed her stretcher into the closest E.R. room. I kept my eyes on her only as he spoke.

"This is Bella?"

Unable to speak, I nodded.

My father remained silent for a few moments before nodding, "Okay. We'll talk later. Right now we need to focus on saving her. Do you know what she took?"

I fished the pill bottle out of my pant pocket and handed it to him. He looked at the bottle briefly before going toward Bella's room. "Edward, why don't you have a seat in my office?"

No. No. No. I couldn't...no, I wouldn't leave her side for any length of time after this point. "Dad...no...please, please...I don't want to leave her again...don't make me leave her again..."

Tears began to well in my eyes. I couldn't abandon her again. I needed to be with her. I needed her to know I wasn't going anywhere.

"Edward...look, hospital regulations..."

"Fuck hospital regulations! Dad...please! I'm begging you to let me be with her!"

He sighed in defeat, hastily nodding, "Fine, but you must cooperate and stay out of the way."

I nodded and began following him. We entered Bella's room and the tell-tale signs of a serious situation were there to assault me: the heart monitor, the oxygen mask that enveloped her mouth and button nose, the IVs...so much.

I watched in silence as Dad went through the procedures swiftly. He explained that she had a drug overdose and that we would have to do a gastric lavage at this point. Her stomach would have to be pumped. I watched as Dad and another intern began inserting the endotracheal tube to protect her airways and to prevent her from breathing any stomach fluids into her lungs. Carefully, they rolled Bella onto her left side to insert the stomach pump through her chapped parted lips, two pale pink wilting rose buds...the very ones I dreamt about kissing again for days. The doctor in me knew that once the stomach pump went down her esophagus and to her stomach that the contents would be pumped out. Her stomach would then be washed out with lukewarm water or salt water. This would have to be done repeatedly until the fluid that exited the stomach was clear. With the intensity of the drug that she had taken, they would also most likely use activated charcoal to absorb anything remaining. This might accompany a cathartic that would speed up the emptying of her intestines.

They began pumping, following the correct procedures. I watched, helpless, until a voice, broke through the chaos of the E.R.

"You are not allowed in here, Cullen!"

I spun around to see Mr. Trevor Denali, Tanya's father, glaring at me. I was not in the mood for this shit. "I have permission from the Chief of Operations. You get out."

I felt him grab my shirt sleeve and began to drag me to the door. Without hesitation, I shoved him off, livid. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He grabbed the front of my shirt in his fat little hands, pulling me closer. "You've already pissed me off once, you little son of a bitch...it may be too late to revoke your doctorate since the paperwork has been finalized, but I can and will make damn sure your contract with Mount Sinaifalls through, so help me God..."

I shoved him off again, "FUCK YOU AND THAT CONTRACT!" I pointed over to Bella's limp body, "She is dying because of me! Because I was too fucking selfish to begin with! My future is NOTHING without her! So, as far as I'm concerned, I don't give a damn what happens to my future in medicine. Now, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

Just as I finished, I heard the heart monitor beep level out.

"She's crashing! We have cardiac arrest! Code blue!"

I spun around to see the flat line on the monitor. The intern stopped the pumping as my father began to charge the nearby defibrillator. He held the paddles together as he silently counted.

"Clear!"

I shut my eyes tightly, tears sliding down my cheeks, as I heard the first shock go through her limp, breathless body.

The heart monitor still wailed without change.

I opened my eyes to see her not responding to the treatment, I couldn't control my anger. My pain was deafening. Dad charged the paddles again, still silently counting...

"Clear!"

I sobbed in horror as I watched her body, the one I made love to so many times before, contort as the electric shock shuddered through her. She still wasn't responding.

Just as Dad pulled the paddles away from her still chest, I rushed forward, slamming my fists down on the footboard of her bed; a crazed man.

"Bella! Damn it! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU! I NEED YOU! STAY WITH ME, BABY! DON'T LEAVE..."

Dad ordered two of the male interns to force me out in the hallway as I struggled to stay. Tears and wails were leaving my body as I fought to remain at her side; a battle lost.

The interns left me out in the hall, ordering me to stay, before running back into the room where they began the third shock. My sobs drowned out the heart monitor's mocking. In anger at myself, I kicked over a nearby cart before pounding my fist into the wall behind it repeatedly. I didn't feel the physical pain from the blows. All I could feel was the emotional pain; the pain that came with helplessness. The pain that came when you couldn't protect the one person you loved...

My body slid down onto the floor into the fetal position as my sobs grew louder. Bella could be dead. Bella could be dead. Dead. Dead....

_"Bella...no matter what happens...remember that you are worth everything...a life without you...without your smile, your laugh, your sparkling eyes, your touch....it would be like not seeing another sunrise..."_

The words I offered her in comfort when she told me about James came back to haunt me. Each syllable held truth. A world without her...unbearable, blasphemy, utter sacrilege.

For the first time in a long time, I prayed.

I prayed for strength.

I prayed for hope.

I prayed for her.

Part Two: Colorblind

EPOV

I stopped crying ten minutes later. There was nothing left to cry out. I kept praying though, silently on the cold, sterile white tiles of the hospital floor. I prayed for Bella to survive and thrive; overcoming her painful past in order to gain a brighter future.

Emmett had called Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie. They were all in the waiting room in the south wing of the hospital. Bella's father, Charlie and his wife, Debra, booked a flight immediately as soon as they received word from Alice on what had happened.

What an excellent way of meeting her father, right?

I sighed heavily as I pressed my tense back to the cold wall behind me; looking forward to the ring I held between my right index finger and calloused thumb. I thought back on the day I bought it for her and how elated I had felt as she slipped it on her wedding band finger. I couldn't deny how much I enjoyed playing house with her that day. I even imagined what E.J., our imaginary toddler would look like. I pictured him with my crooked smile, her button nose, my bronze locks with a hint of her curl, an exact copy of her chocolate brown eyes...

The thought of not having this opportunity of spending my life with her; of not having our little E.J., was excruciating.

My thoughts were interrupted with the sound of dress shoes clicking on the tile, coming closer toward me. I looked up to see my father, his face grim.

I couldn't get off the ground fast enough. I wanted answers. I wanted to know whether God or whatever higher power heard my prayers. "H-how is she? How's Bella?"

Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug. Oh no...she wasn't okay...no...

"She was clinically dead for about three minutes, but after you left, her heart began pulsating again. We pumped her stomach followed by a salt water flush then charcoal and cathartic treatment...she's going to be okay..."

I pulled away some, shocked as I took each word in. "S-she's okay?"

Dad smiled some and patted my cheek gently, patting away some stray tears. "She's doing beautifully. Everything is stable. We are going to keep her in observation for a few days..."

I cut him off with another hug, "Oh god....thank you...thank you...."

He hugged me back for a while, clearing his throat he asked the question I was dying to hear.

"Would you like to see her? She's sleeping right now..."

Without hesitation, I nodded.

--------------

He opened Bella's door quietly, stepping aside to let me through. I entered the dimly lit room and saw my love sleeping soundly in the bed. Her hair was brushed back behind her shoulders; the head wound was sewn and bandaged. Her skin was a creamy glow against the bed sheets. The night light above her head glimmered, giving the effect of an angel's halo.

It was suiting since she was my angel. She was my savior.

I went to her bedside, leaning down to gently brush my lips against hers before moving up to kiss her forehead. With my lips not leaving her skin, I reached down to take her hand in mine. I relished the feel of her soft skin as my fingertips massaged her palm. With one last kiss, I whispered lightly the first verses that came to my mind:

_"Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye_

And roped me in  
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing  
I am captivated"

I was ready to correct my past errors. I was ready to make every wrong right.

I was ready to be vindicated.


	23. White Horse

Chapter Twenty-Three: White Horse

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV

_Death is easy, peaceful...living was what was hard..._

_Death is easy, peaceful...living was what was hard..._

_Death is easy, peaceful...living was what was hard..._

_......_

My thoughts from before everything was enveloped in darkness began to replay as the dense fog

lifted. Is this what death was like? Dark...quiet....

Beep.

Beep.

The pulsating radiated throughout my eardrums and light began to glow through my closed eyelids; every thin reddened vein lit up. The light began to burn my eyes some, making them water behind the lids. Great, I'm in Hell. Then again, I was in my own personal Hell before I tried to off myself. This hell might be better.

This hell would be a no Edward zone.

In attempt to stop the watering, I blinked my eyes open a few times. I was a little confused at first when I didn't see flames or pitchforks anywhere. Then my eyes began to focus; the blurring from a deep sleep finally retrieving.

I wasn't in Heaven or Hell. I was in a dreary white hospital room; tied down with I.V.s. My eyes trailed down my left arm where my hand was being held captive by something or someone. They followed the path of the I.V.s, past the elbow and down to the wrist. Finally, they reached my hand and there I saw another hand laced together with mine. This hand was familiar. Larger than my own; soft and calloused from years of guitar playing.

I shook my head. It couldn't be...no, it wouldn't be him. He isn't here. He is in the tropics somewhere...with his _wife_. He wouldn't waste anymore time here.

I allowed my eyes to trail up the white cotton clad arm, up the shoulder and to the bronze locks...I felt weak...

I stopped at his face, deep in heavy slumber. Edward was here, in his tux minus the jacket. No...this was some cruel joke...he isn't here...he didn't want me...he isn't here...

I tugged my hand away from his and brought it to my face to muffle a mournful sob. I can't be alive! I didn't WANT to be alive! Couldn't they just let me be? Couldn't I even kill myself right? Evidently, not only was I unable to keep a guy interested.

Why couldn't Edward just let me be?

EPOV

_The gray clouds floated overhead as I stood in line in a field of green. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett were all in this line, separate from each other. The line was a sea of black: black suits, black skirts, black dresses...black on black. It was like that Rolling Stones' song that I'd listen to every day on my way to school._

_The crashing of waves in this sea was replaced by cries of anguish with each step forward. The line moved steadily and I moved closer to whatever it was making each member of our silent party cry. Alice was the last person I knew ahead of me. She looked down at the ground and within seconds, her pixie like body began to shake; sobs of deep sadness escaping. She reluctantly left the spot, allowing the last two people in front of me to follow her lead: step forward, look down and cry. Step forward, look down and cry. I was next._

_Finally, I got to see what was going on._

_I stepped forward and allowed my eyes to cast themselves downward to the polished slab of black marble before me. I bit my bottom lip hard as I fought back the tears. No....no....._

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_September 13, 1984 - April 23, 2006_

_Taken Too Soon._

I jerked myself awake, gasping for breath. Jesus, it was just a dream...it was just a dream.

I ran my hands through my messy hair in attempt to tame it before looking down at my watch. It was 6:30 in the morning. I managed to sleep most of the night until that nightmare. I rested back into the chair, preparing to return to a dreamless sleep when a muffled sob caught my attention. Distinctly, my eyes ghosted over to my priority: my Bella.

Bella hands sheltered her pale face as she broke down; sobs raking her weakened body. With each intake of broken breath, with each of her whimpers, I could feel my heart break even more. I had done this to her. I had broken her.

Damn it all though, I was going to be the one to put her together again.

I got up from my chair without hesitation and wrapped my arms around her shivering body. She didn't push me away; too weak from the drugs and treatment to even try. She continued to cry as I rocked her gently on the bed. Soon after, the silence between us was broken with the blackest of blasphemy fallen from her lips,

"Why didn't you let me die? Why couldn't you all respect my wishes? I-I'm not worth...saving..."

A sob broke the room. It was masculine in tone. It was full of mourn and pain.

It was _my_ sob.

"Bella...you are worth saving...you are worth every...."

She pushed her body away from mine with as much strength she could muster. "G-g-get out!"

I shook my head. I didn't want to abandon her again. I didn't want to leave her alone. "Bella...please..."

She shook her head angrily, her curls bouncing causing threads of hair to cling to her wet cheeks. "No...please...leave me alone! Don't you get it, Edward? You picked her! You picked her! You didn't even try to stop me from leaving! She's got more to offer than me! I'm a fucking nobody! I realized how unworthy I was after James and I tried to do something about it! Then you came along...you made me feel special...important. I thought you would want to be with me...then you betrayed me...you asked me to be your 'dirty little secret'...." My words from that night at Navy Pier came back to haunt me. It was in poor judgment when I asked her to be that skeleton in my closet and now I was beginning to see the train wreak I had created.

Her body quivered with anger and pain as she took another breath before continuing.

"I-I'm tired of pretending....I'm tired of waiting for you to come on your white horse to rescue me...you should have let me die...you didn't need to feel obligated to save me..."

My eyes began to burn with tears as I watched her break down her carefully built wall. Bella was always so fearful of showing her pains and now her it all was out in the open. The worst realization though was finding out that I ranked close to her attacker.

Defeated in this fight, I shook my head, "Bella...I'll leave you alone for now...but I am not just going to give up on you. I love you. I'll always be in love with you. One of these days, I'll prove it to you, but in the meantime, I'll give you space."

Without another action or another word, I stepped out into the hallway; fighting back tears. My hopes of vindication were dim on the horizon, but I wasn't going to quit. I wasn't going to give up on her. Not yet.

I began my trip down to my father's office to vent. As I turned down the hall, my eyes met a pair of chocolate brown ones...

Chief Charlie Swan, Forks Chief of Police.


	24. Oh Father

Chapter Twenty-Four: Oh Father

Charlie's POV

Part One: Another Heart Calls

12:16 A.M.

I got the phone call around midnight after a long shift at the police station. I had just got done taking a shower and was about to lay down when the telephone began to ring. My wife, Debra, was still downstairs finishing up a lesson plan for her fourth grade class when the phone began to ring. I was too tired to stumble into the hall to get it.

The phone stopped after two rings. Thinking it was either a Debra's sister, Amanda, calling or a wrong number, I began drifting off to sleep. It was such a relief to finally be home from a long day filled with speeding tickets and loitering teenagers.

My slumber was interrupted with gentle, but frantic shakes and my wife's trembling voice.

"Charlie....Charlie....wake up, please wake up!"

I groaned slightly as I began to slowly open my eyes, finally sitting up some in the bed.

"Debs...what on earth...can't this wait till..."

I didn't think it was anything important. Perhaps some town gossip provided by Amanda. Then I looked at Debra's face, pale and shocked. I shot up in concern and gently clasped both my hands around her upper arms, "Debs...what's wrong? What is it?"

The green glow coming from our nearby alarm clock caught one of many tears sliding down her face. "It's Bella..."

I shook my head in disbelief. Bella was okay, I had talked to her a week ago and she seemed fine. She was focusing on her final term papers, studying, prepping for exams. She told me how she was considering on pursuing her second field of study: music education. She talked about Macy's, Rosalie, Alice...but not once did she mention anything of concern.

I cleared my throat, "W-what is it? Did she lose her job? Is she failing a class? It she sick?"

Debra shook her head furiously before grabbing my hand with her small ones. "No...Charlie...she tried to...she overdosed....Alice just called...some boy, a boy that she was seeing, found her..."

Part Two: Take-offs and Landings

1:56 - 3:10 A.M.

It didn't take long for us to get ready. While Debra called the principal at Forks elementary to set up an emergency leave, I bought plane tickets for the next available flight. We didn't pack with care; grabbing anything and tossing it into two large suitcases. After calling my second officer in command and giving him his orders, we left for the Port Angeles Airport.

The flight was far too long. By this point, Debra had filled me in on everything Alice had told her. Bella had been seeing this boy since November: exactly six months. He was with someone else the entire time and basically held my daughter off when it came to actual commitment. My beautiful, sweet Bella wanted to be loved; to have the same sort of love that Alice and Jasper had, that Renee and I had before she passed away of viral cardiomyopathy, or the kind of love Debra and I shared.

Debra sat beside me in silence, tears streaming down her face, as she looked out the window and into blackness of night. We've been married for five years now; right before Bella graduated from Forks High. We had met when I did a career day for her class. She was a widower too. Her marine husband, Cameron, had died in combat during the Gulf War. We both knew the pain in connection to losing a loved one and slowly began our companionship as friends. It took two years for us to begin dating and by then Bella was a sophomore and Renee had been deceased for four years.

Over time, Bella and Debra developed a strong connection as stepmother and stepdaughter. Debra treated Bella as if she were her own; even taking on the responsibility of taking Bella to her therapy sessions after...her attack. Debra would stay by her side as Bella cried herself to sleep at night while I remained at the police station, trying to find anything I could on that creep that would put him behind bars. He had left town before we could ever arrest him.

I was the one that suggested Bella try a fresh start at Columbia. Debra was worried sick that it was too soon and tried to talk Bella into starting slow: perhaps at UW or any other nearby college. Bella was equally stubborn; just like me, and assured Debra that she would be fine.

I began to regret my suggestion of Bella reclaiming her spirit in a different place. Her moving to Chicago caused all of this: falling in love with some guy that is too self-absorbed to realize that making my daughter his little fling was going to create such a demise. He didn't realize that her heart, battered by memories of Forks, couldn't possibly recover from his path of destruction.

It was then I made up my mind.

The plane began to descend onto the O'Hare runway. I reached over, taking Debra's clammy hand in mine and absently played with her wedding ring, as I stared off into space.

Part Three: Take a Bow

4:19 - 6:11 A.M.

We sat in the hospital waiting room; sleepless and nervous. I tried to get Debs to go to sleep, but she refused. She kept drinking endless cups of coffee as she and Alice sat next to each other in silence. Jasper was standing in the corner with a bulky fellow with short brown curly hair; Rosalie, Bella's co-worker and friend, was tucked under his arm; face buried into his white dress shirt. Quizzically, I looked over at Alice, and as if she could read my mind, she nodded in Emmett's direction.

"That's Emmett, Edward's brother and Rosalie's boyfriend..." she murmured in her soft chiming voice that seemed to lack its perky luster.

I looked back at Emmett, then back at Alice, "Edward...is that _his_ name?"

Alice nodded, but remained silent. I felt red hot.

"Where is he, Alice?"

Alice sighed, "He is probably with her. He was so devastated when he found...."

Before I knew it, I was on my feet, furious that he was even permitted near my little girl. My baby after he almost single handedly wiped her existence off the face of the earth with his lust filled selfishness. I wasn't going to sit back and allow him to rub it in her face any longer.

"Oh, I'll show him devastation..."

Debra gripped my wrist weakly, "Charlie...stop...this isn't the time or the place..."

I lightly jerked away from her; not wanting to hurt her. "Damn it, Debs...something needs to be done about this creep." I began to storm out of the room, receiving looks from Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper. I didn't care what anyone thought. I was livid.

"Be rational, Charles!" I winced at the sound of my full first name falling from Debra's lips I turned down the hall adjoining the waiting room. She only used the full first name when I was in trouble.

Fearless, I kept going. I turned down another hall, crashing into another man, slightly older than Bella. I looked behind him to see that he was coming from a private room. Looking closer through the doorway, I saw my little girl, crying in anger and pain. She looked so sad.

"Edward?"

From the look on his face, you would think the boy had come face to face with his maker and was preparing to spend his eternity in the lowest part of Hell.

Good. I wanted the little bastard to be scared.

He finally nodded. "Chief Swan? Bella told me all about you...she showed me a picture of you..."

"Did she now? Did she tell you that I am an avid gun collector too? I love firearms. Or did she tell you how I have a wicked temper?"

He stood there in shock. Just staring at me as if lightning bolts were to come flying out of my eyes at any moment.

I leaned in a little closer, nose to nose; eye to eye. I cleared my throat before uttering his sentence; compiled of damning evidence.

"Stay the hell away from my daughter."

I shoved past him and began to enter the room, ready to comfort my only child.

"No," A strong voice; _his_ voice stated behind me with as much authority as he could muster.

And, in the words of the teenage boy I cited today for speeding said as I handed him his first ticket, I thought to myself...

Oh no....he just didn't.


	25. Chicago Is So Two Years Ago

Chapter Twenty-Five: Chicago is So Two Years Ago

Revised: April 26, 2009

EPOV

I just told Bella's father no.

I just told Charlie Swan, Chief 'Gun toting" Swan no. No.

What in the HELL was I thinking???

Simple: I wasn't thinking; at least not about the repercussions from disobeying the wishes of an avid gun collector with a hot temper. No...all I could think about was Bella; wanting Bella, needing Bella, praying for Bella's forgiveness.

Finding Bella was a wake-up call. One that I didn't and would never want to experience again, but the sad part of it all was that it was a necessary evil. I needed this blunt force of emotion to realize that I was a damn screw-up. My actions could have cost more than our secret love affair, but her very own life. A life I had come to hold with higher value than my own.

Her body, lying lifeless on the bedroom floor...replaying the images in my head: the way her bloodied face looked at a reluctant peace, the way her limp arms were splayed above her body, like the dying weeds of autumn...

No...I wasn't going to leave her again. Never. Even if she wouldn't accept my love, I would still stay near. I would still protect her. I wasn't going to give up on her like she had given up on herself. I was going to stay strong for the both of us.

Even if that meant jail time or getting pumped full of lead by her erratic, overprotective father.

Charlie spun around as I fell silent and gave me the "Swan daggers" with his eyes; the very same ones Bella would give me when I did something she didn't approve of, except her daggers were much more wicked, yet incredibly sexy. Charlie's was just scary...

...really fucking scary.

"What the hell did you just say, kid?" He said with this demonic tone laced with shock. Did he seriously think I would leave his demand without countering? Did he really expect me to be whipped like a dog and leave it at that?

"I said no, Chief Swan. I refuse to leave your daughter alone. Leaving her alone created this mess. I won't do it again."

Charlie stared at me in disbelief before giving me a feeble attempt at a shove away from Bella's room. "Boy, I'm warning you..."

I stepped forward again, "Chief Swan, with all due respect, I really don't give a damn what you want. My top priority is Bella. If you want to use me for target practice, go right...."

"No! No! No! You destroyed my daughter's spirit, you little jerk! Why don't you get home to your wife?"

I felt the blood run out of my cheeks as I began to lose control, clenching my fists into tight balls, I got up in the Chief's face and screamed as loud as I possibly could.

"I DON'T HAVE A WIFE, DAMN IT! I broke off our engagement to be with Bella! I called it quits in front of Chicago's top notch citizens! I confessed I was in love with your daughter! I love Bella, damn it! I LOVE HER!"

Charlie stood there in front of me, shell shocked. Before he can sputter out his response, Bella's pained cries echoed through the hospital hall.

"Stop it! Both of you! I can't take anymore! Edward...please....just leave, I'm begging you..."

I looked past Charlie and through the doorway at her and felt that familiar ache all over again: the same ache I felt the night she came over to my apartment with the things I gave her. The same ache that I felt when I held her on the cold marble floor as she cried in emotional pain. Her skin was paler than normal, bleach rather than cream, her hair was disheveled and there were blotchy red streaks on her cheeks from excessive crying.

Even though I didn't want to leave her again, I didn't want to torture her either. I nodded in defeat and complied to her wishes.

I turned on my heel and forced myself to walk away for the time being. I would give her space for the time being until I can find a way to prove myself again.

BPOV

I watched with tear glazed eyes as Edward stormed off down the hall. It was excruciating to pretend to hate him; to pretend that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. It was necessary though, at least I _thought_ it was..._feeling_, on the other hand, was a polar opposite.

I was angry at him for pro-longing my pain. Didn't he understand? It was in his best intentions for me to leave. He had a reputation to uphold in the city of Chicago. Didn't he realize what he was throwing away?

Ultimately, though, I was angry with myself. I got into this huge mess to begin with by falling in love with a man that was physically and emotionally unavailable. I failed at my second attempt at taking my life. I couldn't keep a guy interested and I couldn't end a life filled with loneliness and self-doubt.

I heard the foot of my bed groan in protest to another weight being applied to its frame. I broke my focus from the hospital window's vast view of Chicago's morning skyline to look to the foot of the bed. My father sat there; the profile of his face weathered by fading anger, concern, and lack of sleep. He kept his eyes downcast, looking down at his clasped hands. Silence invaded the space between us for several more minutes; it was evident that whatever Charlie was preparing to say needed these minutes of solitude to find the proper approach to the tasks at hand. I knew by the conflicted look on his face right down to the way he tapped his black leather boots against the pristine hospital floor that whatever he was about to say would change my life in one way or another.

"Bells?"

His scratchy voice finally broke through the crevices of my mind like specks of light leaking through the remnants of a battered, abandoned house. I looked up into his eyes, exact copies of my own, and saw the pain; the unmistakable fear. I caused that fear. I caused that pain. My own attempt to end my life reawakened his memories of my mother's passing. He experienced death with his parents and then his wife.

I realized then, as he reached over to take my small, smooth hands in between his large leathery ones, that my death would only hurt him more. It would devastate him and Debra both. I was their only child. It would be selfish to leave them behind. I had to live, for their sake only. I loved them both with all my heart.

Charlie cleared his throat once more before speaking again. "Bells...Debs and I have been talking...baby, maybe it's time you came home. You could live with us, you know? Your room is the same way you left it...Dr. Meyer is still a therapist at the hospital, too. You can go talk to her weekly. Maybe you can take a break from classes...or perhaps take classes at one of the nearby colleges?"

I remained still and very silent, allowing his plans to sink in. I could tell by his stuttering that he was becoming nervous as he continued to lay out the plans to move back to Forks with careful detail; as if it was a done deal.

"You know, if you're worried about work, I'm sure Deb can check with Forks Elem and see if there are openings for pre-school aides? Or maybe Cora at Carver's Diner can use an extra hand...Cora sure does miss seeing you. Aunt Amanda would love to have you back too."

I continued to think the plan out. I wasn't happy with my life, that I was absolutely sure. I was forced to survive. For the sake of my father and stepmother, I had to pull through. It didn't matter how empty I felt.

I also had to disappear from Edward's life, for the greater good of his future. Edward had worked so hard for everything he accomplished. He deserved much more than I, a girl that came from a small lumberjack town with no money or social climb, could ever offer. I loved him, as difficult as it was to admit now and even though I know he ended things with Tanya, I still felt that he could find someone better; more deserving. I also felt that, maybe, it was a little too late to rekindle any chances of a life together. In real life, Prince Charming never stayed forever. There were no guarantees that we'd work. That's why I had to do something. I had to turn in my resignation to my friends; to my acquaintances; to Chicago itself.

James was gone, after all. He couldn't hurt me any longer. Today, I could start new again. Even though a part of me was going to be missing from this point on, I was willing to try. I had to try.

Without another fleeting thought, I squeezed my father's hand.

"Let's go home."


	26. The Mixed Tape: Part One

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Mixed Tape

BPOV

---One Month Later---Part One: Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace

Time passes without dramatic change; without excitement or companionship. It has been a month since I left Chicago and Edward Anthony Cullen behind. Since my return to Forks, I have been keeping myself occupied in a miserable attempt to avoid the very thought of him. By day, I worked part-time at Carver's Diner as a server alongside Cora, a long-time friend of our family. The other half of my days were filled with classes at Peninsula College in Port Angeles. I had decided to begin focusing on my minor in music education and was hoping I'd find some joy in working with children once I finished school. Being that I was half-way done with my education by the time I transferred from Columbia, I didn't have too long to go until I could begin student teaching.

Even though my days were packed with activity, my nights lacked substance. After all the studying and semi-quiet dinners with Charlie and Deb, I was left to my own accord. Falling asleep at night became an obstacle; I spent most of the night tossing and turning. When I did drift off to sleep, I only ended up dreaming of him: the way his brows furrowed when deep in thought, the way his lips curled up into that crooked smile...his kisses, his caresses: everything about him haunted me.

Then again, it didn't help that he kept calling my cell phone or leaving e-mails for me.

"_Bella, please...just call me to let me know you are alright." - _May 24th e-mail

_"Bella...come on...pick up the phone...please...fuck, just call me or e-mail me. I need to hear your voice before I go nuts..." _- May 26th voicemail

_"Come home." _- May 30th text message

These were just a few of a thousand messages I'd get throughout a day from him; all of them frantic in tone and repetitive in themes: come back, be with me, call me, forgive me...

It was hard not to follow suit and leave Forks. It took everything I had not to jump on the next flight to Chicago and be with him.

No...I couldn't. It was for the best. Edward deserved the finest and I couldn't live up to that expectation. I couldn't be perfect; not after being his mistress.

---June 4th---

"Okay...so please, folks, finish reading pages 152 through 206 by Friday and using methods mentioned in the book, prepare a mock-up lesson plan to present to the classroom for critique. Class is dismissed," Mr. Molina, my Early Childhood Music professor, said before shutting off the projector and switching on the lights of the dim classroom. I took my time gathering up my notes, textbooks, and pens; not really looking forward to the rain and cold breeze that awaited.

Once I packed everything back into my backpack, I started descending the stairs leading down to the main podium and the exit. I was halfway to the door when Mr. Molina stopped me.

"Miss Swan, Dean Porter asked me to give this to you. She mentioned that she received it interoffice yesterday afternoon."

Mr. Molina held out a clear plastic CD case with a light blue CD-RW inside for me to accept. I tried to think back on any past assignments that I may have submitted on CD, but came up blank. I normally printed my assignments to hand in or did Power Points via e-mail submissions.

"Um...Mr. Molina...there has to be a mistake..."

He shook his head and pointed at the CD, "Can't be. It has your name on it, Miss Swan."

I took the CD from his hands and looked down at it curiously. The handwriting was perfectly embossed on the shiny blue surface. It was familiar, but I couldn't make the connection to figure out where it came from:

_Earth To Bella Swan: Part One_

_1) True Love Way - Kings of Leon_

_2) I Don't Want To Let You Go - Rivers Cuomo_

_3) As Tears Go By - The Rolling Stones_

_4) We Can Work It Out - The Beatles_

_5) The World Has Turned and Left Me Here - Weezer_

_6) Only One - Yellowcard_

The Rolling Stones....only one person I know would put the Stones on a CD. There is no way...

"Um...thank you, Professor Molina. See you Friday."

I made a mad dash to the parking lot. This had to be some sort of cruel joke or a really big fluke/mistake. There was no way...absolutely, irrevocably no way in Hell...

Edward wasn't here. It was impossible.

My keys fumbled between my rain slickened fingers as I unlocked the door to my truck; tossing my backpack in first before getting inside. I quickly got settled in the driver's seat before starting up the engine; wasting no time in putting the CD into the new CD player my Aunt Amanda and Uncle Robert installed for me as a welcome home present. I waited for the momentary silence to pass. Then the first chords of the acoustic came through; clear and overwhelming to the pounding rain on the hood. Following the chords came the most exquisite sound to ever grace my truck's antique speaker system:

The voice of a seraph; the voice of Edward.

I listened as he sang each song with this intense sadness that not even the original artists could cover; songs that I recall him listening to on vinyl whenever I'd spend the night while Tanya was out of town.

I remembered how we both slow danced to "As Tears Go By" at the club the first night we met.

I remember how we made love to "We Can Work It Out" the night I went to his apartment to give back all the things that reminded me of him.

A tear slipped down my face as the last song came to a close.

It is so hard to pretend not to be in love anymore.


	27. The Mixed Tape: Part Two

Chapter Twenty-Seven- The Mixed Tape

Part Two: Bring Ya To The Brink

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV

---Saturday, June 6th---

A day passed since the CD mix entered my life; since Edward Cullen's voice entered my life for a second time. It was a bittersweet reunion, that was for sure.

I spent the last two days listening to his CD on repeat: in the car, while cooking dinner with Deb, when I was studying, even right before I fell asleep. Without surprise, I began to sleep somewhat better; his voice over the radio speakers lulling me into a numbing slumber.

It had been raining most of the day nothing uncommon for Forks. I spent my morning studying for an upcoming test for my Early Childhood Development class. I didn't realize how much time had passed until a knock came on my open door. I peeled my sore eyes from the textbook and array of notes to see Deb leaning against the door frame; her hair in a messy bun, clad in faded jeans and an old grey flannel of Dad's. I returned the smile that she had given me upon gaining my attention, "Hey Deb...what's up?"

Deb came in and sat down at the foot of my bed, facing me. "Bells, I hate to be a bother when you are trying to study, but I was wondering if you could do your Aunt Amanda a HUGE favor..."

I closed the textbook in front of me, relieved that I now had something physical to do, "Sure, what does she need?"

Deb handed me a set of keys; judging by the various New Orleans key rings from a first, second, and third honeymoon with my Uncle Robert, I could tell they were my Aunt Amanda's house keys.

"Aunt Amanda is quite the klutz. She had a little run-in with a patient's lunch cart at the hospital. Uncle Rob had a field trip with the marching band today, so he won't be home till late. Could you possibly run to her house to get her a fresh pair of scrubs? Normally, she would run home and get them herself, but the new Chief of Operations has just flown in today and she doesn't want to be labeled as 'that one nurse'..."

I nodded and began to pull my worn blue Vans on my feet, "No problem..."

Deb smiled and patted my knee, motherly, "Bells, you are an angel. I would do it myself, but I'm supposed to bring your dad's lunch to the station today. I guess his work load is piling up since Officer Peters resigned last week..."

I tugged my short, black pea coat on before standing up to get my purse from my closet. Once I retrieved it, I scrambled through its interior mess that consisted of pens, invoices, and make-up until my fingers found my truck keys. Fishing them out, I made my way to the doorway.

"Don't worry, Deb. I needed a break anyway. Have a nice lunch with Dad!"

As I descended the stairs, I could have sworn I heard a quiet chuckle fall from Deb's lips. Shrugging it off, I made my way down the stairs, out the front door, and to my truck.

I could sense a difference in the air as I climbed into the cab; like the very atmosphere had been disturbed. I looked around, in full police mode, trying to see if anything was missing or out of place. No, everything was still there where I left it last night after work. However, the bright red stationary that was taped on my steering wheel caught me off guard.

That elegant penmanship, dressed in black, stared right back at me as I leaned in closer...

_Isabella,_

_Please look inside the glove compartment. _

_P.S. - I hope you aren't smoking. It's an utterly repulsive habit. If you are, the peppermint is not covering it up...at all._

No name was written on the note...not that I needed one.

Without delay, I reached over and unlatched the glove compartment. Right behind the my title and registration was a fresh white freesia and another clear CD case; this time the CD inside was a mute lavender color. I picked up the freesia first, bringing it to my nose. It's vibrant smell seemed to calm my fluttering heart as I reached for the CD case next. I looked closely at the CD, wondering what he left me this time.

_Bella-You Are A Fever I Can't Sweat Out: Part Two _

_1) Title and Registration - Death Cab For Cutie_

_2) Return to Me - The Last Goodnight_

_3) O Girlfriend - Weezer_

_4) Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional_

_5) Yesterday - The Beatles_

_6) Faithful - Julian Lennon_

_7) Xavia - The Submarines_

_8) Love Me - Elvis Presley_

----------------

After grabbing the scrubs from Aunt Amanda's, I made the trip to Forks Hospital in the company of Edward's cherubic voice and his acoustic. This whole 'trying not to be in love' thing was wearing me thin. Why was he still being so pursuant? It's been a month, for god's sake.

I still couldn't see my value. I could never see the things that he saw in me; the things that he loved and, evidently, still loves about me.

His attempts not only left me breathless, flattered, and questioning my decision;

They left me livid. Couldn't he just move on?

Wait...did I want him to move on?

_Focus, Bella, focus. _I thought to myself as I fought to keep my attention on the wet road in front of me. I didn't want my visit to the hospital to be for an accident and not the task at hand. Aunt Amanda wanted clean scrubs; not scrubs covered in my blood because I was driving under the influence of Edward Cullen.

I pulled into the small parking lot of Forks Hospital a few minutes later and killed the engine of my truck; half way through Edward's cover of "Love Me". The silence was crushing and I instantly felt lost without his voice. With a heavy sigh, I forced myself to gather up my purse and the Urban Outfitters shopping bag that held Aunt Amanda's scrubs before exiting the car; making a mad dash through the rain and growing puddles to the entrance of the hospital.

The damp soles of my Vans squeaked against the freshly waxed floors of the hospital as I made my way to the elevators. Normally Aunt Amanda worked on the second floor of pediatrics. Like Edward, she had a passion for caring for children.

_Stop thinking about Edward. Stop thinking about Edward. Stop thinking about Edward..._

The elevator finally stopped creeping and the doors slid open with some hesitation due to excessive use. I made a mental note to take the stairs down when it was time to leave. Making my way through the hall, I came to the Nurse's station. Aunt Amanda was reviewing what appeared to be patient charts and, quite frankly, it looked as though she was having a miserable day.

Aunt Amanda, normally upbeat and spirited, looked as though all the energy had been drained out of her. Her long, wavy strawberry blonde hair, normally kept tame and in place, was piled back into a messy bun that rested right above the nape of her pale white neck. The front of her light lilac scrubs were covered with what appeared to be mac and cheese, bits of corn, and spaghetti sauce.

"Um...Aunt Amanda?"

Her weary, powdery blue eyes met mine with relief. She snapped the file that she was reviewing closed before coming over to me; a weak smile gracing her pale face.

"Oh Bells, you are an absolute doll! I was afraid I'd have to wait until Rob got back from that field trip to Washington U."

I forced a little laugh so it'd appear that I was happy. Aunt Amanda was rather observant and ever since she got home, she has been excessively checking in on me. I wished Dad and Deb would have not told her what happened, but I guess they couldn't help it. She would have found a way around the truth of my move sooner or later. I held up the bag for her to take from me.

"Really, it's not a big deal. I needed a break from studying."

She took the bag from me and nodded, "Thanks hon...I'd really like to talk, but I got to hurry and change before that Chief comes up here to inspect the floor. You know...first impressions and all that crap...I heard he's quite a looker though...ugh, that means my troupe is going to be more focused on him than the patients today. Sometimes I think I'm on the set of that stupid television show...what is it again?"

"Grey's Anatomy...Deb made Dad and I watch it last night..."

"Ugh...yeah...anyway, tell Deb I'll call her tonight with the latest dirt."

I chuckled and nodded, "Okay...have a better day."

I watched her scurry off down the hall to the nearest locker room before turning on my heel, making my way to the elevator. Truth of the matter is that it'd most likely be safer for me to take the elevator rather than the winding stairwell of the hospital. I could easily see me missing a step and falling down the steps. I'd take the risk of being trapped in an elevator over a broken neck any day.

I clicked the down button and waited as the ancient crypt on wires crept upward. As I waited, I decided to check my text messages: four from Alice, two from Rosalie, one from Jasper, and nine from Guitar God...as Edward was listed in my phone:

_Guardando da lontano_

_Pazzesco per voi_

_Sogno per sempre di essere con voi_

_Più della mia propria vita_

Siete esattamente la mia marca di eroina

_Ti amo_

_La mia altra metà manca_

_Lo ho bisogno di occuparmi del mio cuore… I' la VE lo ha lasciato con voi_

_Sposilo… è la mia moglie_

I shook my head as I looked at all the messages from him: the only one I knew off hand was Ti amo; I love you. The second one that caught my attention was the very last one, "Sposilo...è la mia moglie. He had said it the last night we made love at his apartment before we went into hiding; the night I intended on ending our forbidden love affair. He told me I'd know what it meant soon enough...well, what the hell did it mean?

I heard the chime of the elevator; alerting me that it had arrived. Without looking up from my cell phone's screen, I stepped forward. Halfway in the elevator, I made contact with another body that released an airy "umph".

"Shit...I'm sorry..." I sputtered out as I started to flip the phone closed; my eyes fluttered open from the impact and quickly began to look up into the face of my latest accident victim.

"It's o....Bella?"

My eyes had focused on his green ones. I felt my heart skip a beat as I allowed my eyes to trace his jaw line, lips, and chiseled nose.

I took his entire face into view and compared it a thousand times to the one face that had been haunting me for the past month. It couldn't be...there was no way...


	28. The Mixed Tape: Part Three

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Mixed Tape

Part Three: In Praise of a Vulnerable Man

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV

I stared back in total disbelief. There he was, in the freaking flesh. He was in Forks. He was the new Chief of Operations...

He was Carlisle Cullen...better known as Edward's father.

I stood there looking at an older carbon copy of Edward; too shell shocked to utter a single word. It was all too crazy and so incredibly confusing. Did this mean Edward was here too? Was he creating this scavenger hunt on his own?

Or was Carlisle in on it?

"Dr. Cullen...what are you doing here?"

Carlisle continued to peer down at me, looking just as surprised as I must have looked. He finally shook his head slightly, as if to clear the trance that he was in, before clearing his through quietly.

"Shortly after you left Chicago, I was asked to resign from my job. Before I left though, a colleague of mine mentioned that this little hospital in Forks was looking for a chief. Esme had been wanting to move to a small town for years now...the big city was getting to her..."

I didn't allow him to finish the explanation; at this point I wanted answers. Cutting to the chase, I finally got the nerve to speak up.

"Are you the only Cullen here?"

He looked at me in a brief silence, "Bella, what in the world are you talking about?"

"Is he here? Is Edward here? If he is, do me a favor. Tell him to leave me alone. Stop leaving shit in my car. Stop passing off CDs to my professors to give to me after class. Stop e-mailing, texting, and calling my cell phone. I'm requesting he does this for his own benefit. If it's you doing all this, I'm begging you for my own sanity to s-s-stop."

My voice had begun to crack as I finished my pleas. I felt tears begin to prickle my eyes. This whole thing was taking its toll on me. Carlisle sighed heavily; I'm assuming at a loss at words and in result to my emotional outburst. He reached up to run his slender fingers through his tousled blond locks. I winced at the gesture in remembrance of Edward. Silence passed between us before he took my arm gently and began to lead me down the hall.

"Bella, I think we should continue this discussion in my office. It'll be more private, okay?"

I nodded, reluctantly. I knew that if Carlisle brought him up in our private conversation, I'd flip out and feel worse. However, as much as I dreaded this, a part of me needed to know if he was here in Forks. I needed to be prepared for that day to come when I would run into him: at the gas pump, in the library, at school, in the ER, or in line at the Thriftway grocery store. I had to be ready.

A minute later, we were sitting face to face in Carlisle's office; the only thing separating us in this state of awkwardness was the large oak desk between us. It pained me to look around the office for amongst all the certificates and awards that graced the walls were family photographs: Edward and Emmett on their dirt bikes preparing for a weekend racing event, Edward at his high school graduation, baby Edward, toddler Edward, angry teen Edward, a profile shot of Edward, in a white lab coat, hunched over a microscope; bronze hair draping across his forehead and into his eyes.

He had me surrounded.

I broke my gaze on the photographs and looked at Carlisle; waiting for him to start.

He tapped his fingers against a small stack of files before speaking, "Bella, I only know bits and pieces of what happened between you and my son in Chicago. I know that you and Edward were seeing each other for almost seven months before your...accident..."

"It wasn't an accident, Dr. Cullen. I didn't accidently swallow fifteen pills with a glass or two of Merlot. It was intentional. It was purposeful. It was suicide," I felt the heat pool into my cheeks as I said this fact evenly in tone. I was hell bent on making a point that I did not want to survive, yet I was practically forced against my will.

"I'm sorry. Yes, your suicide attempt. Bella...I know my son hurt you when he did not end his relationship with Tanya. He waited far too long to voice his contempt, but Bella...if you could have only seen the way he acted after you left..."

I covered my eyes with my hands; fighting back the tears, "Carlisle...please stop..."

"No, you need to hear this. Hear me out. My son...my god, Bella. It was as if you did die that day. He threw himself into his work, spent his days locked up either in the classroom, lab, or his apartment, and it was absolute hell getting him to talk or eat. He hasn't been playing with the band nor getting enough sleep. He became a zombie once you stepped on that plane. I was and still am worried about him. His drinking habits have also picked up a bit and that is not normal for him. All he does is think about you. He's lovesick, in all actuality. He reminisces on what could have been."

Tears had begun to slip down my cheeks as I thought of Edward suffering because of my absence. I didn't want him to be unhappy. I didn't want him to live in our past. Most of all, I didn't want his family to suffer too because of my insecurities.

"Carlisle...I can't...he deserves better...your whole family deserves better..."

Carlisle stood up and walked around to the desk; sitting on the ledge. I was stunned as he curled a finger underneath my chin and carefully lifted my face up to meet his gaze.

"Bella, from the way Edward talks about you, I'd be surprised if there is better. Edward once told me that you were his puzzle piece: a important instance of his playlist. When you left, he said that that important piece could never be replaced. His puzzle was incomplete. Bella, if you were a part of his life, a part of our family...we would have the very best."

His hand dropped from my chin; reaching into his lab coat pocket. He pulled out a thick cream envelope and looked at it hesitantly before slipping it into my hands.

"He is in town, Bella, I'm not going to lie to you. He gave me this to give to your Aunt Amanda. He was hoping she'd pass it on to you to read. He knows that you need time to think and he wants you to know that he will wait for you no matter how long he takes. When you are ready, you will find him. Fate will bring the two puzzle pieces back together."

I nodded, wiping the tears away before standing up and walking to the door. I turned to Carlisle once more. "I just want what's best for him...please, take care of him."

Carlisle sighed heavily, "Bella, you are what's best for him. Please grasp that. In the meantime, I will watch over him. That's what fathers do."

Without another word, I left the office.

-------------------------------------------------------------

It's been nearly four hours since I made it home from the hospital. I was now sitting on my bed in my room staring at the cream envelope lying on the black comforter in front of me. My full first name was written in his silky handwriting on the front; beckoning me to open up the envelope and read its contents. I had been staring at this envelope since I received it: on the elevator, at every stop sign and traffic light, at dinner (which caused Charlie and Deb both to stare at me in what appeared to be anticipation), as I brushed my brushed my teeth...all the way up to now. Scared witless to open it.

Finally, with shaking hands, I grabbed it up and began to rip it open. I pulled the thick cream paper out and took a deep breath. As I unfolded it, the scent of freesia wafted up to tickle my nose with its freshness. Turning the letter right side up, I began to read:

_Dear Bella, _

_I've been struggling to write this letter to you for weeks now. Every time I start writing this, I just freeze up. No words can ever describe what I'm feeling or how much I love (and miss) you._

_This is the ninth attempt at writing this letter. I hope it serves its purpose._

_I am writing this at that little meadow you told me about the night at the bar when we first met. You are right. It is absolutely beautiful, however it pales in comparison to you. Nothing or no one can ever be as beautiful as you. _

_Right now, I'm sitting by the pond. There are these two geese floating along; side by side without a care in the world. It reminds me of this story Emmett told me a long time ago._

_Emmett and Rosalie was on their first date. He had thought it'd be terribly romantic to take Rosalie on a moonlit walk through Ping Tom Memorial Park. The whole night was a whirlwind of bad luck. He was late picking her up because the Chief sent him to cover a bank robbery then the restaurant he had reservations for ended up giving his special VIP table away. He was hoping this walk would give him some brownie points._

_Well, to make a long story short, they passed the riverfront and saw these two geese. One, a female, was lying on its side: glassy eyed and still. It was clear the poor thing was dead. The other, whom I think was her mate, stood by her side: grief stricken. Yeah...I guess I don't have to tell you this, but his date with Rosalie ended up being full of her wails and tears._

_The next day, Emmett told Jasper what had happened at the park with the geese and Jasper told him that they had talked about the mating life of geese at a zoo seminar he and Alice had attended. The zoo keeper at the seminar talked about how geese are supposed to mate for life. One couple to be bound together for as long as the other lives. It's said that when one of the counterparts die, the other one will mourn...sometimes to death. The living mate will not leave the dead one's side. It will stay in that very spot with its mate's lifeless body; protecting it from harm._

_Bella, as corny as this sounds, you are my goose. Go ahead and laugh (I know you want to), but it is the truth. Since you've been gone, I've mourned the love that had died between us. I mourned my loss of you. Since day one, I felt a strong gravitational pull to you. You are my sun; my ray of hope. You are my reason, my only reason, for existing. Without you, nothing matters. _

_I love you. I love everything about you: your strengths and imperfections. I love the sound of your laughter and sighs. I love the way you take things in stride without a hint of concern. I love how your skin gives off this warm glow in the morning light. I love how I have to protect you from your klutzy ways. I love how your body feels against mine. I love your mind. I love your spirit. _

_I love you so much it hurts. You are my everything. I know that you think you're not good enough or deserving of my love, but you truly are. You deserve the absolute best: whether that involves me or not._

_I know that I fucked up, but if you would give me another chance I'd make everything right. I would do whatever it takes to make you happy again. If it's too late, I understand, but if it isn't...please, hear my pleas for forgiveness. I'll be waiting._

_I love you, Isabella Swan. My heart is forever yours._

_Your goose,_

_Edward_

_P.S. - __Sposilo… è la mia moglie_

A single tear slipped down my cheek; splashing onto the letter causing some of the black in to blot. I re-read the letter again and more tears followed. He still loved me. He still missed me. He needed me as much as I needed him, even though I didn't want to admit it.

I had a lot of thinking to do and fast. I needed to find out what was best for me for once.

Fatigued, I laid back on the bed; the letter clutched to my chest as if it were Edward itself. My heart's racing beats began to slow as I drifted off into a deep sleep.

------------------------------------

_This had to be a dream._

_Edward and I are sitting underneath one of the ancient trees located in the meadow. His back resting against the trunk of the tree as mine resting against his chest. His arms are wrapped around my very pregnant stomach; our hands intertwine, wedding bands sparkling in the sunlight. His soft lips caress my shoulder as we both look toward the little bronze haired boy around four or five. He was by the lake feeding two geese. I look up to view Edward's face; it's emblazon with pride as he watches the little boy run toward us. _

_The little boy drops to his knees beside me; his crooked smile making me chuckle. He looked like a small copy of Edward, but with my chocolate brown eyes. He gently rests his tiny hand below Edward's on my stomach and smiles. _

_"Momma, when can the baby come out and play with me?"_

_I felt my lips stretch into a subtle smile, "Soon, E.J."_

I jerked myself awake, but not out of fear. Instead of fear or sadness, I felt hope. I felt this sense of relief. This was fate and that dream was a sign of what I needed to do now. Before it was too late.

I was going to go back to Edward. I couldn't fight this feeling any more.

I was still undeniably and irrevocably in love with him.


	29. Love Remains The Same

Chapter 29 - Love Remains The Same

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV

It was impossible to fall back asleep after the dream. I spent rest of the night thinking only of Edward: re-reading his letter over and over till I had every syllable memorized, listening to each CD he made for me on repeat, and reminiscing about our nights together.

If I were to return to him. Things would be different and, potentially, better. We would no longer have to sneak around to spare another's feelings. We could be _that_ normal couple at last: building a future together.

Our puzzle could be complete.

The next morning, I quickly took a shower. Even though the sleepless night took a toll on my already stressed body, I intended on going to work. I needed the money and besides, it'll give me time to think on what exactly I planned to say when I called Edward's cell phone number (thank god I didn't delete it from my phone) later on tonight.

After toweling off, I slipped on my undergarments; consisting of a plain white bra, panties, garter belt, and nude stockings (I was never a fan of panty hose). Next, was my Carver's waitress uniform: a robin egg blue one piece with white lace trim. It looked like it came right out of the forties and, shamefully, I really found it cute.

I pulled my hair into a messy bun as I ran down the stairs and out the front door to the car. Charlie and Deb already left for work earlier, so I didn't have to say goodbye to anyone today or explain why I was pacing back in forth in my room most of the night.

The drive to Carver's Diner was swift and silent; I was in such a daze at home that I forgot to take one of Edward's CDs with me. Even though I had, at least, thirty CDs in the truck with me, I had absolutely no desire to listen to any of them. The only thing I wanted to hear right now was Edward's silky voice. Nothing could ever compare to his voice.

Cora, the owner of Carver's and a old friend of Mom and Dad's, was already at the front counter counting down the drawer for the morning bank deposit. Surprisingly, the diner was pretty much deserted; only one regular, an elderly gentleman by the name of Mr. Duncan, occupied the corner booth in the far back of the diner. He greeted me with a smile before taking a sip of his coffee and looking back down at the morning edition of The Forks Forum- Peninsula Herald. I gave him a quick wave before tying my crisp white apron around my waist and pinning my name tag underneath my right lapel. Casually, I made my way back behind the counter and began busying myself with the coffee maker.

"Good morning, Cora."

Cora turned and smiled at me, zipping up the night deposit bag. "Good morning, Bella...wow, you look beat! Are you okay?"

I forced a smile and nodded as I quickly replaced the filter in the coffee maker.

"I'm okay...I just had a hard time sleeping last night. The storm kept me awake," I lied as I ripped open the packet of decaf and poured it in the filter.

Cora looked at me; unconvinced, but she didn't push. Instead, she sighed and picked up her appointment book and looked it over. An odd smile spread across her lips as she reviewed her plans for the day. This was a completely normal routine for her though. I would be surprised to see her without that book in her hand, even if it were for one single hour of the day.

"Bella, I got a proposition for you..."

I turned my attention back to Cora; leaving the coffee maker to carry out the rest of my task.

"Sure, what is it you need?"

Her smile grew bigger, resembling the Cheshire cat.

"Well, there is this gentleman that called a few days ago when you were off. He just moved from some place out east and his wife is supposed to be reuniting with him today. He was wondering if we could cater a nice lunch for him and bring it by the house he just bought especially for her. You remember, that Cape Cod house on the corner of Prairie and Calawah?"

I nodded as I felt a bit of sadness creep over me as she described the house; my dream house. I remember when it was put on the market after Mrs. Woods, the original owner, passed away. It had been up for sale for years now since it was a little run down. No one had shown interest in buying it and fixing it up. I, however, always had a glimmer of hope that one day I would live there or in a house just like it. It was the perfect place to live and start a family.

Cora cleared her throat, "Well...I have the food all prepared and in a picnic basket to go, but I need you to drop it off to him along with the invoice."

She handed me the invoice before running back into the kitchen. A few seconds later, she came strolling out with a large picnic basket in one hand and a clear, square CD case in the other. She handed the picnic basket to me first.

"Here you go! Just collect the money if everything is satisfactory. After you are done, take the rest of the day off and get some sleep. We are going to be slow today, I can tell right now..."

I was about to protest until she handed me the clear CD case with a shiny red CD inside. I stared at a few minutes. Did he come by this morning or last night? I missed him?

Cora smiled, "I found this in the mailbox this morning. It's addressed to you."

"Um...thanks...I guess I'll get going now..."

I grabbed my keys and made my way out the diner and to my truck with the CD and picnic basket in tow. Once I was inside and comfortable, I looked down at the CD. A warmth came over me as I looked over his handwriting. I was happy I had the rest of the day off now. I could do the errand and then call him. I could finally speak to him.

I read over the title of the CD and its contents carefully:

_Part Three: Wouldn't It Be Nice_

_1) I'll Be - Edwin McCain_

_2) I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden_

_3) You and Me - Lifehouse_

_4) Wonderwall - Oasis_

_5) Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine_

_6) Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys_

_7) Love Remains The Same - Gavin Rossdale_

_8) Day After Day - Julian Lennon_

_9) Our Lips Are Sealed - The Go-Gos_

_10) Bella's Lullaby - Edward Cullen (You inspired this one - Ti Amo)_

I looked at the last song with disbelief. He wrote me a song...a song that I evidently inspired him to create. I turned the ignition and revved the engine before putting the CD in, skipping to track ten. I smiled as delicate piano notes whispered through my speakers; instantly causing me to tear up.

Soon, Edward and I will be together. I could feel it.

----------------------------------------------

The drive to the beautiful Cape Cod style home was perfected with the rare morning sunlight and Edward's angelic voice. In half an hour, I was standing at the front door, ready to knock until I saw a typed letter stuck to the gold door knocker. I leaned in closer to read what it said:

Isabella -

Cora mentioned you would be the one delivering the meal. Please come inside. There's no need to knock.

Sincerely,

Tony

I sighed and opened the door, stepping inside and looking around the foyer and adjoining living room. I set the basket on a nearby hall table before looking around for this Tony fellow.

"Hello? Tony?"

A velvety voice came from the back of the house, "Back here."

I hesitantly walked through the foyer, through the small kitchen, turning right down another hall; finally coming to the last bedroom on the left where the voice had come from earlier. I stepped inside the room; peering around slowly until my eyes met a bronze-haired figure dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a familiar Rolling Stones t-shirt. His piercing green eyes surveyed the powder blue room before looking into mine. I could feel my breath hitch as my memory kicked in full gear: placing the face before me with a name.

He smiled crookedly at me, but there was a hint of desperation gracing his angelic face. He cleared his throat and stepped closer to me, hesitantly.

"I think this room would be perfect for E.J. It'd be right across from our bedroom and it has its own little bathroom that he can use when he gets older. Upstairs is a great loft bedroom that we can convert into a master when we decide to have another baby..."

I shook my head in utter disbelief. I no longer needed to call him. Edward Anthony Cullen was here in front of me. He was in touching distance. I wanted to move; to run to him and fall into his arms, but my feet were cemented to the hardwood floors.

"E-Edward? Oh my god...you are here...y-you bought this house?"

He stepped closer to me and reached out cautiously to caress my cheek lovingly.

"Cora and Deb told me that you always had a thing for this house. I put in an offer on it a week after you left...I wasn't going to give up on you so easily, Bella."

I shook my head in utter disbelief as I looked around the room. I tried to take all this in with as much rational as possible. Cora and Deb were in on this whole thing?

"Edward...what about Chicago? What about your job with the hospital? Wha-" His warm fingertips rested against my lips, silencing me.

"Bella, my home is where ever you are. As soon as you left, I began planning my playlist. I put my apartment on the market. I sped up all my classes so I could finish early. I began setting up my roots here: buying this house and taking a job as the head of pediatrics at Forks Hospital. There is only one more thing on the playlist that needs to be addressed immediately."

I cleared my throat and asked the question that now weighed on my mind, "What is it?"

With a nervous sigh, he whispered, "_ Sposilo… è la mia moglie."_

"What does _that_ mean, Edward?" I could feel the frustration and anticipation building. I wanted a straight answer to the Italian saying that he has continuously referenced.

His lips pressed against my hairline; relishing the silence between us. He allowed his lips to move down my forehead, nose, then finally my lips. His lips brushed lightly against mine as he spoke.

"Bella...there's one thing I want more than anything in this world. Marry me...be my wife..."


	30. Breakfast At Tiffany's

Chapter 30: Breakfast At Tiffany's

Revised: April 26, 2009

BPOV - Five Months Later

For the very first time, I was on the other side of the display counter in a department store; wait, this wasn't a department store. It was the American institution to the upper crust...this was Tiffany and Co. The same Tiffany and Company on Michigan Avenue that I passed on my way to work when I was employed at Macy's on State Street. I used to stop and look through the glass plate doors in envy as I watched men buy their girlfriends, fiancés, and wives the famous Tiffany setting rings. Now, I was one of those girls.

I stared down at the engagement rings with anticipation and a bit of anxiety. I was getting married and it wasn't just to anyone...it was to Edward, my guitar god that I met a half a year ago in a smoky Chicago nightclub.

I had told him that my promise ring would do, but he insisted that I get something new to commiserate our new beginning as that 'normal couple'. Evidently, owning a home together wasn't enough for Edward Cullen. I thought we'd just go to the Weisfield Jewelers in Port Angeles, but I was mistaken.

Edward suggested we make the trip to Tiffany and Company during our trip to Chicago. His loft had finally been picked up by a young graduate school couple that were just starting out. As soon as the closing was complete at the real estate office, Edward had me in a taxi on our way to find the perfect engagement ring.

"So, do you see anything you like yet, love?"

Edward's soft hand slid from my shoulder, down my spine, and finally rested on the small of my back; his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the base of my spine. I felt a smile creep over my face. I pressed the tip of my finger lightly against the clear plate glass; no longer caring about smudging the glass. The ring was the famous Tiffany setting: a thin white gold band with a half a caret diamond resting in the center.

"This one...it's simple and classic...Audrey Hepburn would approve."

Edward chuckled as he leaned in to kiss the shell of my ear, "Classic...like you. I am going to find that salesman. I'll be back so soon you won't even miss me."

I didn't let him leave my side without a kiss on the lips. As cheesy as it sounds, I took every opportunity in public to show him my affection nowadays. I relished in the fact that now we didn't have to hide anymore.

I watched him as he walked down the aisle in search of our salesman before turning my attention to the ring again. As the diamond sparkled softly in the light, my mind went back to the night Edward asked me to marry him.

_Flashback_

_"Bella...there's one thing I want more than anything in this world. Marry me...be my wife..."_

_I stood there in disbelief; staring blankly into his startling green orbs as I tried to fully understand his request. I could feel my head shake from left to right hastily as I wrapped my already fragile thoughts around the very concept of being married: to be __**the**__ Mrs. Edward Cullen._

_"Edward, it's too soon...way too soon. We've only been together six months and even then it was impure...maybe you'll come to realize that I'm not worth it..." I could feel a few tears slide down my cheek as I felt the doubt and evaluation of self worth return with a reprisal. I didn't want Edward to throw it all away for me...plain and nothing special. I broke my gaze from him, ashamed. My eyes remained downcast toward the worn hardwood floor below us. Barely a second passed when I felt him slip one of his slender index fingers under his chin in a hook. As he began pulling my chin upward to face him, I attempted to pull away from his touch. I didn't want him to see me this way. I heard him release a frustrated sigh._

_"Bella, look at me...please just look at me and hear me out."_

_I let out a quiet sob as I fought back the flood of tears before I allowed my tired eyes to meet his concerned ones. Our even gaze was broken as Edward fell smoothly to his knees. He took my shivering hands in his; caressing each prominent line in my palm before leaning in to kiss the leather strap around my wrist. Instead of the kiss reminding me of James and the past, I was reminded of the times I had with Edward: the good and the bad. That one simple kiss made me finally realize something. We did have a relationship: whether secret or not. _

_Now, I was asking myself if that relationship could be salvaged._

_With a shaky sigh, Edward laced his fingers between mine before looking up and speaking to me. "Bella, I don't know how else I could show you how worthy you are to me and to everyone else. I could sit here in this very spot for hours and say all the pretty words in the book...they'll never compare to what I feel. No words can describe what you do to me when you simply smile or walk into a room. You are the reason, the only reason, I keep pushing myself to be better,"_

_I gasped as I saw a tear streak down his soft, pale cheek before he allowed himself to continue; voice cracking._

_"....Y-you couldn't imagine the pain...the very despair I felt....when we found you...Bella...I thought you were gone for good. Every ounce of happiness that our secret produced...crushed... spent...when you flat lined. I thought I would never see your smile or hear your laugh ever again..."_

_The tears began to spill over my eyes as I watched him kiss the pads of my thumbs lovingly._

_"Bella Swan...you are the very image of perfection in my eyes despite what you think of yourself. I've loved you since the first night I saw you...I never thought I'd meet the love of my life. You proved me wrong. I didn't believe in a love that would last forever and I certainly did not believe in happy endings. Bella...prove me wrong. Say yes. Give me the honor of being your husband and future father of your children. It doesn't have to be a whirlwind affair. We can be engaged for weeks or years, I don't care. All I care about...all I truly want...is to never leave your side again. Marry me."_

_His words began to sink in and for the first time since James I felt peace. I felt worthy. I felt what I have been dying to feel for a long time: loved. I had allowed myself to suffer; to hate myself all because of one guy and one terrible night. I had allowed one awful experience to destroy my trust and worth. Then Edward came into my life and went above and beyond making this work at a slow, but productive pace. His relationship with Tanya has ended and now he was ready to pursue the meaning of 'us'. _

_My therapist has been telling me for weeks now that I need to take that first step toward recovery. I needed to find my happiness. She constantly told me that sometimes you just need to take that leap of faith._

_In that brief moment of silence, I realized it was time for me to leap._

_Curling upward on the balls of my feet, I leapt right into my faith, my future: Edward's arms._

_"Yes..I'm ready to prove you wrong, Mr. Cullen," My lips curled upward against the shell of his ear at the words. _

_Edward turned my lips to face his him. Carefully, his lips caressed mine, "I'm glad you accept the challenge, Mrs. Cullen."_

_End of Flashback_

"Earth to Bella."

I chuckled lightly as I felt Edward's velvet soft lips press against the hollow of my ear, "Sorry, I was just thinking..."

He laughed slightly as his hand rubbed my right hip, "Good things, I hope."

I stopped his hand in mid-rub and slowly laced my fingers between his as I watched the salesman, whom I didn't notice being there before, reaching to the display case to retrieve 'my' ring. I watched as the salesman set the ring, facing us, down on the counter. A smile crept over my face as I watched Edward's hand took the ring out of the ivory velvet box. I watched as he held it up in the air at arm's length.

"Hold out your left hand, sweetheart."

With a nervous sigh, I did as he instructed. I watched as he slid the gorgeous band onto my wedding ring finger. I felt my smile break into a full-on grin as the feeling sunk in. We had planned on getting married sometime next year; no official dates confirmed until _I_ was ready. Edward insisted we'd plan on my terms.

In a year, I'll be officially his wife.

He kissed my temple lightly before lacing his left fingers between mine; holding my hand up for us both to admire.

"Perfect fit...what do you think, love? Is this the ring you want?"

I turned to face him and smiled, "I think it is...I also think I'll be horribly heartbroken if E.J. ends up flushing it down the toilet when I'm preparing his bath..."

He laughed and nodded before looking back at the ring, "It's perfect. You're perfect." Looking up at the salesman, he smiled with that familiar twinkle in his eye, "We'll take it. She'll wear it out."

-----------------------

After paying for the ring, Edward and I left Tiffany and Company with hands intertwined. At last, we were what we've always wanted to be: that normal couple. We no longer needed to hide it from the world.

There is a time and a purpose for everything. Fate brought Edward and I together then reunited us when we were torn apart. We learned from our past and together, we faced our fears.

We finally made to the El's boardwalk where we stood together in silence; his arm wrapped around me tightly like it was the first night we met. I felt his lips trace my hairline gently as my hair blew in waves through the winter Chicago breeze. I cuddled closer into his chest and kissed his left breast bone through his black dress shirt. I relished the smell of his Prada cologne wafting through the air. Ever so gently, his hands reached up and cupped my head, turning it up so his face would meet mine. A few moments of silence passed between us as he brought my face in for long, savory kiss. All I could think as our lips moved together in a slow, intimate dance was how I was blessed. He was my guardian angel; my savior...

And in his hands, I was healed.

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